“Have you already decided where to study next?” Hearing this question once again, I want to run away and hide somewhere — this topic has tortured the senior schoolchildren and their parents so much. The choice is important… How to help children understand themselves and make it meaningful?
Most teenagers find it difficult to decide where to go after school. This is because they lack information about professions, their social circle is limited, and teenagers often protest against the influence of adults.
Unfortunately, it is somehow not customary for us to ask children about their experiences. But they are so pressured by the expectations of their parents, and sometimes of all relatives. Every person you meet strives to ask this question: “Well, have you decided where you are going?”
After several years of pressure from the school and close internal resources, the child simply does not have the choice to make an independent choice. And it happens that parents seem to provide freedom, but the child feels that they are nervous and is afraid not to live up to expectations.
So it turns out that matured children seem to run into a wall and try to solve the problem logically, instead of just stopping and asking themselves questions:
- Do I really need to go there?
- Is what I want really «beyond this wall»?
- Is it possible to get around it, or maybe there is a door nearby?
- Why am I scared to go there?
- What am I not willing to give up to take this important step?
Masha got lost
Recently, a middle-aged woman and her teenage daughter came to me for a consultation. Masha was already in the 10th grade, but still did not know where she would go. This was very worrying for both my mother and all the relatives. It seemed to Masha that her main difficulty was that she could not choose a university.
To solve such a problem, most often you need to get out of the circle of people included in the situation and look at it as if from the outside.
In such cases, visualization technique helps. It allows the client to see a picture of the proposed future, to realize and speak their feelings associated with it. Therefore, I asked Masha to imagine the proposed place of study and the way to it.
In the first minutes, this path seemed to her dark and deserted, frightening. The institute itself (as she imagined it) was an old, shabby building on the outskirts. The people who entered there did not pay any attention to her. Everyone passed by as if the girl was invisible. She felt very uncomfortable, she felt like a stranger and alone.
In such cases, visualization technique helps. It allows the client to see a picture of the supposed future
It is this last feeling that we have focused on in our work. It turned out that, in fact, Masha did not want to part with her friends, because she already had a traumatic experience of changing schools. She was afraid that she would not be accepted, she would not find new friends and would begin to experience loneliness again. This was one of the reasons that prevented the girl from starting to choose an educational institution.
Then we started working with Machine fear fear. With the help of visualizations, Masha was able to look at the situation from a different angle and realized that her friends would remain friends, just that everyone would go their own way. She felt more confident and realized that she could find friends in a new place.
And after that, the picture of the place where she was to study changed in her imagination. The road to the institute became more joyful and brighter, because there her still imaginary, but still friends were waiting for her.
Letting go of your own ideas and letting your son or daughter hear yourself is the best support.
Expanding boundaries
Then we moved on to Machine Interests. She said that she liked chemistry but did not want to work all her life at a school or in the office of some company. It turned out that she was frightened by the closed space, she seemed to suffocate in it. At the session, Masha was able to finish painting large windows in the gloomy building of an imaginary university, from which a beautiful view opened.
Expanding the boundaries of the vision of the future profession, the girl gave free rein to fantasy and dreams. Images of working in nature or remote work from anywhere in the world appeared. Masha was pleasantly surprised. Barriers in the mind have been removed, and the “wall effect” has disappeared, when it seems that there is only one way and there is no choice.
After the session, Masha said that she felt relieved. She was able to put into words what was weighing on her so much. And she made a plan of action on how to search for information about the direction of interest to her.
Recently, a girl sent me a message: she settled on biotechnology. And she has another year to choose a university.
General recommendations
Collection of information
This is another important point in choosing a future profession. Many are not even aware of the existence of specialties that have emerged in the last decade at the intersection of disciplines. It’s worth taking a look at them!
Family support
Many teenagers are afraid to talk to their relatives, they are too vulnerable and afraid to confess their dreams. After all, parents often have their own (and indestructible) opinion about a better future for their child. It is quite difficult to give up your own ideas and give your son or daughter the opportunity to hear yourself. But this is the best support for your children.
career guidance
Of course, there are many programs that help you decide on career guidance. But they, unfortunately, are not always focused on a soft and unobtrusive approach to the child’s soul. But a teenager needs to cope with anxiety and understand himself. And if he does not have a person in his environment whom he could trust, you can turn to a specialist. It will help overcome fears and gently guide you to find your own path.