When there is cancer in the family

The serious illness of a loved one is a serious shock and test for the whole family. Life after the diagnosis changes dramatically, as does the model of behavior in the family. The diagnosis of cancer causes panic and confusion. Few of us are ready for this. If someone in your family is sick, you may feel confused or want to withdraw, someone presses the patient and is not able to hear him. All these actions only harm the loved one. According to research^[1], patients feel better and more emotionally stable during a crisis if they feel reliable support from family and friends.

Stages of acceptance of the diagnosis

The first thing a person experiences when they hear about their diagnosis is shock. His relatives also feel confused, the worries associated with finding a doctor, treatment and solving related problems often fall on their shoulders. Because of this, the provision of emotional support to a sick person fades into the background. But at this moment it is important to be near, to share his excitement, to let the person get used to the news and realize what is happening.

When the first shock passes, the patient begins to experience anger. He is angry that all his plans are falling apart. Living in a new reality is hard. During this period, he can behave differently – be absent-minded, withdraw into himself, or, conversely, become too emotional. Be patient, do not react to mood swings or attacks in your direction. Do not bombard him with advice, listen, let him talk, and stay close.

Next comes the stage of bargaining and the search for a magic pill. The patient tries to take matters into his own hands. He can start to lead a healthy lifestyle, become a volunteer or hit a religion. At such moments, people are most vulnerable and succumb to other people’s influence. They want to believe in the miraculous healing of the disease in various ways. At this time, it is important not to impose your point of view, but to control the flow of information that gets to the patient. Be guided by information only from trusted sources, do not fall for the tricks of scammers: healers and homeopaths. Don’t refuse treatment. It is important not to force the consumption of information by patients, as this can cause protest, but to gently offer useful materials on the topic, with the wording “if you are interested.”

The next stage is depression. Your loved one is sick, and his negative emotions are understandable. Live them together. Each family has its own rules of communication, so much depends on the situation. But any conversation needs to start with yourself, you need to talk about your feelings: “I feel that it’s hard for you. I can help you?”. It is important to maintain the communication that was before the diagnosis. A person should feel full, should know: “I have support. I’m not alone. They are not afraid to get infected and do not leave me.”

Sooner or later depression ends. After it comes the final stage – acceptance. During this period, a person looks more optimistically at the current situation, enjoys life again and makes plans for the future.

How to deal with the illness of a loved one?

Almost every person whose relative has cancer is very emotional. Often he experiences even more than the patient himself. At this point, try to remember to take care of yourself. Any illness of loved ones reminds us that we, too, are mortal. If you are caring for the sick, but you feel nervous exhaustion, then you will not be able to provide any quality assistance to your dear person. It is important to allow yourself to rest, change your environment, share your feelings with others and take time for leisure activities, such as going to the gym, cinema or theater.

Equally important is psychological support. Feeling sorry or guilty about being healthy is a completely normal reaction. There is nothing shameful in the help of a specialist. Talking to him is therapeutic in itself. You can speak up, share your pain, and free yourself from negative emotions. You can tell the psychologist about what is forbidden at home. For example, you can share your anger at a loved one for being sick. The specialist will accept and listen to you, give practical recommendations to reduce anxiety and fear. Sometimes just venting your emotions is the best way out.

The course of cancer is long. Now there is a growing number of clinics where an oncologist and a psychologist work side by side. Psychological support is an integral part of complex therapy. This is an important point, since a competent specialist helps the patient to maintain good spirits and motivation, control therapy, and helps to survive the side effects of treatment. And the good mood of the patient has a positive effect on his loved ones.

What to do during treatment?

There are practically no situations when the patient cannot be helped at all. It is important for both the patient and his family to realize this. Of course, it is most often possible to achieve remission only in the early stages of the disease, but patients with a widespread metastatic process can live for years. Treatment of such patients is called palliative care. Its goal is to improve the patient’s condition by relieving pain, alleviating other symptoms and problems of a physical, psychological, spiritual and social nature. Even if the chances of coping with the disease are small, you should not give up. The fight against cancer is a long way to go, but if a doctor recommends some kind of treatment, then the patient will live longer with it than without it.

There are cases when a person refuses to be treated. It is important to understand what is behind this. Perhaps, by refusing treatment, a person wants to check how important he is for his relatives, or he is guided by fears and prejudices. In such a situation, it is necessary to pronounce and convey the correct information to the patient. The doctor should talk about all the pros and cons of treatment. What the patient will have to face if he refuses help, and what awaits him if he continues treatment. The task of the psychologist and relatives remains to concentrate on what is interesting to the patient. The most correct solution would be to help formulate a clear goal for a person and set deadlines for its implementation. Some of the patients focus on their children or grandchildren, someone plunges headlong into work, someone makes a list of those things that they have dreamed of all their lives. The main thing is not to get hung up on the question “How much do I have left?”.

Modern methods of treatment and pain relief allow patients to continue to live a normal life as long as possible. The main task of the oncologist remains to show the patient that he is not alone on his path, and that they are ready to provide the necessary assistance, but how to live his life – the person decides for himself.

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