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How to find yourself? How to fill the emptiness that we feel inside? And what if we don’t have the energy to act? The answers to these questions can only be learned by interacting with the outside world.
“There is nothing interesting in my life … Work-home-work, no hobbies.” Or you also often hear: “How to find yourself? I can’t understand what I want, although I constantly think about it. ”
true needs
It seems to me that I know the answer – more precisely, where to go in order to find the answer. In my opinion, a hopeless business is to look for answers to the questions “How to find yourself?”, “How to find hobbies?” or “Where can I get the energy to live?” within yourself. They are not there, so the question addressed to oneself is returned by a reflected echo.
A person exhausted by hunger will never find a source of new calories and nutrients. It is the same with our psyche – there is no “destiny” that was laid in us before we were born. In our “I” there are only our needs, the feeling of lack is what does not make us feel good.
Finding a need in yourself means just discovering the inner emptiness that you want to fill
Our three basic needs are security (the schizoid part of personality), acceptance by others (the neurotic part), and acceptance (the narcissistic part). Now – where are the objects that are able to satisfy these three basic needs? In us – or in the outside world? Who will be fed up with recognition from himself and no one else?
True security is not in solitude, but in trusting contact with another. A person who is constantly immersed in himself, turns away from the outside world into “introspection”, plunges into a state of need, endlessly feeling it. Feeling your need clearly and clearly is important, but what happens if a hungry person constantly feels his hunger and refuses to open his eyes to look around for food? And many people are in this state.
open up to the world
So, the answer to the question “Where do you get interests and psychological energy for business?” very simple: in the outside world. The meaning of life cannot be discovered in oneself, it is revealed when we are open to the world.
Those who need a little openness and take a long time to “digest” and assimilate impressions, we call “introverts.” “Extroverts” are those of us who have a lot of energy, they absorb a lot of it from the outside world, but they are often illegible, clogging their “I” with other people’s voices and lives, which timidly tries to communicate their needs.
There are those who are afraid to go out into the world – it is full of dangers and monsters. It is better to be hidden in the shell of your inner Universe, in which, however, there is emptiness, silence and apathy. There are those who have forgotten about their “I”, having completely merged with the external environment: they are not afraid, because the “I” is lost, which can experience fear. They become scared when life at some point throws them out of its stream.
At our service there are a lot of surrogates that do not make it possible to feel real hunger: TV and the Internet as fast food, identical to the natural world.
The energy to act arises as a result of the tension between the need and the objects that can satisfy this need.
The more clearly you feel hunger, without dulling it with surrogates, the more actively you will look for food. You are clearly and clearly aware of both the emptiness and that which can fill it. Communication with other people, music, favorite book, business – anything, but none of these activities are inside us.
Happiness is a state when we know that we have everything in order to satisfy all the important needs that arise … I think many people are familiar with a surge of energy at a moment of clear awareness: “So this is what I want!” or: “That’s what it takes!”. To feel happiness, you need to actively seek and interact with the outside world. As long as you don’t search, don’t sort through, you will never find an object to which the body will respond: “Mine!”
So, if we do not have pathology and we are still alive, then the point is not that there is no interest or strength, but where we “merge” or hide the energy to act. There are three options here:
1. “I don’t want anything”
Needs may not be recognized, but they are there. Because otherwise “I don’t want anything” would be equal to “I have everything and I’m perfectly happy.” As a rule, people who report a lack of needs feel very differently. More precisely, it will be – “I do not understand what I want.”
Another aspect: “I know my needs, but I’ll have to do something there …” In this case, either a diligent muffling of your need occurs (most often through depreciation in the style of “Well, some nonsense desires … Something more serious is needed so that mom finally appreciates”), or this is clearly not what we really want.
A truly hungry person will not, wincing, turn away from vegetables and demand grouse in pineapple sauce – he will eat and enjoy the food spicy. Few people eat as energetically as hungry.
2. “All women are fools, all men are bastards”
Something is wrong with the objects in the external environment. What does it mean? It means that in the outer world you do not see anything at close range that would satisfy your inner hunger. All women are fools, men are alcoholics and parasites (and all the normal ones are already attached). Bosses are cretins, and I will not approach this and will never say anything, because I will feel like an idiot as a result.
Or: I will not try to establish contact with him, because it will still be the same as always …
That is, devaluation rules the ball again – a person has learned well to reject. As a result, there is nothing left in the world (or rather, in consciousness) that could fill the inner emptiness, and the emptiness is expanding more and more.
3. “I’m afraid to take risks”
The need and the object are clear, but something prevents action. Energy is blocked halfway or sprayed. Who doesn’t know situations when you want to say something important to another person, but you are desperately afraid and as a result, over and over again you chat about anything, but not about important things?
Another way is to use surrogates. Get acquainted not with those girls that you want, but with those who are more accessible. Constantly chew something – then you will not feel hunger at all. There is no energy and lightness, but it is safe …
A life full of energy and interest is the way of the tightrope walker. We balance over a huge noisy world, listening to the quiet voice of our “I”, speaking about needs. If you are attentive to the world, you can find something in tune with the inner voice. This is where energy comes in – as a reaction of recognition: “This is mine!”