Contents
Hello dear readers! The jealousy of a woman is sometimes boundless and terrible. And all because since ancient times, a man was considered a breadwinner, a protector. His loss threatened literally with the death of all family members. Why did the representatives of the weaker sex worry so much about his life and health. Later, feminists appeared in our society. They defended the rights of women and their independence, but in fact, even in their unconscious, there is a fear of losing the one you love. And today we will consider the main causes of this painful feeling, as well as methods that help ease suffering and allow you to realistically assess the situation, excluding meaningless fantasies.
Causes of jealousy
Fears
1. Fear of losing the object of your love, relationships and other values uXNUMXbuXNUMXbthat a woman receives while her beloved is faithful to her and is with her.
2. Avoidance of loneliness, which is so frightening that a person is sometimes ready to put up with the presence in his life of someone completely insignificant and uninteresting. This horror of loneliness can be so strong that the person really clings to the other with a stranglehold. He is terribly afraid of losing, which is why he suspects of all conceivable and unthinkable sins.
This happens due to a lack of love and attention in childhood. Let’s say if the child lived through the divorce of the parents, or they were so worried about how to provide for the family that they disappeared all the time at work, drank or were not able to take care of.
3. Uncertainty, both in oneself and in the sincere feelings of a partner, causes anguish and worries, as well as fear that he will find someone better.
Owner woman
Jealousy also occurs in those who are accustomed to treating others as property. Especially allowing illusions to rule that the beloved will not go anywhere now, which is why you can allow anything in relation to him. But now he doesn’t look so happy anymore, and looks at others, periodically talking about divorce or difficulties, expresses claims to marriage and so on.
Owner women make a terrible mistake — instead of hearing their beloved and trying to find a compromise together, they “hang” on this illusion, trying to cling to it tenaciously, causing even more suffering to the chosen one. At such a moment, sincerity and lightness seem to be erased, the desire to be together along with pleasure, and the word “should” appears, and the feeling that power over it is lost.
Psychological trauma from the past
Such jealousy, based on past negative experiences, is simply pathological. A person loses the ability to trust the opposite sex, this basic human need is constantly in a state of frustration, that is, unsatisfied. And then she becomes unable to notice the present, paying attention «into herself», constantly bumping into past events and living them again and again.
It only destroys everything that has been built together. Therefore, a man quite justifiably becomes forced to look back at others who are able to trust and relax nearby. That only convinces the jealous woman of the correctness of her suspicions. She will not even allow the thought that she herself provokes treason. By the way, we discussed in this article about whether to forgive or not forgive betrayal.
Emotions and feelings
1. Jealousy sometimes manifests itself as a sophisticated way to punish a partner, cause him suffering and get evidence of self-love. It’s worth it to “puff out your lips”, pretending to be an unfortunate victim, as the darling immediately runs after the bouquet and swears fidelity and sincerity of feelings.
2. When a woman does not receive something, she is very aggressive about any manifestation of attention of her chosen one to others, even if it be his mother or colleagues.
3. The person who does not know how to let go and say goodbye, as well as enjoy the present, is doomed to constantly worry. He hangs in anxiety that one day the day will come and he will lose what he has.
Ways to get rid
Awareness
It is important to realize that if you are characterized by unreasonable suspicions and accusations, then you are largely responsible for the failed relationship. Because it is difficult to be around someone who does not trust and constantly doubts, who all the time has to prove something and explain himself, justify himself. Why is it so difficult for a man?
Even if he loves a lot, someday there will be a limit and his patience will burst. At best, he will muster up the courage and declare directly his desire to end your union. At worst, he will seek shelter in the arms of another in order to be able to recover, exhale and feel that he is accepted and appreciated.
Need
Learn to track, as soon as anxiety appears in the soul, what kind of need is currently bare and not satisfied, in order to speak about it directly. Very often, behind the mask of jealousy, there is a desire to be loved, a feeling of tenderness or love for the chosen one, which is not expressed in a direct way.
So, instead of “cutting” and blaming, maybe it would be more appropriate to say how dear he is to you, valuable, and that you are just terribly afraid of losing him? Sometimes it is not easy to say honestly, because this will mean that you are hurt and vulnerable, which is not as impregnable as you would like to seem.
But it will help to get rid of anxiety. After all, in fact, you are really vulnerable, he is really valuable to you, and what he gives you is not enough for you.
Self-concept
It doesn’t matter what reason you have for worrying about your lover’s fidelity. It will be useful to increase your self-esteem, work on identity, femininity and sexuality. It is important to learn to accept yourself as you are, and appreciate your strengths, advantages, not forgetting about the shortcomings that you can and should work on.
Even a beauty queen can have complexes regarding her appearance, no matter how paradoxical and ridiculous it may sound, so the recommendations from the article on inferiority complexes will not be superfluous.
Love for yourself
How can you believe that you are truly loved if you yourself do not experience such emotions for your personality? And I do not call for becoming selfish, as well as playing the role of an unfortunate victim, just study the article about self-love. Perhaps the advice of a psychologist indicated in it will help change relationships with one’s own personality in order to establish them in the future with loved ones.
obsessive thoughts
It is difficult in situations where there is no real reason to doubt something else, when the soul is tormented by fantasies, up to the occurrence of paranoia and delirium. Obsession with thoughts is already a diagnosis, a neurotic disorder, and it is very difficult to deal with it. So check out this article for valuable tips on how to beat this condition.
But if it is impossible to “turn on” logic and common sense, in such situations you should seek help from a specialist. Especially when you can’t control your words and actions, and there is a risk of creating a lot of problems.
Brainstorm
Try to get to the depths of the subconscious with the help of brainstorming. Take a piece of paper, relax and ask the question: “Why should I be jealous, what does this give me?”, And sketch out all the options that come to mind. There will be no right or wrong answers, let me write out to my hand even what seems like nonsense.
Here are 10 minutes of absolute silence and no value judgment. After re-reading what you wrote, if no ideas or insights have arisen, try to return to the list the next day to analyze it.
Self-control
Regular self-control will help get rid of anxiety and suspicion. That is, stop every time when there is a desire to get on the social page of the chosen one in search of new likes or comments, or look at the phone, tablet, and even diary. Direct the vector of control from it to yourself.
The truth of feelings
Since fantasies and suspicions are basically a marker that something has ceased to suit me, each time you track them, think about what went wrong. Maybe the husband forgot to buy cucumbers yesterday? You got a little angry, and now the irritation is looking for a way out with the help of nit-picking about his sincerity and loyalty?
Do not immediately make a scandal with clarifications. Look for the root cause, after which, if it is still important to express indignation about being left without cucumbers, then try to openly tell your spouse about what is happening to you.
For example: “Darling, yesterday you forgot to buy what I asked for. I was so upset that I had thoughts that you stopped loving me and that I was no longer important to you. I really miss your attention. If you hug me now, it will make me feel a little better.” Agree, in this form, a scandal is unlikely, and there is no place for suspicion.
personal freedom
Getting rid of pathological jealousy will help return to your own personality. I mean that when a person is very dependent on someone, he loses his freedom of choice. That is, as if unable to be happy without an object of adoration. It was as if the whole world had converged on him with a wedge, which is why he loves him and hates him at the same time, because now he is not free and is afraid to lose.
So remember what makes you happy, you feel harmony and awe, peace and pleasure. With one condition — separately, without a loved one. Go to courses, travel, relax with friends, train and more.
Conclusion
And that’s all for today, dear readers! Work on yourself and relationships, take care of them if they are valuable. Then you will have much less reason to be sad, angry and disappointed!