Contents
Why are we afraid to feel?
Psychology
“If someone comes to work and says he is sad, people will not see him well, they judge him”
Talking about our feelings is often difficult. Even feeling, in general, can suppose a challenge for many. We are social beings, full of emotions that during our lives we learn to control, although there are some that cost us more than others.
Surely you have ever thought about it, why is it so hard for me to explain how I feel? or why am I not able to be honest with myself? That is what we asked the psychologist Leocadio Martín, author of «Happiness: what helps and what doesn’t», why are we afraid to feel?
“I consider that we are afraid of feeling for two reasons,” says the psychologist, and warns: “First, because we have not been trained for it.” «It also happens that, in general, not well seen. If someone comes to work limping, and explains that they have a sprain, nothing happens. On the other hand, if someone comes to work and says that they are sad, people are not going to see it well, they judge it, “he says.
Martín emphasizes that it is very important to be able to introspect to recognize how we feel. «When you wake up, it is easy to know if something hurts or not. Instead, we must do the exercise to see if we are sad, or concerned, for example, with the aim of recognizing it, isolating it and controlling it », he recommends.
The other reason that Leocadio Martín catalogs is the effect of what he calls «fake happiness», a pressure that we feel and has its origin in social networks. See how, through the screen, everyone has a good time and is very happy many times distorts our vision of reality. «Sometimes they come to the psychologist’s office people overwhelmed by not being happy continuously, and they are not aware that it is not normal to be happy all the time, it is normal to feel sad, or melancholic, or worried, “says the psychologist.
Right to be sad
For this reason, Martín claims our “right to be sad”, to experience one of the emotions that frightens us the most. «Sadness is part of the necessary balance from which our emotions are nourished. We just can’t know if we’re happy, yeah we do not know sadness», Argues the professional in his book.
The psychologist expresses in the book that «we are afraid to remember any kind of sadness that could lead us to feel unhappy». That is why we often avoid expressing what we feel to others. We also deny ourselves, deep down, experiencing emotions to which we give a negative connotation.
This “fear of feeling” is called by Leocadio Martín “emotional walls”, described as “the psychological defenses that we use to adapt to painful circumstances.” These “emotional survival tricks”, which, as the psychologist explains at specific times, has helped us overcome difficult situations, can “end up being harmful to ourselves” and even explains that they can affect “those who care about us.”
In the publication, the psychologist warns of the danger of “misusing our emotions.” “If we dramatize them instead of feeling them (…) or feel sorry for ourselves, that can be destructive,” he says. Even so, Martín makes a statement: «When we are able to feel all our emotions, our life has meaning and purpose. If we avoid feeling, we frequently lose contact with ourselves, who we are with, “he concludes.