When there is a sharp pain in the soul, or — Men do not cry?

You can often hear women lament that today’s boys lack a masculine upbringing, and as a result of a lack of masculine upbringing, men do not behave like men. This is a huge truth, but are we ourselves ready for such upbringing, including are women themselves ready to accept the difficult norms of male upbringing, upbringing like a man?

The belief «Men don’t cry» is an essential part of a man’s upbringing. I think this is a good belief, but you need to apply it with reason and mind.

Crying in and of itself is neither embarrassing nor harmful. It is good to cry with joy, you can cry at a funeral, where it is appropriate and accepted. But in other situations where children and women may cry, men do not. Men do not cry, because for them it is usually meaningless, and in order to remain men, that is, strong and reasonable people.

Not everyone knows this, but for a man, crying is meaningless. For women, everything is different: if a woman has grief and she cried, she usually feels better, crying helps a woman cope with mental pain. But with men it’s not like that, their grief and their pain is not alleviated by crying, no. Women believe in it with difficulty, but it is true — men do not feel better from tears.

If a man is against his tears, they cause him to protest and additional internal tension. If a man has nothing against male crying, he is indifferent to his own tears, as well as to any release of fluid from the body.

In male culture, crying is not accepted in the same way as among well-mannered people — mat. Crying is just a habit. Of course, if it is a habit developed from early childhood, crying seems natural and inevitable, but in cultures where the habit of crying is not cultivated, the habit of crying is not. Men do not cry not because it is shameful or bad, but because they have other tasks in life and they must be strong enough to keep their mind and calmness in any situation.

The situation is slightly different in psychotherapeutic groups, where crying is accepted. Men don’t go there often, and the atmosphere there, at least for business people, is, to put it mildly, strange for them, but if in that situation a man “fell over” and he wants to sob, this is completely normal. In different situations, there are different norms of behavior, and in the doctor’s office you need to behave as the doctor says. Holding back crying in front of a psychotherapist is inappropriate.

A similar situation, where in ordinary life crying is allowed and beneficial for a man, is unbearable mental pain, which can only be alleviated by vigorous physical activity or sobbing. Sobbing, from the point of view of a doctor, is an energetic respiratory pumping, in which endorphins are intensively released: hormones of joy and a cure for pain. This is a useful procedure that saves a man’s health in an emergency.

If the steam boiler is too hot, it is imperative to release steam through the valve, otherwise the boiler, especially the fragile one, will explode. Crying is the very safety valve from emotions that are ready to explode the soul.

Anything can happen in life, and being ready always and for everything is difficult. Life can sometimes hit so hard that the strongest man will fall and cry sobbing. Crying inside and being calm outside, if it is not justified by the demands of life, is not healthy. Trying to remain calm is a worthy intention, but in a situation of acute pain, it is rather erroneous: this is not the kind of situation where goals must be achieved at any cost. If there is a sharp pain in the soul, you can cry, it is natural and normal. After that, it is important to quickly pull yourself together, get together and return to the life of a man — that is, a lot and often difficult work, work without unnecessary emotions and crying.

And then — make sure that emergency internal situations do not arise.

If we return to the analogy with the boiler, then a real man is a high-quality, durable and well-functioning boiler, which has enough power (internal strength) to solve any problems in normal mode, without any overheating and without emergency situations.

When a man cries, it is his, albeit small, defeat as a man. Men do not cry. If you are a man and you cry, you allowed yourself weakness, you did not keep track of yourself and brought the internal situation with emotions to an emergency. It’s not scary, but for a man it’s wrong. Next time, be stronger and more prepared.

Or be more calm about your tears, if it’s just age. Yes, this is curious: somewhere after fifty years, male hormones are gradually washed out in the body of a man, men begin to acquire more feminine features and outlines, and more and more often — absolutely unexpectedly! — breaks a man into tears. Male tears or the absence of tears is not only the result of one or another upbringing, it is also just a hormonal factor. And in this sense — age.

«Men don’t cry» as a pedagogical suggestion to children

Women love to take care of the little and unfortunate, they love to feel sorry, but the result of such female upbringing is a girl, not a boy. Rarely do boys cry, whom their parents taught in a difficult situation — to act. More often cry those children who do not know what to do. Children cry not just from pain, children cry for adults to be sorry. «Cry, cry, it will be easier!» — Grandmothers tell their granddaughters: girls are being taught the norms of female behavior. “Men don’t cry,” fathers say to their sons so that they don’t turn into a crybaby. See →

Video from Yana Shchastya: interview with professor of psychology N.I. Kozlov

Topics of conversation: What kind of woman do you need to be in order to successfully marry? How many times do men get married? Why are there so few normal men? Childfree. Parenting. What is love? A story that couldn’t be better. Paying for the opportunity to be close to a beautiful woman.