Excessive narcissism and inflated self-esteem are the main signs of narcissism. How these qualities are born and why they interfere with building personal life and business relationships, says psychologist Natalya Balayan.
Causes of Narcissism
Roots go back to childhood. In a narcissist, interaction with parents occurs according to the pendulum scheme, which ultimately negatively affects the child’s psyche. Mother and father endlessly evaluate all actions. Any achievements are praised, and then depreciated: «Could be even better.» Or they are compared with the results of other children. This leads to an internal conflict: the child does not understand where the limit of perfection is to be achieved.
The little person is taught to depend on external evaluation and strive with all his might for approval. Such an attitude negatively affects self-esteem, a narcissistic drama arises. On the one hand, the child wants to feel unique and inimitable, and on the other hand, he understands that he is one of many, but not the best.
There may be such an option: he lived with his grandmother, who constantly praised him and admired him, then he got to his mother and father, who suddenly began to criticize him.
A characteristic manifestation of narcissism is the “excellent student syndrome”: five or nothing. Thus, absolute trust in the opinions of others is born and one’s own internal achievements are depreciated. The child agrees to the demands of the parents. Narcissism begins to prevail in his personality structure, he tries to get love, approval and “stroking” from everyone.
In today’s world, daffodils are associated with endless Instagram selfies for «likes»
But even under the same conditions, many reject this position, rebel against it. They do not succumb to constant criticism and the pendulum. At some point, they say: “Yes, I am like that. Okay, I’ll be a doppelgänger.» It is also believed that there is a genetic predisposition to narcissism. As for the parents of such people, they look very positive: they are always present at competitions, school meetings. For those who do not know what kind of moral pressure there is at home, the picture seems to be quite prosperous.
Sigmund Freud was the first to introduce the concept of narcissism into psychology. He said that narcissistic trauma occurs when a child who has adjusted to overprotection leaves the parental nest and faces the outside world. Here around him there are people with their own interests. The main trauma occurs during this period.
Self-promotion of the modern narcissist
In the modern world, these people are associated with endless selfies for Instagram (an extremist organization banned in Russia) for the sake of “likes”. This can rightly be called «the narcissism of our day.» Bright and demonstrative statements about themselves loved ones reflect not public opinion, but their own. Against the background of their “achievements”, the merits of Nobel Prize winners, world-famous athletes and Hollywood stars fade.
The modern «narcissist» has learned to promote himself in such a way that not only he admires himself, but others have this opportunity. Unfortunately, he cannot answer those around him in the same way. He is not able to rejoice in other people’s successes and successes, because he perceives them as obvious obstacles to proving his superiority. This is where the problem arises.
Interaction with others
To achieve goals, you need to be able to unite with other people. By cooperating, we multiply the common victories. In collaboration, we find the best way to solve problems and tasks that arise even with a perfectly thought out plan.
In such a person, due to the absolute concentration on himself, empathy is very poorly developed. Lack of emotional flexibility and the ability to empathize with others leads to the inability to successfully build long-term relationships. Narcissists do not make great business partners, colleagues, or employers. But fortunately, in many creative professions, these people reach the heights: internally offended, as a result of throwing and searching, they create masterpieces. Perhaps this destroys their inner world, but it pleases art lovers.
Family
In their personal lives, they also have a hard time. The narcissist believes that there is no one better than him in the world, he is distinguished by an increased degree of narcissism and external self-confidence. It is external, because in fact he endlessly has to prove his superiority to himself and others. Sometimes it is debilitating. Here he needs a family — an adorer in the person of the second half, who indulges all whims. But will each partner be able to withstand frequent mood swings, whims with comments “no one understands me, does not appreciate me.” Hardly.
He strives for society because he is oriented towards appreciation, he wants to be admired
Narcissistic parents never realize their goals because they are always changing — there is no limit to perfection. Children are created such conditions of competition, evaluation and depreciation that they had. If there are two children in a family, then one can be chosen as the embodiment of the ideal of a parent. He will be set as an example to another, who is called a loser for even greater contrast.