Who and why are annoying breastfeeding mothers

Nothing seems to generate more heated debate on social media than the question “How do you feel about mothers who breastfeed in public?” Users attribute to opponents in turn either cruelty, or a craving for exhibitionism, or increased modesty, or reduced social responsibility. Why does breastfeeding still confuse us, despite the fact that we have been doing it for centuries?

Chest plus, chest minus

Women’s breasts throughout the history of mankind – at least the part of history that is documented in written sources – have been perceived alternately as “bad” and as “good”.

“When the breast was considered “good”, the emphasis was on the fact that it fed babies or, allegorically, a religious or political community. This was the case five thousand years ago, when in many Western and Middle Eastern cultures people worshiped female idols,” writes historian Marilyn Yalom in The History of the Breast.¹.

“Bad” – sinful, dirty – became when the focus of attention shifted to the sexual aspect. “When the concept of a “bad” breast dominated, it became an instrument of seduction and even aggression,” the author explains.

It should be borne in mind that such judgments were made not by women themselves, but by men: poets and doctors, politicians and clergymen. Researchers know very little evidence of how women treated a part of the body that actually belongs to them.

“In the past, feeding and sensuality were considered the antithesis … In the Renaissance, the institution of nurses appeared, and the breasts of the upper classes were intended only for sex, and the breasts of the lower class were for breastfeeding,” says Marilyn Yalom. And what is happening today?

Today, we still receive conflicting messages about what our breasts really are for. On the one hand, psychologists and pediatricians never tire of reminding us that breastfeeding is extremely important for both the child and the mother. In addition to the benefits of substances that milk contains, natural feeding promotes a secure attachment between mother and baby. Physical contact, which accompanies natural feeding on demand, has a positive effect on the rate of emotional development of the child.

On the other hand, advertising and the media continue to exploit exciting, overtly sexy female images – and breasts, of course, are given special attention. The fashion and beauty industries produce a huge amount of products and devices that are designed to improve the appearance and condition of this part of the body. Cosmetic care, plastic surgery and other “decorations” of the breast are sometimes charged to a woman as a duty.

It turns out that this part of the body in our time is still between two fires. And the requirements for it are still contradictory. Let’s try to figure out what to do with it.

That’s why it’s scary

During the Renaissance in France, there was a special kind of poem called “blazon”. It was a detailed laudatory description of the parts of the female body. Here you have comparisons with apples, and alabaster-colored skin, and smoothness, and perfection of size.

In contrast to this type of verse, there was another, in which the same parts of the female body were roughly, physiologically described. “Chest is just skin. Flaccid chest, chest like a rag,” wrote the poet Clement Marot. Surprisingly similar to the turns that are used in their speech by those who are terribly shocked by the sight of breastfeeding, isn’t it? “Bluish veins”, “saggy skin” and “terrible swollen nipples” from social networks would have found their place in the work of the Renaissance poet.

Where do these reactions come from? “The anti-praise of the breast gave men the opportunity to express through women’s breasts, thighs, knees, feet, stomach, heart and genitals their own subconscious anxiety due to the fact that all people are mortal. It is much better to verbally dismember and ridicule the female body than to study the anatomy of your own deformity and physical withering, ”explains Marilyn Yalom.

Not only men are afraid of withering and death, hence the many comments left by “happy wives and mothers” who, in theory, should support other women. So maybe we just want to abstract from the frightening story? Not to see what reminds you of life cycles, that someone comes and someone leaves? Forget that our body is fragile and imperfect?

The rules are changing

“Can a woman breastfeed in public? Previously, say, 20-30 years ago, the social contract said: this process should take place behind closed doors, away from prying eyes and closer to the hearth. However, the rules are now being revised. Nowadays, more and more women do not consider the hearth the only place where they would like to realize themselves,” says body-oriented therapist and sexologist Ekaterina Antropova.

Anyone who resents the presence of women with babies in public places forgets that mothers with children are also part of society. And they have exactly the same rights as any of us. Isolation within an apartment, interrupted only by a visit to a children’s clinic, a store and a playground, can affect the mental state of a woman in a bad way.

