I whine. From the outside, I give the impression of a person who never does this. But in fact, I like to get drunk sometimes. The main thing is to find the right person who will listen to me carefully and sympathize. And then my heart becomes better. My experience says that whining is necessary, that it is good and useful.
If you enter the word “whining” in any Internet search engine, it will offer you options for “how to stop whining”, “stop whining and start acting” and a million more tips and reasons why you need to stop it immediately. To be honest, I don’t know how the knowledge that whining is bad is instilled in me. I don’t remember that someone in the past prevented me from whining, interrupted me, forbade me and offered instead of this: “Pull yourself together, rag.”
Maybe it was because in my Soviet childhood it was considered good and right to be a hero, regardless of gender and age. And heroes, as you know, do not whine, but perform feats. And if you suddenly whine, then you are not busy saving the world, defeating enemies and fighting force majeure. Could the ideological propaganda machine really have such an impact on my emotional world? I don’t know exactly how it happened, but in the unspoken set of rules for me and for people of my age, it’s as if written: “If you have grief and trouble, hold on, if it’s difficult, overcome it, and if it’s hard, don’t whine.”
Every person needs to take a shower sometimes.
There is no ban on tears, you can cry and it’s even good for your health, everyone knows this, but you can’t whine. What it is? Whining in the literal sense, as Ozhegov’s dictionary writes, is to make viscous plaintive sounds. In a figurative sense, and we are talking about him, it means annoyingly complaining about something.
That is, to complain and thereby annoy someone. I wonder why it is our complaints bother? Maybe it’s just that the one we complain to has no patience, is inattentive and indifferent to us, and that’s why, instead of showing sympathy and pity for us when we complain, someone decides that we bother him? That is, the point is not in our complaint, but in the fact that the one to whom we decided to whine is just a callous beast?
I’m not talking about «professional whiners», that is, those whose first reaction to any obstacle in life is an annoying complaint. And about us ordinary people. By the way, it seems to me that the number of “professionals” among us is greatly exaggerated, I personally know hundreds of people, and there is not a single one of them. Every person needs to take a break sometimes.
Argument one
We have a legal right to express our own feelings. And negative feelings too: anger, grief, anger, resentment and any other mental pain. Since whining has accumulated inside, we have the right to release it.
Argument two
When I present to a person this lengthy and lingering complaint of mine, I place great confidence in this person. That is, I do not whine to the first one that comes across, but to my close person, friend. I do not varnish for him, as a stranger, a glossy, superficial picture of myself, but I spread the real truth. Whining is an act of trust.
Argument three
Complaining suggests that a person will be comforted if they are pitied. That is, in modern terms, share his experiences and sympathize. There is nothing shameful in the fact that we have come to someone for comfort.
I’m talking about the benefits of whining for adults. And here is what psychologist Naomi Ananyeva writes about children, about how and why they whine, and what happens if parents forbid it.
“The child whines when the mother ignores him and his important needs: “Mom, come on mom.” When she does not hear his requests, she does not read the signals. Whining is an indirect form of expressing unpleasant experiences. If it was forbidden to be upset, cry, complain — all that remained was to whine …
The child begins to be afraid of whining if, in childhood, parents shamed and scolded him for natural manifestations. When he cried when he fell, or was upset when he lost something. It was forbidden to grieve, cry or complain. They did not name and did not share feelings. But it is easier to cope with any experience when it is accepted and shared:
“It’s really painful and sad.
— It’s really very hard.
“I understand how upset you are.
“I would be so worried too if this happened to me.”
“How hard it is for you.
“My poor girl.
More often, the child in response to his grief hears:
— Don `t cry!
— Do not complain!
That is the message: ignore your pain, needs, desires.
«Nothing’s wrong with you!»
«And you’re not tired at all!»
And it doesn’t hurt at all!
“And there is nothing to be afraid of.
Message: deny all your feelings and signals, do not trust them.
“Don’t distract me, I’m busy with important things, don’t you see?
Message: you are not important at all, my affairs are much more important than you and your feelings.
Such children themselves learn to ignore their feelings, to hide from others, who sometimes do not even realize how difficult it is for them. And of course, it is very difficult for such a person to consider himself valuable and worthy of love, care, attention.
Argument four
Listening to children’s whining and showing attention to the baby means showing the child his importance and strengthening self-esteem. It works the same way with adults. In short, adults and children sometimes need to get drunk. This is confirmed by the American psychologist, Professor Barbara Held. She believes that we are all now victims of the tyranny of positive, forced positive thinking. That is, we are now obliged, no matter what attack falls on us, to save face, “focus on internal resources” and consider problems as interesting “challenges”. This is exactly what is expected of us, and society will encourage such a reaction.
Barbara says: “Life is hard, but that in itself is not a problem. The problem is that we are made to think that life is not difficult.” And if life is difficult, then it is generally not a sin to complain about it. Barbara Held even wrote a special book called Stop Smiling, Start Groaning.
Argument five
The freedom to complain is related to the ability to face reality and accept it as it is, without self-deception or deception of others. You feel bad — cry, you find it funny — laugh, you have something to complain about and whine — whine.