Find a way to who we were at the beginning of our life, and learn from this child spontaneity, freshness of perception, originality of thinking … Different areas of psychology say: we should establish an internal dialogue with our children’s “I”.
The founders of Rome, Romulus and Remus, thrown by their evil uncle into the rushing waters of the Tiber; the ancient Jewish prophet Moses, miraculously saved by the daughter of the Egyptian pharaoh; the ruler of the Olympian gods, Zeus, who was almost swallowed in infancy by his own father Kronos … Most cultural traditions carry myths, traditions and fairy tales that tell about children who managed to escape danger and go through many trials before realizing themselves and turning into heroes. These characters perfectly illustrate the concept that has gained immense popularity in modern psychology: in each of us there lives a child that we once were and who is prevented from manifesting by our today’s adult hypostasis. Recognizing and releasing this child means recognizing and unlocking our inner being, spontaneity and creativity.
Free your future
Back in the 40s of the last century, the largest Swiss psychologist Carl Gustav Jung drew attention to the fact that in various mythological systems the divine child is often assigned the role of a savior. Later, Jung spoke about his own unusual experience – getting to know the child inside him, which had a huge impact on him.
“THE ARCHETYPE OF THE CHILD EXPRESSES THE STRONGEST DESIRE OF A HUMAN TO SELF-REALIZATION.”
Trying to restore his childhood games in his memory, he felt that this memory echoed in his soul with an unusual trembling and warmth. “Aha,” I said to myself, “it’s all still alive in me. The kid inside me is not dead and is full of creative energy, which I lack so much. But how can I find my way to it? For me, as an adult, it seemed impossible to return to my eleven-year-old self. But there was no other way, and I had to find my way back to my childhood with its childish amusements. It was a turning point in my life.”*
The meeting with the inner child allowed Jung to create a theory of archetypes, according to which the collective unconscious consists of structural elements-symbols that express the most fundamental relationships in society – it is they, according to the psychologist, that underlie all mental processes and experiences, the causes and meaning of which not always clear to us. In this system, the archetype of the child embodies vital forces, ways and possibilities that are inaccessible to intellectual comprehension, and expresses the strongest desire of a person – the desire for self-realization. As Jung writes, “the child is a potential future.”**
* C. G. Jung “Memories, Dreams, Reflections.” Harvest, 2003.
** C. G. Jung “The Divine Child”. AST, 1997.
The concept of the “inner child” was adopted by psychologists from several directions at once. “Despite the numerous differences between scientists from different psychological schools,” says existential psychotherapist Svetlana Krivtsova, “they all interpret this concept as a synonym for emotional openness to the world, spontaneous impulses and the ability to rejoice. In existential analysis, this concept corresponds to the ability to be close to oneself.
Among the scientific concepts that to some extent have absorbed ideas about the inner child, the most famous is the theory of transactional analysis, created in the 60s of the last century by the American psychotherapist Eric Berne.
According to Berne, there are three states of self in our inner world: the Parent, who makes the rules, the Adult, who analyzes information and resolves problems, and the Child, who reacts emotionally and directly to the world. In Berne’s words, “In many ways, the Child is one of the most valuable components of personality, as it brings to a person’s life what a real child brings to family life: joy, creativity and charm” ***.
“WE ALL REMAIN CHILDREN EXILED INTO ADULTS.”
In the 80s, American psychologist John Bradshaw took the next step in understanding our true relationship with our childhood selves. In particular, he believed that we all remain children exiled into adulthood. Bradshaw developed a psychotherapeutic method of communicating with the inner child, enriching this concept with new content.
He believed that the inner (like any) child grows and develops, while passing through the same stages of personal development: infancy, early childhood, preschool age, and so on. At some point, we stop feeling it, leave it, forget about it, thereby inflicting deep trauma on it. Bradshaw called the abandoned inner child “the wounded child.” At what stage in the development of the inner child we have cut off the connection with him, it depends on what problems we will experience in our adult life. Bradshaw’s technique is to understand at what point we turned away from our own childhood self, return to it and re-establish contact.