“Often, young mothers feel like they have fallen out of the cage. Their life before giving birth was very eventful, and now it has a lot of routine. And then they take the child with them and go back to the big world – they go to exhibitions and lectures, go out with friends, meet relatives in a cafe, ”explains the therapist. Naturally, the baby cannot “turn off” his needs for a while.

“The child has been around all this time, and you need to feed him often,” reminds Ekaterina Antropova. – Rooms for mother and child are not everywhere. A mother has a dilemma: feed the baby here or rush home through traffic jams to do it alone? Naturally, more and more women choose the first option and are attacked for it. It seems to me that these attacks are unfair: more and more modern women do not want to lock themselves in four walls, raising a baby, and they have every right to do so.

The meeting of two realities

“The ability to feed and the ability to excite still compete with each other, determining the fate of a woman,” writes Marilyn Yalom. And even if a baby is attached to our chest, this struggle does not stop. At least not for everyone.

“Some advocates of feeding in public places are sure that the breast, if fed, is not considered a sexual object. In the subjective reality of a nursing mother, this is most likely true. Especially if after giving birth she feels a decline in interest in sex in general, ”explains Ekaterina Antropova. But for other people, the breast of a nursing woman can be an erotic object, and the child at the breast does not cancel this fact.

“Having a baby is an undeniable sign of fertility, and it is directly related to sexuality,” the expert clarifies. Some moms who breastfeed in public miss this point. They want others to be sensitive to their situation and feelings, but do not think that unwitting witnesses of the “naked breakfast” also have experiences that should be handled delicately.

“People around willy-nilly receive some kind of erotic signal, which they must somehow manage – for example, experience excitement or suppress it. Someone realizes what exactly is happening to him. And someone remains at the level of the unconscious, replacing their excitement, for example, with irritation – this, by the way, is a frequent case, ”says Ekaterina Antropova.

So it would be a good idea to ask yourself first of all: “Why am I so ashamed or unpleasant if I see a woman with a child at her breast? What exactly am I experiencing right now? In any case, rude remarks should be kept to yourself.

Shock therapy

Supporters of natural feeding sometimes arrange actions: women get together and feed children in parks, shopping centers, cafes. The main purpose of such meetings is to support each other, to talk about our experiences in a friendly atmosphere. But the popularization of breastfeeding, the desire to give the image of a nursing woman the status of a habitual, and not “indecent”, also play an important role.

Often, photos of these meetings cause a storm of indignation in social networks. “There are women who turn feeding into an outrageous act. Shocking is a deliberate provocation, shocking behavior that is contrary to the norms accepted in society. In this case, shocking is intended to tell society that its attitude towards young mothers and their needs is outdated and needs to be changed,” explains Ekaterina Antropova.

“In my opinion, it really is: outdated and needed,” she says. – But the provocation, it seems to me, in this case plays against young mothers. Shocking behavior (namely, how feeding is perceived for show, without special clothes) causes aggression – and this is a natural reaction. People read the following message: “I don’t care about you, I will ignore your rules and act as I please,” and this causes an internal protest.

When the social paradigm changes, these changes are often accompanied by upheavals. The actions of suffragettes in the late XNUMXth and early XNUMXth centuries were shocking, but largely thanks to the actions of these ladies, today women can participate in elections, work, and get divorced. But then opponents wrote vicious libels about them, the police arrested them, family members could refuse recalcitrant relatives. Fortunately, it is unlikely that today relatives will stop communicating with women if they publicly do what they have done for centuries, that is, breastfeed without shame.

To regulate the most serious disputes and misdemeanors, we have a criminal code. But there is no article for public feeding in it and never has been. So can we dictate to an adult capable person what he can do and what he cannot, if it is not about an offense? And at the same time, can we dictate to another how he should feel?

The permissibility of breastfeeding in public is not only a matter of culture, but also of tradition. And they still tend to transform, taking into account the realities of modernity. And it seems that we have just become witnesses of the notorious “era of change.” So both sides will have to negotiate. And this dialogue will not be easy.

1. “History of the breast” – Marilyn Yalom (Eksmo, 2011).