He is the “breadwinner”, she takes care of the children. A traditional family can be very stable and strong, but there is an important condition. Why financial dominance can be dangerous for a relationship and what steps will help restore balance in a couple?
Traditional families in which the father earns money and the mother takes care of the children are not uncommon both in the West and in Russia. Who usually makes financial decisions in such cases?
Distribution of roles
Quite often there is an unspoken rule. Expenses are controlled by the father, who brings money into the house or receives it on his own or family bank card. In this scenario, the wife often finds herself in the role of “caretaker”.
For some reason, it is not considered that it contributes to the overall budget. However, if you make a list of the usual household chores of a woman who runs the household and raises children, it turns out that she performs the duties of both a nanny and a housekeeper. When translated into monetary terms, it turns out that the family saves a decent amount on it.
but on the other hand
On the other hand, a too clear distribution of responsibilities deprives the father of a significant role in the fate of children. Just as the mother in a traditional family is not the “breadwinner,” so the father is not the “educator.” This state of affairs suits some, but is such a strict division of roles good for children’s development?
Clinical psychologist Konstantin Lukin calls a clear separation of the roles of “breadwinner” and “educator” a trap. At the same time, both parties feel underestimated for the contribution they make to the duties of the other. It is not uncommon for partners to use their dominant area as a territory of control to boost their self-esteem.
Optimal variant
The so-called community approach will be optimal for parent-child and family relationships, Lukin believes. Decision-making for the entire family must be given equal consideration to each parent, regardless of the amount he or she contributes to the family budget.
Instead of “measuring self-esteem”, it is more productive to ask a partner for support and encouragement. This requires an important skill for any couple. It is about the ability to talk about your feelings, open up to another and be interested in his experiences.
It is important to know how each spouse feels, being limited to one area of their implementation in family life. Those who feel close and emotionally connected to each other are more likely to compromise.
Therefore, psychologists tell couples that getting closer and willing to talk and listen are the first steps, and if they are done before the situation with financial control arose, then the family has a chance to strike a healthy balance.
And if the emotions of both are hidden and not interesting to the other side, then problems are inevitable. When making decisions and making plans, the family must take into account the point of view of each of the members and no one should hush up and hide their feelings. But the longer the dominance game lasts, the more difficult it is to take the described steps.