Why are teenagers disliked?

How can one explain the antipathy of some adults towards teenagers? According to the assumptions of some researchers, such people can be guided by rather conflicting feelings.

Envy

Adults often envy carelessness. Teenagers are full of unbridled energy and rebelliousness, they are capable of open conflicts with those who encroach on their freedom, they still have many opportunities for life choices.

At the same time, they do not bear on their shoulders a responsibility similar to that which limits adults. They do not have to decide what to live on and how to feed their families. Parents, as a rule, are still strong and strong and do not need help and care. Teenagers have a home and no mortgage or credit debt.

The burden of the past

The transitional age is very difficult, and many have to face problems. If an adult had a hard time during this period, the memories can be painful. Perhaps they are hidden deep inside, but every teenager for such a person unwittingly becomes a “trigger” that awakens social anxiety.

Scientists write a lot about the “inner child”, and this image gives rise to sympathy in people. However, according to psychologist Eric Erickson, the fate of the inner teenager in an adult is much less explored. But he, rejected or idealized, “killed” or revived, cannot but exert influence.

Antipathy towards young people may be related to the rejection of one’s own inner teenager. And compassion and empathy towards them helps to reach inner maturity and accept the teenager hidden in us without feeling anxious. Whether we like it or not, like the inner child, it always stays with us.

A difficult age

Miss Marple said that she felt sorry for the young, because they were still very inexperienced and vulnerable. The insightful heroine of Agatha Christie was right in many ways. Vulnerability is one of the features of this period of human life. If only for this reason, teenagers deserve a tolerant and compassionate attitude.

All this leapfrog with sexual development, hormonal and emotional surges, difficulties in identification and self-identification, and other delights of adolescence is a difficult test.

Most teenagers are acutely lonely, believing that no one – or almost no one – understands them. The unclear position between the child and the adult and the sense of control on the part of teachers, parents and other representatives of the older generation often cause impotence and protest.

The company of peers now has great authority. At the same time, as a rule, the social circle of adolescents is limited to the school, the sports section, for someone – the local community. Therefore, the lack of approval from friends, rejection, and even more so bullying, are very difficult to endure.

Literally in a few years, when he gets older, his network of social contacts will expand significantly, but so far it is limited. The digital world is also fraught with many threats – Internet bullying, sextorshn and much more. On the one hand, it can open up new opportunities for communication, on the other hand, it can be another source of anxiety or even danger.

“Fathers and Sons”

“Why can people not like teenagers?.. Yes, because they are “inconvenient,” explains psychiatrist Maria Leibovich. “They make noise and demonstratively protest, defy norms and rules. It is difficult to negotiate with them, they have strange interests. Beliefs and behaviors defy logic. Emotional reactions are exaggerated and constantly changing. And they also tend to stray into flocks, becoming even more unruly and cheeky. Moreover, they may even look sloppy, repulsive.

But what about the parents? .. Well, imagine that a “bunny” or “sun” lives in your house, an affectionate and gentle child who clings to his mother and obeys his father. And suddenly he turns into an untidy monster, for whom the process of defending his opinion, the endless confrontation with parental norms, values, rules is much more important than peace in the house, calmness and making a reasonable decision.

Instead of a “bunny” you have settled “Yasam” or “Vymneneukaz”. To agree with you for him is the same as losing. He makes it clear: “I will dirty your house, violate your orders, deprive you of sleep and good mood, listen to incomprehensible music loudly, defend your right to mess and forbid you to enter my room, be rude to you, be silent about your affairs, walk without hats and making strange friends – and you can’t do anything with me.”

Natural teenage separation makes parents feel powerless. It’s not an easy experience. For many animals, everything is quite simple and logical. As soon as the cub, which the elders take care of in a pack or pride, begins to approach adults in strength, as soon as it tries its claws and teeth on them and measures its strength with them, it immediately ceases to be considered a baby that needs to be taken care of.

But the repertoire that a human cub has to master includes many more skills, and therefore people live much longer with their parents. Although they often turn out to be stronger than the elders and with pleasure prevail in small everyday “fights”.

I really like the metaphor of one of the neuroscientists that a teenager is like an inexperienced driver behind the wheel of a very powerful car. The picture is bewitching. But if you imagine that this car is yours, and an inexperienced driver is also yours, and so much has been invested in it, and now everything can suddenly get out of control and rush to the right, to the left, very quickly, and then back again … That painful the anxiety experienced by parents stretches over several years. And, of course, it is not at all convenient.