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Hello, dear readers of Valery Kharlamov’s website! Today we want to raise a topic that has worried people at all times.
Namely, to talk about what constitutes a generation gap. We will find out the main reasons for its occurrence, and also try to figure out how it is possible to resolve it.
What it is?
To openly declare the conflict between generations and to actively use this term began in America in the 1960s.
During this period, a protest arose among the youth regarding the war with Vietnam. She was also not satisfied with the racial discrimination that was in the country and social injustice.
Teenagers quarreled with their parents, engaged in hand-to-hand combat with the police. And it was so large-scale that sociologists started talking about the open, acute problem of fathers and children.
Although it has existed at all times, and will always exist, as long as humanity is alive.
The most profoundly studied this topic were such specialists as Carl Whitaker, Murray Bowen, Virginia Satir and Salvador Minukhin.
The conflict of generations is the emergence of contradictions between representatives of both the same and different generations.
It allows you to either strengthen relationships and social ties between the participants, or vice versa, destroy them if they failed to find a way out of the current situation that would suit both parties.
Types of generations
- Silent (1923 — 1943). Silent — because the Stalinist repressions caused horror, respectively, people tried to be invisible, this allowed them to survive in those days. Differs in patience, devotion and suspicion.
- Baby Boomers (1943 — 1963). After the war, there was a surge in the birth rate, hence the name. They are characterized by optimism, collectivism and diligence.
- X (1963 — 1984). Perestroika fell on these years, which is why the rebels, as this generation is also called, strive for change. They do not tolerate patriarchy and fight for equality.
- Y (1984 — 2000). They are also called millennials or zero generation. They want to get everything from life, so their activities are directed towards pleasure. They do not value knowledge, preferring “useful acquaintances” to them to achieve goals.
- Z (2003 — 2023). The Zetas, unlike the Y’s, understand that they need education. Freedom-loving and receding before difficulties. Capricious, cautious and not responsible. And also developed, because there are so many opportunities around, only the lazy will not use them.
The main causes of
There are many reasons why so-called conflicts of «fathers and children» arise. In principle, each situation is individual and may include several factors at once.
We want to bring to your attention those that are observed most often and are the main ones.
Unwillingness to obey
In adolescence, independence is formed. A child at this age is trying to understand what he is and what he is capable of. Therefore, it is important not to limit his freedom, but to give him the opportunity to know himself.
But there are families in which such aspirations to become independent from adults are perceived with hostility. Parents believe that due to age they understand life better, which is why they tell their teenager what to love and how to act.
In principle, this is true, they usually have much more experience and knowledge than their children. But it is extremely important to give everyone a chance to fill their bumps.
Some are resigned to the authoritarian parents, but most do not want to obey them. Therefore, the pubertal period is called the most difficult.
The teenager protests, proves his point of view. And he usually fights just for the right to be who he is. The very subject of the dispute may not be so important, the matter is in the process itself and the result. He longs for adult recognition of himself as a person.
Mismatch between expectations and reality
People tend to be fascinated and stay in illusions, fantasies, completely ignoring reality. For example, when getting married, young people most often think that they will become happier, simply because their relationship will become legal.
But in fact, it all depends on them, how willing they are to accept each other’s shortcomings. Are they able to withstand intimacy, and how do they cope with the difficulties that arise.
In general, family happiness is provided by a lot of factors, which are dangerous to ignore. So, with charm, disappointment is bound to follow. The only question is how quickly it will come.
In the same way, parents, oblivious to reality, may expect from their children what they are simply not capable of. When a boy who loves to dance is forced to box, this gradually provokes tension in the relationship.
He will be angry at such a tough parent, and, accordingly, will try to rebel, defending his rights to do what he likes.
If it is strictly forbidden in the family to show aggression and, in general, to get annoyed, he will direct the destructive vector towards himself.
That is, either he will consciously strive to get into traumatic situations, or he will have a number of complex diseases that will not allow him to continue his sports career. Simply put, they will give reason to quit boxing.
Differences in the value system
There are people who are keenly aware of the fact that others may not agree with their point of view. That they do not live at all as they should, and in general, they do not understand a lot of things, unlike them.
Some prioritize family, while others prioritize career. And each of them will be happy and unhappy in their own way. There is no single correct value. Workaholism will benefit someone, but on the contrary, it will harm someone.
In addition, people have different needs at different times. We should not forget that people during the Great Patriotic War needed to be able to survive and fight enemies. The next generation was restoring the country, so they worked tirelessly.
What was important before is not as relevant now. But this does not mean that representatives of different generations have the right to devalue each other.
