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Every week, television news releases bring stories that are almost impossible to listen to: a child is kidnapped, killed, raped, a network of child pornography distributors is uncovered … Who and why is capable of such acts?
In recent months, we have learned that more than a dozen children have become victims of criminals in Russia alone. The opinion of many is unconditional: pedophiles are monsters who are not worthy of indulgence. Our feelings are a mixture of anger, rage, fear and powerlessness. It is hard for us to believe that many of these people are sick, who can and should be treated…
But that’s what psychologists and psychiatrists say. Who are the real pedophiles? What causes their illness? Which children are at risk of becoming their victims? And how should we behave in order to protect our child?
Diagnosis: “pedophilia”
“Pedophilia is a sexual disorder, a disease that manifests itself in constant erotic fantasies and actions in relation to children under 13 years old *,” says doctor, forensic psychiatrist Inna Ushakova. – Sexual acts against a child (and both girls and boys can become victims of pedophiles) are primarily genital stroking or oral sex. Vaginal or anal intercourse with a child, including with the use of violence, is rare, except in cases where pedophilia is aggravated by more serious mental disorders: schizophrenia, epilepsy, senile dementia. ”This is a proven fact: not only mentally ill people experience sexual arousal from child’s body. When parents dress up their daughter on the occasion of the holiday, there will always be an uncle, a cousin who will notice: “When he grows up, he will be a heartbreaker!” “This example is an illustration of the fact that the archaic brain of a man can “see” a woman in a girl,” says French psychiatrist Roland Coutanceau. “There are many more people who can get turned on by children than you can imagine. But this does not mean that every adult who has sexual fantasies about a child will immediately want to realize them. The danger is not in fantasies, but in the immaturity of the psyche. Some pedophiles will never attack because they have a sufficiently developed mental organization that does not allow them to do so. Here it is appropriate to draw a parallel with a heterosexual man: if he fantasizes about some woman, this does not mean that he will immediately attack her.
Who takes action
And yet there are people who are ready not only to fantasize about sexual acts with a child, but also to try to realize their fantasies. “Some of them go a long way from fantasy to action,” says Inna Ushakova. – They are aware of all the immorality and illegality of their intentions, they are experiencing a difficult internal conflict. But in the end, excitement and attraction to the child begin to prevail over both moral prohibitions and the fear of being caught. A special group of pedophiles are people who not only commit indecent acts with a child, but rape them (often kill them). They are not critical of their desires and actions in relation to children, they do not perceive their behavior as something terrible, immoral, criminal. As a rule, in addition to pedophilia, they have serious psychiatric diagnoses.”
Special topic: incest
“Public opinion is convinced that all adults who rape or seduce children are mentally ill people,” says sexologist and psychologist Igor Kon. – In fact, most seducers are ordinary men, married and with children. Fathers and stepfathers who corrupt and rape their own children, as a rule, do not stick to other people’s children. They have little in common with pedophiles and sex maniacs.”
Psychological picture
It is possible to single out common psychological traits characteristic of pedophiles. They are characterized by low self-esteem, self-doubt as a sexual partner, fear of communicating with adult women. They are unsociable, anxious, shy, unable to control their impulses. These personal characteristics are formed under the influence of several factors. “Most pedophiles were victims of violence in childhood,” says Inna Ushakova. “They were beaten, humiliated, raped, they experienced incest.
And now, having become adults, in their sexual actions they either reproduce their traumatic experience (consciously or unconsciously take revenge for past pain and humiliation), or do not consider their actions to be immoral and illegal at all. As children, they themselves were the object of sexual exploitation, and it could be fixed in their psyche that it is normal to have sex with a child. In addition, many pedophiles have had traumatic experiences during adolescence, when adult sexuality is being formed. “The first sexual experience of a pedophile is often unsuccessful,” explains clinical psychologist Sergei Enikolopov. – In the past, he could be rejected by a woman, and in a rude way, he could suffer a humiliating failure and be ridiculed by a partner. For many, this can be so traumatic that they settle for infantile eroticism.” When experiences of abuse, troubled puberty, and a disharmonious personality (which is characterized by instability and impulsivity) combine, the mixture can be explosive.
Treatment or punishment?
Pedophilia is treated by psychiatrists and sex therapists. However, the problem is that those who find themselves attracted to children (fantasies of sexual intercourse with a child, sexual satisfaction from child pornography, desire to look at or touch a child’s body) rarely seek help from specialists. They are ashamed to admit their fantasies, they are afraid that their problem may be incurable, they are afraid that the doctor will condemn them, reject them or report them to law enforcement …
And these people are increasingly falling into the power of their illness. So pedophiles become “clients” not of doctors, but of policemen. “Work with pedophiles begins after they are caught,” explains Inna Ushakova. – Since most of them are recognized as mentally sane people, they are sent to places of deprivation of liberty, where no one treats them. Once such a person is released, there is a very high probability that after some time he will repeat his crime again.”
Treatment of pedophiles (individually and in groups) is carried out in several directions. Psychologists, psychotherapists, doctors help those suffering from pedophilia work out their own traumatic history, understand the reason for attraction to children (fear of having adult partners, self-doubt) and control their impulses.
Know how to say “no”
We have to admit that sexual crimes solved by law enforcement agencies are just the tip of the iceberg, there are many who commit such acts with absolute impunity. “As a rule, pedophiles unmistakably find victims who will not talk about what happened to them,” Sergey Enikolopov is sure. – These can be homeless or neglected children who simply have no one to complain to. Often these are teenagers who are ready to experience the first sexual experience and who are intrigued by communication with an adult. Often the children of dominant parents become victims of pedophiles – they do not know how or are afraid to say “no” to an adult.” We should remember: even outside the “risk group”, any child or teenager can become a victim of a pedophile, regardless of age, mental and mental development.
* According to the International Classification of Diseases (DSM), adopted by doctors in many countries of the world.
How to protect your child from pedophiles
“In this issue, we need not a protective strategy – how to protect children from sexual assault, but a positive one – how to ensure their mental and sexual health and well-being,” Igor Kon believes. – The main means for this are parental love and a warm emotional atmosphere in the family, allowing children not to feel lonely and maintain trust in their parents. One of the important elements of a trusting family atmosphere is respect for the child’s personal bodily space, for his sexuality, attentive attitude to its manifestations, the desire to understand his desires and find acceptable forms for their implementation. For example, parental intolerance of a child’s sexual interests, punishment for masturbation or looking at erotic pictures increase the likelihood that one day he will venture into risky experiments.
Girls and boys need to be warned from an early age that some contact with adults should be avoided. Explain to them that, under no pretext, you can take gifts or money from a stranger, accept an invitation to go to his house, to the cinema, to a cafe – no matter how tempting or reasonable these proposals may sound. You need to talk about this tactfully, by the way, without intimidating the child and without awakening in him painful suspicion of the people around him and his own sexuality.
Igor Kon “Sexology” Academy, 2004. The most complete coverage of the problems associated with human sexuality. Separate chapters of the book are devoted to sexual disorders and social and legal issues of sexuality.