Who has the right to have a child

Baby at any cost?

Every man and every woman, whether married or not, has the right to use assisted reproductive technology. A single woman has the same right. It would seem that everything in the law is short and clear. But this is only at first glance.

Conservatives are proposing to remove single women from the permit list, leaving only couples who are unable to conceive a child naturally. The Russian Orthodox Church, whose position is gaining more and more weight, is completely against any helping technologies, believing that a person goes beyond what is allowed to him from above and tries to appropriate divine functions for himself.

Many clergy are also confused by the fact that reproductive technologies involve treating a living being as something inanimate: for example, freezing embryos for subsequent implantation. This position surprises gynecologist Margarita Anshina, a specialist in reproductive technologies.

“Why, in this case, does the Church not oppose resuscitation? she wonders. After all, resuscitation brings a dead person back to life. Is there a greater encroachment on divine rights? And the birth of a child seems to me the most charitable deed. And if no other methods help, then why not resort to reproductive technologies?

For example, psychoanalyst Monique Bidlowski believes that “talking about the right to a child is unacceptable. Thus, we think of children as objects, we take away their humanity. Having children is happiness or misfortune, but in no case is it a right.

Bidlowski explains: “The concept of “right to have a child” arose in the 1980s with the discovery of IVF, and was associated with the costs of the technology itself: how many attempts a couple could use to get pregnant. In Europe, at first there was the right to 12 free attempts to get pregnant, compared to four now.

A single woman wants…

Natalya, 43, shares that she was not going to give birth to a child without a father: “It’s just that not a single man has wanted to have children with me, and I know that my time is running out. I had to go in from the other side – first the child, and then, hopefully, dad.”

She practically did not admit to anyone that she became pregnant by insemination with donor sperm. Natalya is afraid that she will be accused of selfishness. “This reproach is connected with unconscious ideas about a predator mother who does not want to share a child with anyone, or cut off contact with him,” explains Monique Bidlowski. “Of course, there are such mothers among single women who resort to new technologies, but they are also in ordinary families.”

Children’s analyst Anna Skavitina agrees with this. “I don’t see the difference whether the child was born from a casual relationship, from a father who left the mother before birth, or from a donor,” she notes. – In a sense, the donor option is even preferable. In this case, the mother makes a conscious effort to have a child. And, as a rule, he is also much more conscious of his upbringing.”

It will be more difficult for them to form their own identity. “They don’t know anything about those who gave them their cells, and this deprives them of a part of their history. But we know about the importance of family history for building your “I”, warns Monique Bidlowski.

Anna Skavitina notes that similar difficulties occur in children in complete families. “Today, even dads who are included in the life of the family often disappear from morning to night at work and their influence is minimized,” she states. – What can we say about single-parent families. And if a woman decides to have a child with the help of reproductive technologies, she should be ready to compensate for this missing part of the influence of the second parent.”

Reproductologist Margarita Anshina, based on her own many years of experience, is convinced: “Such children are no different from others. I think that the fears of psychologists are more speculative, theoretical constructions than real facts.

Experts see the main problem of children born to single mothers, not even in the absence of a father, but in the lack of information about him. “It is important for a child to include in his story a part of his biological past. Find out something about the donor, for example, what he looked like, what his motives were, his family,” says sociologist Dominique Mehl.

The availability of this information depends on the legislation. So, in France, sperm donation is allowed only on condition of complete anonymity. In Russia, the donor himself decides whether to provide any information about himself other than medical. Many experts recognize the British approach as optimal, when, upon reaching the age of 18, any “donor” child has the right to know the name of the biological father.

Pregnancy for rent

Surrogate motherhood is another way to realize the right to a child, to which society is wary. Many consider it the choice of rich women who are not ready to give up secular parties for the sake of a child or risk their figure. Margarita Anshina does not accept such bias.

“Surrogacy is used for women who themselves cannot bear and give birth to a child,” she says. – There are diseases in which it is impossible. On what basis should we deprive these people? Talk about the fact that someone is too lazy or does not want to spoil the figure is empty words. I have not had a single case when a candidate for surrogate motherhood could give birth herself, but did not want to.”

The gynecologist also does not see any damage to the surrogate mothers themselves: “Most often, women take this step for financial reasons. And if for a healthy woman who is able to bear and give birth to a child, surrogacy is the only way, for example, to buy an apartment for herself and her own children, then what’s wrong with that?

Monique Bidlowski is more skeptical: “Isn’t it cruel to the children that this woman has already given birth to: they will see that their mother is preparing to give away a brother or sister for money?” Also, the psychoanalyst fears the cruelty of the surrogate mother towards the fetus: after all, the woman who wears it refuses to become attached to it.

But Dominique Mel refutes these fears. She observed 24 couples who used the services of surrogate mothers, and saw “that many surrogate mothers are involved in raising children, families maintain contact with them and treat them like godparents or just people close to the children.”

Anna Skavitina sees a way out in telling children the truth about their origins. “Of course, at the level at which it is accessible to the understanding of the child,” she emphasizes. “But only by knowing the truth, he can avoid problems in psychological development.

For example, the fairy tale “Thumbelina” will help tell the child about IVF. Remember: a woman who suffers from the fact that she does not have children, a magic seed is a very suitable description for a small child. I am sure that surrogate motherhood can also be described in simple words.”

Yours or someone else’s?

Many opponents of reproductive technologies are perplexed: why should those who dream, but cannot give birth to a child, not turn to adoption? However, experts see a significant difference between these solutions.

Margarita Anshina focuses on medical problems. “An alien, adopted child is a abandoned child. Who refused it? For what reasons? I don’t think there is anything to explain here.

Unfortunately, many of these children suffer from serious illnesses. And not every person who dreams of his child is ready to raise someone else’s patient. I feel sorry for them. But my task as a doctor is still to help people who want to have their own children in every possible way.

“The birth of your own child is also the fulfillment of a biological destiny,” adds Anna Skavitina. – To give birth means to prove that I can, I am wealthy. And here in Russia this biological pressure is intensified by the social one. Until now, after all, it is customary to believe: if there are no children, then something is wrong with you.

Sometimes this leads to paradoxical situations, continues Anna Skavitina: “I had to work with a woman who spent many years, effort and money to get pregnant. And when she succeeded, she thought about an abortion! She, obviously, did not need a child, but proof of her female viability.

Of course, assisted reproductive technologies are too new a phenomenon to be unequivocally assessed. However, apparently, the situation with them is the same as with other achievements of mankind – from the stone ax to the splitting of the atom. They can certainly be a boon if they are used consciously and responsibly.