At about the same time, the American psychoanalysts Gal and Sidra Stone turned to the concept of the “inner child”, who believed that the Child lives in our inner world along with many other subpersonalities (hypostases): Careerist, Tyrant, Protector, An artist … Based on the ideas of the Italian psychoanalyst, the founder of psychosynthesis **** Roberto Assagioli (Roberto Assagioli), who believed that these subpersonalities provoke internal conflicts and interfere with the manifestation of our true “I”, Gal and Sidra Stone developed the method of “internal dialogue”, the goal which is to prevent spiritual discomfort by establishing contact with each of the subpersonalities separately and, first of all, with our inner child.
*** E. Bern “People who play games.” Modern Writer, 2006.****Method of psychotherapy, which consists in summarizing, interpreting and clarifying the information obtained during psychoanalysis.
Self talk
Despite different visions of the place of the inner child in the life of an adult, psychologists agree on one thing: communication with him is necessary. To do this, it is very important to learn how to talk to him. Often we treat the process of dialogue with ourselves ironically, but in reality such conversations are our deepest need. “Even as adults, each of us needs care,” says Svetlana Krivtsova. “Therefore, it is important to remember that next to each of us there is always a devoted and friendly person – this is ourselves.”
We have been brought up in a culture that does not teach us to satisfy our needs for warmth and tenderness on our own. However, this is not only natural, but also necessary. “Try to address yourself the way a benevolent elder would address a tired and unhappy younger one,” advises Svetlana Krivtsova, “tell your inner child all the words that you would like to hear from your mother or other emotionally close person. Pity yourself after a hard day’s work – and you will feel warmth and peace. Denying this to ourselves, not wanting or embarrassed to have such conversations with our inner childish “I”, we risk “overloading” with our expectations those people from our environment who are able to give us warmth.
Few people had a perfect childhood – without conflicts, experiences and traumas. Therefore, each of us has a need to reconnect with our inner child in order to cheer him up, console him, understand him. Talking to your childish self is not the only form of internal dialogue, but perhaps one of the most important. And it’s worth starting communication with yourself with her.
Center for psychological counseling and psychotherapy “Genesis” (495) 792 7014.
Center for Practical Psychology “Integration” (495) 254 9384.
About it
Carl Gustav Jung “Divine Child” AST, 1997. Collection of lectures, articles and essays by the founder of analytical psychology, C. G. Jung, in which he explores the deep foundations of the human psyche. The work “Divine Child” is just one of them.
5 steps towards him
When trying to talk to your inner child, try not to pretend to be it, but to feel it. This will help the exercises that the existential psychotherapist offers. Svetlana Krivtsova.
To establish contact with him, place both palms on the solar plexus area or on an area at chest level. Close your eyes. Ask yourself: what do I feel? What would I like? Listen to yourself.
Talk to your inner child or write him a letter. Tell him about yourself from the moment you began to grow up, share doubts and discoveries. At first, such an exercise can be confusing: perhaps this is a consequence of the fact that it is difficult for you to accept your inner child.
If you feel that you have been missing something for a long time, take pity on yourself – your inner child. You have lost a lot of time, for many years without referring to yourself. You have spent a lot of energy on some important things, you are exhausted, and a person in this state becomes very fragile. Say a few sympathetic words to yourself, and you will feel your vitality returning. Learn to be your own mother – the one who understands, regrets and can give warmth. (So that later, over time, learn to be your own father, that is, a fair judge.)
If there are too many emotions, just draw them. And then ask your inner child to draw the adult you have become. You can ask him to draw something that makes him angry, proud, happy or sad.
Take a sheet of paper, write down in one column what you are proud of, and in the other – a list of your childhood grievances. Very often, what we are proud of grows out of what we did not receive in childhood. Eternally chasing new achievements, we often cannot stop, and it is likely that the same offended “inner child” that you have not paid attention to for so long encourages us to the endless pursuit of new achievements.