How well do you know yourself? Can you say exactly who you are without being influenced by the labels and stereotypes that others place on you? If not, then you are too far away from the real you. And complexes and fears are to blame for this.
“Who are you?”, “What are you?”, “Your personality — what does it consist of?” — I’m sure you are used to reading psychological literature and reflecting, which means you can calmly answer these questions without going into reasoning. Each of us consists of experience, self-identification, our own past, talents…
All this is understandable. But not last on this list are “personalized problems”: complexes, fears, phobias, behavioral characteristics, or even shortcomings like aggressiveness or indecision.
Are they also part of our personality or not? Let’s figure it out.
Portrait of the artist in his youth
Many of us believe that personality is shaped by circumstances. Failures, pain, losses — all of them are imprinted on our «I» and create what we like to call character. Fans of Freudianism and psychoanalysis in general will not fail to add upbringing, trauma, and all kinds of parental mistakes to the list. And with this, perhaps, you can not argue.
But the question remains open: is it worth getting used to it as an obligatory part of yourself? To exist without going beyond the “given parameters”, the destruction of which takes years of therapy?.. Everyone has their own answer to it.
Parents are what they are: they didn’t read columns in psychological journals, they didn’t go to therapy
Personally, I am sure that a person comes into this world for happiness and joy. Read for life itself. As a baby, he is trusting, open, able to love, self-confident. But then he grows, and it happens to him … in fact, life happens. They said something wrong there, they compared it with the wrong thing, here he blundered …
And it makes no sense to look for the guilty. Parents? First, they are what they are: they didn’t read columns in psychological journals, they didn’t go to therapy. Secondly, they could want the best, but due to their own anxiety, which they tried not to demonstrate, so as not to cripple your psyche, they did not give you love. So you grew up to be a restless person.
It could also happen that the parents had to leave the baby in the hospital for some time. There, he was subjected to unpleasant medical manipulations, but only for the best of intentions — to save his life and maintain his health. And in the end, the parents took the little neurotic home.
There are no guilty
For clarity, let’s imagine twins. One was bitten by a dog in childhood, and the other, let’s say, was licked, happily wagging its tail. One got a fright for life, the other became attached to the four-legged.
I am sure that such “imprints of biographies” do not form a character at all, but some, relatively speaking, “disease”. Something like a rash on the face, under which the true color of your skin is not visible. And if one day you decide for yourself that you want to finally get rid of it, it will be quite realistic to do so.
Just imagine: you can take it and start living. Not to exist, not to survive, not to adapt. Do not look back timidly: no matter what happens. Do not pull yourself up: well, where am I, with my abilities. And just do what you like. Build relationships that bring pleasure. Work where it is comfortable, where you are «in the right place»: do what you like, get as much as you need.
I am convinced that in order to achieve this, it is not necessary to open up the past and remember all the dogs that have ever barked at you. I propose something else: to learn right now to exist as a healthy person without pain and problems.
Your inner voice, opinion, desires and preferences are the only thing you have
How to do it? To begin with, ask yourself what you want for breakfast in order to understand your taste preferences. Ask yourself: “If I don’t want to work again, am I doing what I always dreamed of?”
You can learn to build happy relationships only through the ability to break those that do not bring you joy. You can start doing what you love by simply learning to isolate what you really like and what you do because it is prestigious and profitable. Or because personnel officers say that this area will be on the rise.
Start listening to yourself today, now. Your inner voice, opinion, desires and preferences are the only thing you have. This is your life — live it the way you want.