When work consumes us

“The situation at home was tense,” says 42-year-old Yevgenia. — I came home late from work. And when she came, she did everything mechanically. I scrolled through my head the articles of a specialist I was supposed to meet in a few days.

Before going to bed, I took his texts to bed and underlined selected passages, admiring the accuracy of the remarks and the breadth of references. He even dreamed of me at night. My husband could hardly bear it, but I could not help myself. I was in a completely abnormal state.”

Fortunately, the project manager had a successful conversation with the author of the articles, and gradually everything returned to normal in the family. Until the next important meeting.

“Excessive involvement in work is expressed in the fact that it is difficult for us to distinguish between personal and professional life,” says coach Maria Makarushkina. — Up to a certain point, if the work is interesting, it inspires.

What we do in the profession gives us a lot: joyful involvement in the process, satisfaction from what has been done, self-confidence, high self-esteem. But when we cross a certain line, exhaustion can set in.”

Even yesterday, we did not see anything unusual in staying in the office until midnight, and during a meeting with friends, giving instructions to the programming team in the messenger.

But one Sunday morning, we find ourselves taking the baby out for a walk with the nanny because we need to polish the performance by Monday. And most importantly, such victims have already become something commonplace.

The danger of workaholism is that we impose ourselves on life at the limit of possibilities. We ourselves refuse to take our legal leave and turn our house into a branch of the office. Why are we doing this and how can we return our relationship with work to a harmonious state?

Involvement boundaries

The work that we do only for the sake of money, which we go to “for show”, is not capable of giving meaning to life, argues Jungian analyst Lev Khegai. “The true purpose of any work to which we dedicate a significant part of our lives is in an environment that contributes to our development as a person,” he emphasizes.

If work brings joy, there is nothing wrong with sometimes spending extra time on it. “Such dedication, if it is aimed at a specific goal and clearly limited in time, can play a stimulating role,” agrees Maria Makarushkina.

A job well done requires us to invest our strength and mobilize our abilities. But that is why, according to Maria Makarushkina, we need to be distracted from time to time: “If we work constantly, our creativity decreases.

In order to make creative decisions, to generate new ideas, it is necessary that new connections are formed in the brain all the time. Ideas can come in a dream or while on vacation. Rest, switching is not just a whim or a reward, but a necessity.

From love to addiction

How do we know when our relationship with work is no longer healthy? One way to figure this out is to ask yourself how the resources we put into the business match the return. “When the efforts that you put in are not rewarded as you would like, a mismatch sets in,” warns psychotherapist Margarita Zhamkochyan.

The return from work can be external – for example, recognition, bonuses, promotion, a photo on the honor roll. But it can also be internal.

If we treat our work responsibly, then we try to assess ourselves sensibly – whether we are coping with the tasks; whether we meet our own standards or those standards that we think we should meet; Can we take on more tasks?

And so are workers with low self-esteem who need to work harder because they feel incompetent. It’s no coincidence that anxiety and self-criticism often go hand in hand with “Imposter Syndrome,” the uncomfortable feeling that we have to give way to someone more competent.

In part, the “imposters” are produced by the companies themselves. Sales people are pushing themselves to the limit for record-breaking numbers that are becoming the norm next month.

“I left my first job because it was hell,” admits Yegor, 25. The euphoria of being first this month wears off quickly. Tomorrow no one cares about your achievements, and even more is demanded of you.” When there is no recognition, when any effort is not enough, the feeling of incompetence knocks you down.

Conflicting claims

Piotr, 38, a financier at an international company, recalls: “At XNUMX:XNUMX am, I was awakened by the ringing of my phone—a message from my boss. I thought: “I won’t read,” but after an hour I could not stand it, I answered. Was he grateful? Not at all! “Why don’t you sleep at this time?!”

The more tasks, the stronger the feeling of threat in case of their failure. Refusing additional work, the employee is afraid that another one will get a promotion – the one who does it.

The sense of insecurity places workers in the situation of primitive people who make sacrifices, hoping to bring rain. Our victims are health and personal time.

Managers are urging workers to slow down: “You’re getting too carried away! Don’t put so much emotion into your work!” Time management seminars recommend turning off notifications after the end of the working day and not reading work email at breakfast.

According to Lev Khegai, the main cause of our worries is in ourselves. “The problem is often not the corporation with its norms, but our inability to turn work into a stimulating environment,” he emphasizes. “It’s good to take responsibility and see the world as a platform for our talents.”

To understand that we drive ourselves into a corner over and over again, we will have to look at ourselves objectively and free ourselves from negative attitudes, complexes and childhood traumas.

Life is nothing, work is everything

Dangers also lie in wait for those who have already outgrown the corporate framework and can set the rules themselves. Involvement in work often creates feelings of guilt in managers. Going into their business with their heads, at some point they realize that they simply have no other life. Or it is – but not as saturated as we would like.

“Contradictory desires speak in us,” says Margarita Zhamkochyan. “One part wants success, passion, flow, the other wants lightness, emotional warmth, love.” The problem often lies in the fact that life outside of work does not promise any challenge to a successful, passionate person.

If we are accustomed to setting ourselves ambitious goals, taking risks, straining our mind and will, we may get bored fiddling with baby food, choosing wallpaper for a living room, or equipping a garden plot. The feeling of success, power, necessity is intoxicating, and you can get hooked on it just as hard as on alcohol or gambling, Margarita Zhamkochyan believes.

Therefore, attempts to forcibly tear them away from work will not lead to anything good. Instead, Margarita Zhamkochyan invites such people to see family life, parenthood or hobbies as a new opportunity for self-realization. In raising a child lies an abyss of creative solutions, thanks to which the project “family” can become an attractive investment of strength.

“The word “project” here is not accidental,” emphasizes Margarita Zhamkochyan. At work, you work on projects. There are stages, there are strategies that help to achieve results. It is interesting to live in this activity.

If you want other activities to give you such a feeling, I suggest that you bring the feeling of the project to other areas of your life. And design your life.