When You Can’t Compromise

The ability to compromise in matters of love is the key to a long and strong relationship. Often it is equated with compliance and considered the lot of the weak, but in fact it is a mutual agreement, which is achieved by the parties through concessions. That is, in order to reach an agreement, each of the parties must sacrifice something in order to avoid conflict. It differs from concession in reciprocity: one person makes concessions, and both make compromises.

Still, sometimes it pays to be yourself and not compromise. For example, if:

1. Your principles are being questioned, values ​​and beliefs are being forced on you.

Your beliefs and principles are what you have been forming over the years and what makes you an individual, a person. Trying to become someone else and think in a way that is not natural for you, you risk sooner or later devaluing yourself in the eyes of your partner, and most importantly, in your own. Artificially creating new “correct” principles, you betray everything you believed in and how you lived before.

2. Your freedom is limited

Many partners tend to worry about a loved one, that nothing happens to her or him, but if your every movement is closely monitored, and the number of meetings and friends is controlled, this is an alarming sign. It is important to initially let your partner know that you have friends and personal space, which he must respect and not try to change anything.

3. They dictate to you what is “best” for you.

And your work is not very good, and you dress somehow wrong, and spend too much money … If a partner forces you to change what is dear to you, give up what you enjoy, do not compromise, defend your point of view. If they doubt your independence, but they don’t believe in your strengths and abilities, the further development of relations is a big question.

4. Your partner insists that you spend less time with your family.

“I took you without a“ trailer ”! She has already grown up, enough to run to her parents all the time, ”a young man once said to my client. It happens that partners are jealous of our loved ones and want to limit communication with relatives. The older we get, the more we are drawn to our relatives, we want to return to a place where we are loved and understood, and when a “rebellion” is brewing in a relationship because of this, we strive even more to be where it is good and safe. This makes the partner angry, the misunderstanding intensifies. No matter how strong your feelings for your loved one, do not let him limit your communication with loved ones.

5. There is a “one-sided game”

Unfortunately, this happens all the time. For example, you let your partner go to football with friends every weekend, although he could spend this time with you, but as soon as you ask to take you shopping or let you go with friends, things that are much more important begin to appear.

6. You feel like you shouldn’t do it.

Your intuition is an important guide. In some it is more developed, in others it is less. But you are an adult who has managed to gain the necessary experience, and you can roughly guess how the situation will develop. Therefore, if something has alerted you and causes concern, you should not agree to a compromise – it is better to remain unconvinced.

7. Your concessions will negatively affect others.

If third parties may suffer in one way or another because of your assignment, the decision must be made with their participation and taking into account their interests.

Why do we agree to an unfavorable compromise? Most often, the reason lies in our fears and complexes. Fear of offending a person, being considered bad in the eyes of others, excessive softness – dishonorable people are always ready to take advantage of this. It is necessary to clearly defend your position and, first of all, take into account your interests, so that the spiteful critics do not have a desire to encroach on them.