Success … Headlines of popular media, names of courses and trainings scream about it. It would seem that it is enough to choose a training, go to classes and «catch him by the tail.» But for some reason, the lion’s share of those who run after success in the end remains in the same place or even «rolls back» back. And often this effect occurs when the top of the mountain is within easy reach. Why are we so afraid to take the plunge?
If something does not work, you need to look for specific reasons. Most likely, it is more profitable for us to stay in place in our comfort zone, no matter how gloomy it may seem at first glance. Successful people can say whatever they want, but their own swamp is always the sweetest — warm, viscous and not blowing. And getting out of it is scary.
What are we afraid of?
1. Accept change. Any victory or achievement is an entrance to a new round of life. Everything will not be the same as before. In words, we are ready to confidently declare our readiness for change. But in fact we are afraid to lose the important little things that make up life. We do not want to change habits, environment and lifestyle, we are worried that we will not be able to cope. Here we are giving it back. Sometimes just a couple of steps before victory.
2. Lose the support of loved ones. When we change, the environment cannot remain the same. New qualities and actions can cause a negative assessment and even envy among those closest to you. Subconsciously, they may seek to keep us at the same level, to create conditions under which we ourselves do not want to change anything. Alas, in some cases it comes to direct ultimatums: «Either me, or your new job.»
3. Don’t live up to expectations. Erich Maria Remarque said: «Who does not expect anything will never be disappointed.» Alas, in real life we are far from such a level of enlightenment. We expect from children that they will become successful and realize our ambitions, from parents — participation, help and non-interference, from friends — admiration and support, from colleagues — high appreciation of our merits.
Even from the seller in the store, we expect a smile and a good mood, as well as the presence of change banknotes at the checkout. In the same way, something is constantly expected of us and reminded of it at every step. And it is very scary not to live up to the expectations of loved ones.
4. Turn onto a false path. Our heads are full of clichés and stereotypes. “It’s dangerous to be successful and rich”, “Money doesn’t lead to good”, “If you want to live, don’t stick your head out”, “It’s better to be poor and honest than a rich scammer” … And who initially wants to be bad? So we take a step back from success, so as not to go downhill.
5. Take the wrong place. The number of «vacancies» for success is limited. That is, we can «hook» someone who is better than us and more deserving of this place. But this way you can spend your whole life shielding others and not even thinking that there is enough space at the top for everyone.
6. Achieve the wrong thing. It is scary to come to the top and realize that the goal was initially chosen incorrectly, that we put the ladder against the wrong wall. How then to survive the collapse of hopes?
7. Lose the meaning of life. Cherishing a dream is commendable. It warms the soul even on the coldest days, gives strength and energy for movement. But the more you want to achieve the goal, the slower you act before the finale. After all, if the dream comes true, what to do next? How to live without a guiding star?
How to allow yourself to be successful?
Many psychologists talk about such a thing as allowing yourself. The mechanism operates unconsciously, it has very deep roots. But to increase your chances, you can try:
1. Learn new things. Use every opportunity for this: learn new languages from phrasebooks and videos on the Web, try new hobbies, read professional literature instead of social networks, start jogging in the morning or dancing salsa… Scientists have long proven that constant learning new things contributes to the development of the brain. By forming new neural connections, we make life more interesting and richer, and therefore more productive.
2. Find support from people with similar interests. If you are starting a business, join an entrepreneurs’ club, in your city or online. Do you write books? You are welcome to the writing community. In any direction, you can find a company of like-minded people who will support, prompt, help in word or deed at the right time. It is difficult to develop alone, but in a company it is easier and more fun, and the taste of victory will be shared with someone. And there you can find experienced mentors who will help you learn new things using specific examples.
3. Understand the true goals. Is the path you have chosen the right one? Does it match your values? The analysis is not as difficult as it seems at first glance. It is enough to make a list of areas of life that are important to you and describe the desired achievements for each area in detail and without striving to evaluate anything.
As you write down each goal, close your eyes for a moment and ask yourself: how will I feel when I get what I want? Will I get pleasant emotions, a sense of satisfaction and joy?
4. Visualize the future life. You can make collages, collect pictures of success. But this is not necessary, it is enough to keep the picture of your future in focus, to imagine it as vividly as possible, in detail, using all the senses. What sounds will surround you at the point of reaching your dream? What images will you see? What will smell around? What will the objects around you feel like? What about tastes? The more often you scroll through the pictures before your eyes, the more the brain will get used to these images and implement them.
5. Work with limiting beliefs. It often happens that negative attitudes sit in the subconscious: “it is dangerous to be successful”, “it is better not to stick out”. They prevent us from achieving goals, and our task is to replace them with opposite, more constructive ones. For this, there are special exercises and methods that can be practiced both independently and with the help of a psychotherapist. The path is not short, and there is no need to wait for instant results, but if you do not give up trying, continue what you started, then everything will work out.
6. Take action. The most important step that will definitely help to cope with the fear of success. We need to go ahead. The road appears before the one who moves. Taking even a very small step forward is better than treading water uncertainly. A tense rhythm helps a lot when you have a lot of things to do in a short time. Of course, this is a challenge to yourself, but in the end you will simply have no time to be distracted by fears. Success will certainly come if you take steps towards it.