Who Needs a Questionnaire and Why?

Falling in love, charm, a candy-bouquet period — all this is beautiful and romantic, but when young people start living together, they already live in some kind of reality. In which? Before creating a responsible relationship, it is important to get to know each other seriously, and the Questionnaire helps a lot with this.

Everyone who gets married has an idea of ​​the future family life, but for the majority the pictures of the future life are very vague, and, most importantly, for HE and HER are significantly different. Suppose he thinks like this: “Since you love me so much, then you, like a real mistress (and like my mother), will take on all the burden of family troubles, and I will only come to the kitchen to eat.” At this time, she thinks differently: “Since you love me so much, then you, like a real knight (well, just in fairness), will help me in everything, we will do everything together or in turn. Isn’t that right, dear?»

But all this is just a thought and does not prevent them from kissing. And what will happen when young people get married? He — to her: «I’m somehow hungry …» She — to him: «Yes? Well, go to the kitchen and peel the potatoes!” He: «How is that?» She: “Yes, like this, with pens!”

Of course, you can discuss these prosaic issues (and hundreds of others similar) when the spouses have already stumbled over them, but is this always the best option? He is already angry, she is already offended … But why wait until life pushes the spouses foreheads? Reasonable people discuss their possible disagreements in advance, while they have time for this and until clashes between themselves obscure the main thing from them — their love, respect and interest in each other.

Of course, it is impossible to foresee all the possible problems of future family life, but many and even most are possible. Here, discuss them. And this questionnaire will help you.

What is a questionnaire?

These are a variety of issues and topics related to various aspects of family life, making it possible to discuss them in a concrete way. These are questions about habits and values, money and household, friends and family, family responsibilities, children, and many, many others. This is a simple way to learn much more fully what a loving person appreciates and what he neglects, what he loves and what he refrains from, what are his habits, views, what can make him happy, and what will cause violent protest. You can discuss important moments of the past, plans for the future, financial and housing situation, and everything else that worries you and seems important.

If she warned him even before the wedding that she did not like children, at least for now, and that she was not going to start anyone except a dog, this is an important thing, and it is good that he knew this in advance. Or, for example, he explains to her that in accordance with his plans or views on life, he will hardly ever earn big money — he has creative plans or, maybe, non-standard views on life. Well, I admit that she can marry him and be happy with him — without money, but with him.

Naturally, when the two begin to discuss their future family life in detail, they will inevitably have many disagreements.

For example, the question of money. How much do we need? What is our living wage? And if the husband earns less? Does he agree to work? Financial assistance from parents? How do we store money: does everyone have their own or does everyone only have pocket expenses, and the general ones are on the shelf, or should the husband give all the money to his wife?

What is the best solution? Everyone is right, as long as the chosen solution suits both.

Maybe they will have different views when discussing how they should furnish their room. The ideal interior in her view is a wall, carpets, a color TV. He has different ideas: no carpets (mats), the wall is not Czech, but «Swedish», instead of a TV — tents, bicycles hang on the wall … «And we will spend the money on books.»

It doesn’t matter how exactly they agree. It is important that after discussing the questionnaire, the couple can say with confidence: “We have the same idea of ​​what kind of family we want.” Ask a couple who decided to apply to the registry office — does each have the courage to say this?

By the way, a questionnaire will help some couple to understand that they will not succeed in a family. In my opinion, this is wonderful and then let them remain just loving. Well, at least just friends. Why is the impossibility for close people to become even closer alienates them and makes them almost enemies?!

The questionnaire is also useful in that it will help you formulate the right questions correctly. For example, she asks: “Honey, you will help me, right?” Any «cute» will answer this: «Yes, of course.» But if everyone answers like this, then what’s the point of asking like that? Let her ask the question in a different way: “Tell me, I can count on you to take on the physically difficult things for me: take the laundry to the laundry, go to the grocery store, clean the floors, and sometimes, when I don’t have time, myself cook your own food and wash your own dishes? Not everyone will answer this: “Yes, of course”, most likely, negotiations will begin … But if he says “Yes”, his “Yes” will have a different, more serious weight.

And if you agreed on something, and then he does not fulfill it? With the help of the questionnaire, you will also discuss these situations more than once.

Do I need to write down what we agreed on? — Hardly. For the many hundreds of families who used the questionnaire, verbal agreements were sufficient. On the other hand, we also know families in which the most important things for them are recorded in writing.

The questionnaire simply introduces people to each other, and sometimes relieves unnecessary, unreasonable anxieties.

For a long time my wife was really afraid to tell me “yes, I will live with you”, which I categorically insisted on, for one reason only: she did not know what it would be like. I was afraid to live with me. And when we sat down with her and for several evenings in a row, answering questions, I drew her in detail how our family would live, she a) relaxed; b) realized that she liked it. And we created common pictures. We know how our morning, afternoon, evening, lunch, relationships with relatives go, whatever.

With the help of a questionnaire, it is possible to talk about problems that are difficult to put in a normal conversation. Maybe she is worried about some moments of his sexual behavior, and he does not like the not always clean underwear of his beloved … It’s just very inconvenient to say this, and if this is asked in the questionnaire, the reason for the conversation is quite suitable. Tactfully formulated wishes to each other will prevent the accumulation of unnecessary negative emotions.

And the last. Discussing the questionnaire is a great opportunity for you to learn how to talk to each other. To be able to talk is to be able to talk about everything frankly, frankly, but tactfully, and always listen with interest, correctly understand things that are not even very pleasant for you, always resolve differences in a peaceful way, without pressure, resentment and ultimatums. Do you really know all this?

How and when to discuss the questionnaire?

When to discuss the questionnaire? — Anytime, but it is better, apparently, before the wedding: in the event of serious, fundamental disagreements, people are more accommodating, according to observations, before official registration. Accordingly, it is a sin not to use this golden time.

On the other hand, the questionnaire is extremely useful for couples who have already started their married life. In our opinion, many issues can and should be discussed repeatedly: years go by, people and circumstances change, and what was true yesterday may require a different solution today.

And how to make the husband want to discuss the questionnaire? — This is an important question. Many men are skeptical about «any psychology», and stop such discussions «in the bud». However, with the right approach, everything is possible, it is important to present the situation as follows: “Listen, I found an interesting questionnaire. I started to read it and understand: I’m not quite your wife’s good. And there are many things I don’t know, and I seem to be doing wrong. And I have a request to you: since I want to be good with you, I want to live with you for a long time, so that I can please myself and you, please answer me the questions — how can I take care of you. What can I not do, and what should I do and how to do it right. You are our main man, so you tell me my correct thoughts, and from this day on I will learn to be the best wife in the world. That is, with the help of a questionnaire, you do not want to correct your husband, but correct yourself. And under this, perhaps sly, pretext, the man begins to talk. And if it starts, then it is possible to agree on many things further.

The questionnaire will help you become a good family. It is very likely that, having discussed the two hundred questions posed by the questionnaire in a meaningful and peaceful way, the spouses will also benevolently and constructively discuss the two hundred and first question posed by life.