Why are we afraid of success?

This has probably happened to you: everything in life is going great, you are striving for some goal, but suddenly at the very last moment you turn aside. Turning down a long-awaited lucrative contract or rejecting the proposal of the person you dreamed of marrying … How many times have you missed such opportunities because of an inexplicable fear of success? Barbara Sher, business and career consultant, acclaimed motivational speaker and best-selling author, talks about why fear of success arises and how to deal with it. But first, she offers to figure out at what moments we deviate from what we want.

Exercise #1: I Avoid Success

Recall the earliest episode in your life when you backed off from what you wanted. It may have happened at the age of five. For example, some brisk and shameless boy in kindergarten received praise from the teacher, although you deserved it no less. And the thought took root in your mind: “Only the arrogant achieve success. I’m not like that, I can’t do anything.” Write down this incident on a piece of paper, and then remember what you did to avoid success in sports, school, relationships, profession at 10, 15, 20, 25 years (and so on, in five year increments). If it seems to you that this has not happened, then simply describe the most remarkable moments associated with your dreams, goals and their implementation at a particular age. Reflecting on the past, answer the following questions:

• Have you ever created a problem for yourself exactly where everything could work out very well?
• If you really wanted something, did you talk about it directly?
• Did you persevere towards your goal, even if there were difficulties?
• Have you met people on your own initiative, if you wanted or needed acquaintance?
• Did you enjoy being successful in sports, school, or partying? How did you feel when you brought home sports awards or good grades, brought home a wonderful young man or a wonderful girl?

Wonderful. Now analyze what you have written, and you will surely find that some ridiculous accidents led to the fact that you began to sabotage success. For example, as a child, you read a lot, and then in the fifth grade, someone jokingly told you: “You are too smart.” It’s imprinted in your mind: smart people annoy others. And since then you have lost interest in your studies. You may have seen your parents’ failure stories and adopted this script from them. Perhaps at some point you said to yourself: “My parents did not become successful, and I will not succeed.”

Do this exercise with special attention and move on.

Read more:

• Barbara Sher: “Who said dreams don’t make money?”

Exercise #2: I enjoy success

Imagine that you have achieved everything you dreamed of. Close your eyes and imagine what your life looks like now. You are doing exactly what you wanted to do – working in a modeling agency in the center of Paris, giving a lecture to students, dancing on the stage of a famous theater, creating a cure for AIDS in the best laboratory in the world … Force yourself to enjoy this fantasy for at least five minutes. What do you feel about it? A person who avoids success is likely to experience internal resistance and discomfort. Do you know why? Because success is a danger to him. Everyone who is afraid to achieve their goal has a deep-seated expectation of painful emotions – and we involuntarily strive to avoid pain. What is this power whose voice speaks within us?

Exercise #3: Whose voice is in my head?

Chances are you know why you don’t like the idea of ​​being successful. But you can realize this when you say all the negative thoughts out loud. For example: “Dancing is stupid, exposing yourself, that’s all.” Or: “If I am chosen as the best teacher, the father will consider it his merit.” Now try to determine the source of this setting. Take your timeline sheet and look at it again.

1. Focus on each point where you backed down from your desires and see if there were any other reasons for your sabotage. Maybe someone in your family was unhappy, dissatisfied or completely failed? And this someone wanted you to be successful for them, forgetting that you need your own success? Or maybe someone was angry with your achievements, and this person wanted to belittle them?
2. Ask yourself: whose voice is in your head? Who from your environment could think so? Let’s say at some point you decide you want to write a book. You lived this dream for a long time, but then you changed your mind. If you go further, you will see that most likely the voice that “forbade” you from writing a book sounded something like this: “Writers are as poor as actors. Books will never make money. Agree, some phrases often slip in families that remain forever in the minds.

When you analyze each of your “painful” cases associated with incorrect settings, you will understand that they all do not belong to you. But you take them for granted and build your life around them.