Why are we so easily deceived?

Lies are a joint action

Sometimes we voluntarily participate in deceit, for the sake of maintaining a sense of human dignity or in order to keep secret what should be a secret. We say: “Good song” or: “Honey, this doesn’t make you fat at all, no.” But there are times when we have to participate in deception unwittingly. And it can cost us dearly. In 2010, the US lost $997 billion in corporate fraud. This is 7% of government revenue. Cheating is actually serious business. There was such a skillful deceiver Henry Oberländer, in the 70s he headed a criminal London group, and so, according to the British authorities, he could undermine the entire banking system of the West. And you won’t find it through Google; you can’t find it anywhere. He was interviewed only once, and then he said: “Look, everyone is ready to give you something. People are willing to give you anything for what they want to get.” And this is the crux of the matter. If you do not want to be deceived, you must understand what exactly you want most. And we don’t like to admit it at all. We want to be better husbands, better wives, smarter, stronger, taller, richer – and the list is endless. False – it is simply an attempt to fill this gap, to connect our desires and fantasies about who we would like to be, what we think we could be, with who we really are. And unfortunately, we are ready to fill such gaps in our lives with lies.

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• Why do we need to lie

Lies are part of our culture

In one day, you can lie from 10 to 200 times. Strangers tell each other lies three times in the first 10 minutes of meeting – these are the results of research. When we first hear about it, we are horrified. It’s hard to believe that lies are so widely accepted. But if you look closely, everything is much thinner. We lie to strangers more often than to colleagues. Extroverts lie more often than introverts. Men lie eight times more about themselves than about others. Women are more likely to lie in order to protect someone. If you are an average married couple, you will lie to each other one time out of ten. You may think that this is bad. But if you’re not married, that number rises to three out of ten. Truth we use only as needed. And lies are woven into our daily lives, they are part of our culture and history. Remember Dante, Shakespeare, the Bible, world news. Lying has evolutionary significance for us as a species. Scientists have long known: the smarter the species, the more developed the cerebral cortex of its representatives, the greater their tendency to deceive. And it starts very early. So babies come in in fake crying, freeze to see who is coming, and begin to cry again. One year olds learn to hide the truth. Two-year-olds are bluffing. Five-year-olds manipulate others with flattery. Nine-year-olds are already masters of disguise. By the time you enter college, you are ready to lie to your mother one out of five times. Growing up, we find ourselves in a world that is cluttered with spam, false internet friends, corrupt press, cunning identity thieves, and world-class pyramid schemes. So what are we to do?

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• Children will lie to you

Lie indicators

Specialists are able to recognize lies in 90% of cases. All others are only 54% accurate. And yet it can be learned. Simply because there are no original liars: we all make the same mistakes, we all use the same technique. For example, liars are more likely to use formal language and expressions like “Well, to be honest…” or “In all honesty…”, which further question the subject of the conversation. We used to think that liars are always nervous and prefer not to make eye contact, but this is a delusion. In fact, they know how to hide the external manifestations of deception, and look into the eyes of the interlocutor even longer than usual, in order to debunk this myth. How does the liar with whom you talk about some specific things behave? This person is more likely to be closed and unpredictable. He will tell his story in strict chronological order and with many irrelevant details. And he will immediately begin to get nervous if an experienced investigator asks to tell the same story in reverse order. All of us, when we lie, do the same thing: we say “yes”, but we show “no” with our heads. We tell some very compelling stories and give a little shrug. We choose one facial expression, masking a completely different one, which suddenly manifests itself in separate flashes. Killers are known to betray sadness. Your new business partner may shake your hand, congratulate you, have dinner with you, and suddenly show signs of anger. But there is something even more dangerous than anger, and that is an expression of contempt. When it comes to anger, we are dealing with two people playing on equal terms. But contempt is associated with moral superiority. And for this reason, it is very, very difficult to recover from it. And here’s what it looks like. Contempt reveals the corner of the lip, raised and retracted. It’s just an asymmetrical facial expression. But when you see contempt, whether it’s cheating or not – and it doesn’t always have to go hand in hand with a contemptuous attitude – look for another way, renegotiate the deal, say, “No, thanks. I think we should stop there.”

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• How to recognize a deceiver?

Scientists have identified many indicators of lies. For example, we know that liars change their blink rate and turn their feet towards the exit. They use various objects as a barrier and place them between themselves and the person questioning them. They change the tone of the voice, usually lowering it significantly. And now – the most important thing. This behavior is just behavior. It cannot be considered evidence of fraud. We all use gestures throughout the day to indicate deceit. By themselves they mean nothing. But when you meet with a set of such gestures, it should be a signal to you. Look closely, listen, ask difficult questions, maintain self-respect and achieve mutual understanding with the interlocutor. When you combine learning to recognize deception with the ability to watch and listen carefully, you save yourself from coming into contact with lies.

Watch Pamela Meyer’s “How to spot a liar” at Online www.ted.com