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We are glad to welcome you, dear readers of Valery Kharlamov’s blog! It is generally accepted that an arrogant person is a person who is contemptuous of the people around him, does not let them get close and “puts” himself higher. Today we will try to consider who is really hiding behind the mask of arrogance and arrogance.
Features and manifestations
It was not in vain that I clarified about the mask, because, in fact, whether a person is aware or not, this feature of his character is such a defense mechanism. It allows you to hide not only from others, but even from yourself the fact of worthlessness. Yes, own insolvency, underdevelopment and other complexes. And the more they disturb and disturb him, the more clearly his arrogance will manifest itself.
So the main features:
Consumer attitude. He expects recognition, praise, respect and much more from others, flatly refusing to give in return. Since he believes that others owe him, they are even obliged to do something for his well-being and satisfaction of needs.
Failure to cooperate and be together. It is impossible for them even in speech to allow the use of such a pronoun as «we». To relate yourself to someone, for such a person, seems like the worst idea. After all, this will mean that they are somewhat similar and united. And it is precisely from this that they carefully hide with the help of pride.
Depreciation. Such people can devalue the individuality and personality of another person, his desires and feelings are completely unimportant to him. Even the fact that he hurt someone is ignored.
Position verticality. Arrogant people put themselves above the rest. And this means that they believe that they know something better, more, which is why they have the right to lecture, teach and make comments. And everything would be fine if they asked for it. But usually they, as they say, «poking their nose into other people’s business», aggressively climbing into someone else’s territory with advice and criticism.
fear of intimacy. They don’t let anyone close, that is, they don’t open their souls and don’t cause a desire to be closer to them, to meet more often, and most importantly, trust.
Causes
Problems come from childhood
Which means that arrogance also originates precisely from some unfinished tasks of development. And it happens like this: a small person who has mastered some skills, for example, to go to the toilet, and not to the potty, to eat with a spoon on his own, experiences twofold feelings in relation to his growing up.
On the one hand, I really want spontaneity and freedom in manifestations, which is forgiven at a younger age. On the other hand, the need to be like adults who seem to be powerful and omniscient figures.
And against the background of this conflict, the little man gets stuck between two poles — with whom to relate? It seems that he is no longer so stupid and helpless, but at the same time he has not mastered the necessary knowledge and skills that are characteristic of adults. Therefore, shame arises for the fact that it seemed to be so unintelligent recently, and also for the fact that I have not yet learned everything that more mature personalities can do.
To get rid of this unbearable shame, they resort to a mask of arrogance, mocking the weaker ones. In this way, they want to prove how far they are from them in terms of development, taking, as it were, the position of an adult. But then there is a feeling that you are not in your place, therefore, because of the fear of exposure, you have to defend yourself, not letting others get close to you. What if they realize how imperfect and primitive he is?
A way to get recognition and understand how to behave
Now there is no desire to read an absolutely uninteresting book now, the sun is shining outside the window, the yard boys are chasing the ball, and so you want to go to them, run, have fun, shout. But you need to complete the lessons. And it is arrogance that acts as a regulator of behavior.
It comes to mind: “I’m better than them, because I’ll prepare for tomorrow’s topic and get a good mark, and they will remain stupid,” or something similar in meaning. Doesn’t self-recognition motivate you to sit and do uninteresting things? Parents will praise later, the teacher is at school, and classmates will envy …
Trying to cope with growing up
In adolescence, there is a need to recognize their difference from the rest. For example, what is smarter or more beautiful, stronger or cool you know how to dance. I want to stand out, to be noticed and admired, respected.
But self-esteem may be low, there may be no knowledge of their personality, character and resources. Why do you have to go to extreme measures — just stick out some kind of peculiarity, even far-fetched, so that they will surely notice and appreciate it. But the realization that such behavior, on the contrary, repels, does not come, therefore such a person decides that he is simply envied, so they react incomprehensibly.
A way to uphold your values
There are situations when boundaries are violated, and a person is not able to defend them, so he chooses such a position as removal. Let’s say you find yourself in conditions without compliance with hygiene standards. And if you yourself are a fairly clean person, then accordingly, you will have disgust and a feeling of disgust.
But people living in such conditions are satisfied with everything, and then they begin to accuse that you are just an arrogant person, which is why you don’t even want to sit at the same table with them. And the more often such situations arise when a person cannot cope with defending his space, the behavior model that repels violators will become stronger in him. The only problem is that the wall will be equally strong, both for those for whom it was originally created, and for everyone else.
Recommendations
1. How to understand what needs to be done to improve life and get rid of arrogance? First of all, examine yourself, try to remember when exactly did you start to consider yourself better than others? Write down all the situations in which such thoughts arose. Analyze this list. What happened to you in each case, what feelings did you experience, what did you cope with at that moment and what did you want? Understanding the cause of this character trait will help you cope with it and “thaw out”, become more human and able to build close trusting relationships.
2. Work tirelessly on your self-esteem, bring the far-fetched image of yourself closer to reality. There are no perfect people, and if you show that you are vulnerable in some way, this will not mean that you are weak and not deserving of love. On the contrary, that you are a living person, able to feel and cause a desire to support you and be near, and not run as far as possible from your pomposity. Take a look at this article, the recommendations indicated in it may be useful in this situation.
3. Gradually build relationships with colleagues, relatives and friends, of course, it will take a lot of time, but it’s worth it. If you don’t know how, take a closer look at them, how do they communicate with each other? Help, empathize, laugh at jokes or their failures? What’s going on that makes them closer to each other instead of farther away? At first, you may have to learn such simple things as saying «thank you», giving compliments and holding back the desire to make a remark. The article here will help you to master communication skills.
4. Take courage and start working on your fears and complexes. This is not an easy process, but it is important to be honest with yourself, if you find your weak spot, you will become stronger. Read the article about complexes.
5. Learn to show love and compassion. Excessive pride will not help you win love and respect, you will get it if you yourself are able to give. It is not easy to go down, but to live the feeling of unbearable loneliness is much more difficult and requires more energy and resources.
Conclusion
And that’s all for today, dear readers! Remember, a person is capable of much if desired, so if you really decide to get rid of arrogance, you will definitely succeed. I wish you success!