Fear of everything new
Older people most often refuse the technologies that the modern generation offers them. They spent most of their lives without the Internet and gadgets, enjoying each other’s company, nature.
Why is it difficult for them to understand how to handle phones, how to use a computer, and why robots were invented at all.
They are also afraid to make mistakes, because they are used to the fact that they entail negative consequences. And how to deal with these errors, they have no idea. Suddenly, by pressing the wrong combination of keys, they will completely break some kind of piece of equipment?
In addition, it is worth considering the fact that scientific and technological progress undermines the authority of the older generation.
Any five-year-old child is able to go to YouTube and turn on a cartoon, download an application or game of interest. Why would he then obey a man who is incapable of such a thing? And only declares that he has seen a lot in this life?
Selfishness
There are individuals who are not interested in other people’s opinions, they only care about their own well-being, even if this requires creating inconvenience to others. They are simply deprived of the feeling that there are boundaries beyond which it is not worth going.
People call them self-satisfied and spoiled, in psychology there is such a term as selfishness.
So, you should not expect respect, recognition and acceptance of a different point of view from an egoist. Especially for older people.
Disregard for the past
Our ancestors made a lot of mistakes, as, in principle, each of us. After all, ideality, as you know, does not exist.
In addition, in the past, people were limited in their capabilities. Every year, humanity receives more and more answers to questions that have troubled it for decades.
So, modern youth can consider themselves smarter than their predecessors, why ignore the experience that the elders are trying to pass on to them. This, of course, offends and angers, which makes the relationship difficult, provoking conflict situations.
Aftermath
Negative
- Deterioration of mood and general well-being due to stress. Any quarrel is tension, and subsequently stress for the body, which very rarely benefits its owner. There is a section in psychology called psychosomatics. It studies the influence of various psychological factors on the emergence and development of somatic diseases. If simplified and in a popular way, then this is a statement that any illness is from nerves.
- Relationship breakdown or increased misunderstanding. When both sides are not ready to hear each other, recognize and seek compromises, this causes a lot of anger. Which, in principle, has such a powerful energy that it can lead to the fact that people stop communicating. Even despite the fact that they are related.
- Growing social tension. It manifests itself in the form of distrust in the authorities, a decrease in the demographic situation, excessive demand and general anxiety among the population.
Positive
- Changes in the value system of participants. Every conflict is a clash of different points of view. Both parties get the opportunity to reconsider their ideals and values, to understand that there are other opinions. And if they understand that their priorities are set incorrectly, because they do not allow them to achieve what they want and realize their goals, then there is a chance to change their lives for the better, based on someone else’s experience.
- Removing social tension.
- Solving life’s problems and complex tasks. This was already mentioned in the column about rethinking values. In addition, in the process of conflict resolution, opponents resolve not only the main problem, but also related ones.
Resolution Methods
It should be understood that the problem of intergenerational conflicts will exist as long as humanity is alive.
But it is in our power to anticipate the appearance of protracted and complex quarrels, as well as to minimize losses. This refers to the ability to stop in time, until a break in relations occurs.
Recommendations
- If you want to be heard, learn to listen and hear back. Ignoring the opponent’s words, devaluing them and ridiculing them, you will only «throw firewood» into the fire of misunderstanding that has already flared up. Use the techniques of active listening, then you will achieve positive results in the process of communication.
- Argument your opinion. Using information from a reliable source will increase your chances of being listened to.
- Avoid insults and personal attacks at the time of the dispute. Otherwise, you will only set the interlocutor against yourself, causing him a lot of indignation.
- Accept compromises. There are situations when instead of «or», you can use «and». That is, both sides can be right and worthy of respect. Search together for options that will equally suit you and the other.
- Make concessions if the relationship is more valuable to you than being right in this matter. Yes, it is unpleasant, but the loss of a loved one will not bring much happiness.
- Ignore the conflict if you understand that it is organized artificially, only for emotional release. For example, it happens that disagreements in a family begin for one simple reason — the fatigue of its members. It is worth resting at least a little, and then what is happening will be perceived differently, more calmly.
- Look for opportunities and resources. By stopping yourself in a moment of anger at the fact that your point of view is being devalued, and by thinking about what you will take away from this conversation, you will be able to move forward in your development. Suppose you learn about someone else’s experience, share your own, this will expand your horizons. Or, by the behavior of your opponent, you will understand how you should behave yourself, and what words and behaviors it is better to refuse.
Completion
And that’s all for today, dear readers! You will receive more information on how to correctly argue your opinion in order to persuade people around you from this article.
Take care of yourself and of course be happy!
The material was prepared by a psychologist, Gestalt therapist, Zhuravina Alina