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We are accustomed to the fact that sayings are a reflection of the experience accumulated by the people. But their meaning is often ambiguous, like a hint at the variability of human nature itself. Our experts analyze five famous sayings.
“A thin world is better than a good quarrel”
Pitfall: Silencing the Problem
Maria Lekareva, Gestalt therapist: It is important to keep in mind that a “good quarrel” in the archaic Russian mentality meant, rather, fisticuffs, which did not always clarify the points of view of the interlocutors. A thin peace was more productive, allowing for negotiation. However, in today’s circumstances, the saying rather exacerbates the problem and “preserves” mutual misunderstanding.
Lev Khegay, Jungian analyst: In our culture, this saying is largely used compensatory: it expresses what we lack. We are not distinguished by the ability to compromise and peaceful coexistence with neighbors. From a psychological point of view, it is not a quarrel for the sake of a quarrel that is valuable, but the mutual understanding of partners, in order to achieve which it is sometimes necessary to openly express one’s position and clarify feelings. So the saying is intended to tune in to an ideal that is difficult to achieve for our negotiation culture.
“They don’t change horses at the crossing”
Pitfall: Inability to change decisions in time and be flexible
Maria Lekareva: The saying reflects our tendency to rely entirely on the decisions of those in charge. The Russian people are traditionally accustomed to living in a community, and the spirit of collectivism is more inherent in us than the spirit of pronounced individualism. Therefore, the ability to subordinate oneself to someone’s decrees fits into the collective folk experience. But this often leads to irresponsibility, according to the principle «here the master comes, the master will judge us.» The pace of development in the modern world requires efficiency, and excessive inertia, clearly expressed in a saying, can do harm.
Lev Hegai: An example of inflexible behavior in a critical situation. We are often psychologically more comfortable sticking with our decision, and defense mechanisms convince us that consistency is the wisest strategy. However, in reality, it is simply difficult for us to leave our comfort zone and take responsibility for new decisions.
«An old friend is better than two new ones»
Pitfall: excessive closeness
Maria Lekareva: On the one hand, the saying testifies to loyalty and reliability, especially when you consider that in Russia they called each other only after they had eaten a pound of salt together. On the other hand, the saying also talks about insufficient exactingness. Changes have historically been difficult for us, they have been rejected by the community and the merchants, so our own, proven person, albeit with known shortcomings, turned out to be safer and more preferable than a stranger whose merits are still unknown to us. Such a position without a critical understanding of the qualities of a partner can lead to stagnation in any undertakings and relationships.
Lev Hegai: In addition to the fact that the saying can really reflect the fear of stepping forward and opening up to new meetings, it also hints at a lack of trust between people. Due to the historical upheavals and hardships of life that we have had to face, we are skeptical of any change. Including the emergence of new people in the environment.
«Poverty is not a vice»
Pitfall: passivity and laziness
Maria Lekareva: It is important to determine what level of poverty we are talking about. «Honest» poverty made it possible to live on the money earned, without experiencing acute hardships, but without having a standard of living for wealthy people. In the 90s of the last century, this rule helped people of many professions who did not quickly join the market economy. However, this attitude can slow down a person, preventing him from moving to a new level of thinking and planning his life.
Lev Hegai: Christian morality extols non-acquisitiveness, asceticism, the curbing of pride and ambition, which can be understood as noble poverty. However, in many ways, the saying reflects and justifies our inherent state of contemplation, bordering on laziness and inaction where it is important to show will and diligence.
«Fight fire with fire»
Pitfall: aggravating the problem
Maria Lekareva: In a figurative sense, kicking a wedge with a wedge implies the use of a tool similar to the one that caused the problem. However, after a failure in business, there is not much benefit in chaotic activity — in this case, the «wedge with a wedge» will only aggravate the situation. In order to use the wedge as a psychological tool, it is important that the person is stuck in it. For example, in thinking about the reasons for failure, in self-flagellation. Then a wedge in the form of a different type of activity may come in handy. In sports or circus tricks, if a person falls, they are often advised to repeat the task so that the body remembers luck, not defeat. The fear that has arisen is crossed out by experiencing a new fear.
Lev Hegai: The proverb is dangerous to take literally. For example, our habit of treating hangovers with alcohol, although providing temporary relief, often turns into alcoholism in the long run. In love relationships, blindly following this principle, we run the risk of walking in a vicious circle. It is worth considering the saying as a homeopathic principle: «poison contains medicine.» This means that there is no need to run away from the problem. It is important to allow the crisis to deepen in order to fully understand the situation. If we treat the pain of parting with a new relationship, then we are more likely to repeat our previous mistakes.