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Have you ever to feel that you are like a dropow? Days replace each other, and you are not approaching your goal. Or worse, you continue to wallow in your doubts and fears about what others will say. It is highly likely that the origins of such a state will be found in the past.
We call it injuries, and it is no coincidence. Certain events do leave us with emotional scars and false beliefs that govern our lives for years without us even noticing.
Karen Nimmo’s clinical psychologist is confident that one of the main tasks of any therapist is one of this: to detect the client to detect its own limiting beliefs and say goodbye to them, again in the helm of his own life.
The psychologist recalls the history of one of his client: in her 30 man was confident that it was not capable of long-term relationships. He regularly had affairs with women, but it did not result in anything serious. This happened because everything in his parental family did not develop in the most prosperous way: his father regularly cheated on his mother, and in the end it ended in a rather painful divorce.
Self-doubt and fear of losing a partner made me desperately jealous
As a result, during the work it turned out that the man just did not know how to build relationships and how a healthy union should look like. At the same time, however, he absolutely did not resemble his father in any way – neither in habits, nor in temperament, nor in his outlook on the world.
He was not hopeless at all, just overwhelmed his anxiety. Self-doubt and fear of losing a partner made him desperately jealous of her, which led to conflicts and, in the end, to parting.
In the course of working together, Nimmo’s client realized what was happening to him, and parted with a harmful belief that he was not made for a serious relationship. Moreover, he learned to treat himself with great compassion, began to recognize his feelings and, accordingly, behave differently with girls.
So what exactly do you do if you feel like you’re stuck in one place – in relationships, career or life in general?
3 receptions that will help free from the power of the past
1. Recognize what is happening
Cognitive-behavioral therapy helps a lot in this: the specialist teaches the client to notice, identify and change false thoughts, beliefs and behavior. As part of this approach, a person learns to take concrete steps aimed at solving a problem.
In a simplified form, the algorithm of actions looks like this:
- Ask yourself what “label” you hung over and how he interferes. Examples of shortcuts: “I am too shy to speak in public,” “I can’t do it, because I am afraid of condemnation,” “I work on the unloved job so that parents can be proud of me,” “I am unattracting – hardly anyone He wants to meet with me “,” I am completely deprived of imagination, so you should not even take for creative projects “,” I am too inexperienced for this work, I will not even try to get it. “
- Challenge your limiting belief. And whether what do you believe in reality? Do you have proof? Are some qualities really “sewn” into you or can they be changed? The situation will definitely not change until the end of your days? And what is the smallest step you can take today to get things off the ground? An important point: be sure to first figure out what exactly you want, otherwise you will go in circles.
- Do whatever helps you “rewrite” your label. Take small steps towards what you want to do, what you want to achieve. Do not rush, do not set too ambitious goals, otherwise nothing will come of it.
2. Make peace with your past
Few can boast that his past was “perfect” and serenely happy. However, you must firmly say to yourself: I am not obliged to repeat the fate of my relatives and be like them.
It is not necessary to start your life under Sunny only because of the fact that you were injured in school or in general, people were cruel to you. It is not necessary to forgive others – just make the decision to continue to live by your own rules and go towards your own goal. Once you start moving in this direction, letting go of the past becomes easier.
3. Decide who you want to be
We are not talking about a specific position or position – just understand what you need for happiness: creativity, art, your business, friendship, relationship, beauty, colors, music, money, calm, freedom …
Having decided, draw an image of the person you want to be. And then start moving towards it. Trust me, you can take the first step today!