Why and how to invest in relationships

Competent investments bring profit not only in the financial world. The term “investment” is increasingly being applied to relationships, and often it is the combination of love and calculation that gives an excellent result. And if you use economic concepts in the personal field, you can see your relationship in a new light, see the prospects, determine your role in the success of such an “investment project”.

Alas, we were not told what good relationships are, how important they are, and we often do not pay attention to this topic. But for our species, they are vital: researchers have shown that high-quality social contacts contribute more to the prevention of death than even quitting smoking or exercising.

Recently, this area of ​​our lives has become even more significant. When the world is in chaos, we turn to our partners for security and support. Therefore, in times of instability, investing in close relationships is a safe, practical, and healthy choice. We need love and support now more than ever.

What investment in a relationship will give you the most return?

• First, we need to be open and honest with the people we care about. We need to share our feelings and thoughts with them, ask for their support and not go it alone and tell them what we appreciate in them.
• Secondly, let’s allow ourselves to feel that we, too, are valued. But doubts about this cause an increase in anxiety.
• Thirdly, we will stay close to our partners and support them at all times. Our presence should be expressed in listening and trying to understand.
• Fourth, let’s give each other the right to miss. Nobody’s perfect. You need to forgive small offenses and let go of situations in which the other person made a mistake. And we ourselves should also learn from our own mistakes in order to succeed better next time.

Force majeure in relationships

In today’s world, it is increasingly difficult for us to invest in relationships: that is, to spend time talking and listening, as well as making “effective requests” (communicating our needs) and responding to requests from loved ones.

If we juggle work and family demands, then there is a high probability that we will begin to quarrel over what would previously seem like a trifle. For example, we quarrel over an empty milk carton in the fridge, or take our partner’s late-night vigils at the computer as a personal insult. Stress, lack of sleep, and other external factors can keep us from being good partners.

Reducing investment risks in relationships

Researchers have not yet figured out how to prevent external forces from influencing relationships. But even if we simply accept that these external forces exist, it will be easier. It is worth creating some internal rules of calmness in order to minimize outside influence, to give each other the rights to both development and doubts.

For example, when I was a sleep-deprived working mother who had nightly quarrels with my husband, at some point I made it a rule not to bring up any controversial topics after dinner. Now I feel satisfaction every time I follow this rule.

With the start of the global quarantine, many of us have begun to spend more time at home with our families. Not surprisingly, the partners became more annoyed with each other.

But there are also many who are happy to spend more time together and are generally more satisfied with their relationship. Day-to-day employment has been somewhat reduced, which allowed them to truly be together again. People talk about playing sports and cooking together, or about new hobbies. Now they are doing things that they never thought about or expected to have time for.

What could be the first step?

To make our investment in a relationship profitable, we can start with a simple step: regularly turn our attention towards our partner.

Eminent relationship researchers John and Julie Gottman have been observing couples for decades, and one of their key findings is that happy partners invest to get each other’s attention.

These investments can be small, like talking about a funny thing that happened to you today, or gently touching each other. They can also be big, like helping with a work problem or agreeing to change your plans so you can spend time together.

These “bets” go into the emotional savings “account” and are summed up, and then determine the “net gain” of the relationship.

Ask yourself questions:

• Do we contact our partners during the day?
• Do we respond to their “applications”? Or have we stopped paying attention to each other?

Happy couples are responsive to their partner’s needs, and these small investments add up and help them get through tough times. Couples who struggle don’t invest in relationships and end up losing out.

In order to maintain close relationships in any environment, we must develop a new habit: showing consideration for each other.

We can do this by asking ourselves questions every evening:

• Did I pay attention to my partner today?
• Did I talk to him and tell him what I think?
• Did I listen to my partner when he spoke to me?

Try doing this for a week and see what happens.