When setting a goal, formulate it in a positive way!

Those who are just starting to work on themselves often set goals for themselves, formulating them negatively: “I don’t have to say no”, “I don’t want to be in the flow of time”, “I don’t want to get sick, therefore …”, etc., according to principle: «What I don’t want.» “I want to get rid of laziness!”, “I want to quit smoking!” are examples of negative goal setting. Negative goal setting is the formulation of what a person does not want, what a person wants to get rid of. How to treat it?

For beginners — this is good, but for smart and advanced — bad.

Why? First: why is it good?

In comparison with the experiential-inactive state, the formulation of at least a negative goal is already a serious step forward. This is at least some, but — the intention.

The girl is lazy and smokes — it’s bad. The girl realized this as her problem and began to think and worry about this topic — in principle, this is a step forward. But only when she formulated her intention: “I want to quit smoking and stop being lazy!” — things can really get off the ground. See →

And now — why is it BAD? If you say you don’t want it, you haven’t determined what you want yet. And you can only act effectively when you clearly understand what you want.

If you feel bad in the city, you can go to the railway ticket office and ask: “Please, one ticket from Moscow!” Okay, but they will ask you: “From Moscow, but where? What city? You will be given a ticket, but where? Is it where you wanted to go?

Set positive goals! A positive statement of purpose is a statement in terms of affirmation, not negation. The goal statement should say what you want, not what you don’t like.

“I want to quit smoking” is a negative goal statement. Why do you want to quit smoking? What do you want positively? One of the successful positive formulations: “I want to improve my health and rebuild myself into a healthy lifestyle.” While you are telling yourself “I want to quit smoking”, the words “I want to … smoke” are in your mind and you see a (hated) cigarette. If you set a positive goal, you have “health” and “life” ahead of you.

When you said “I want to get rid of laziness”, you have not yet said the most important thing: what do you want? Do you want to become energetic, cheerful, who finds it difficult to sit still, who finds it easier to do at least something than to do nothing? Or do you want to become goal-oriented, focused on the result, who knows how to take steps forward, despite sometime fatigue and an inner “I don’t want to”? What would you like?

There is a good hint here. Ask yourself: «Why do I want this?» For what, for what purpose do I want, for example, to “get rid of laziness”? So that I don’t have any complaints? To get fired from work? To not hurt yourself? So that my life becomes ebullient, as before? To do more in life?

“I want to get rid of the feeling of envy” — here it is clear only what does not suit you, and not what you really need, and with such a formulation you will hardly reach the intuitively implied goal. But the goal of «Learning to enjoy other people’s successes» is much more meaningful.

“I want to lose weight not because I hate it when I’m fat, but because I love it when I’m slim!”

It is always more productive to formulate your tasks in the affirmative, through “I want”, seeing a positive result. Instead of «I want not to slouch and not have a gloomy expression» it is better to formulate «I want to have a regal posture and a radiant smile.»

So your security question is, «Are my goals stated positively, through affirmation, not negation?» Remember the principle of positive in efficiency: “Do not fight against, create worthy”, and get used to shaping your goals in a positive way.

Now, two hints.

The first. When you learn to formulate your goals positively, many people make the traditional mistake.

For example, here’s a negative goal, “How to stop worrying?” — It seems to be easy: “I want to be an emotionally balanced person!”. The wording is really positive, or rather it sounds positive. What about real content? Ask those around you what it means to them to “be emotionally balanced”? Hear: «This is the one who does not worry in vain.» That is, in fact, the negative direction of the request remained.

Similarly, if you replace the wording “I am very jealous” with “I want to learn to trust my wife,” then think about what it is: “trust”? Trust — that is, «do not doubt», «do not be afraid» — entirely negative meanings. Again, ask how do people decipher «I want to learn to trust my wife»? — Like «I’m not jealous in vain» …

Bottom line: be careful three times and each time check whether you really set a positive goal or just replace one word with another.

Second hint. It seems that the most understandable and clear tasks are set where you start talking not about feelings, but about actions.

Let’s say «I want to get rid of self-doubt» you reformulated as «I want to become a confident person.» And what is it about: a sense of confidence or confident behavior? There is an observation that almost all conversations “about feelings” are just talk about the negative: about fears, about problems … Therefore, I recommend trying to formulate more of your goals and objectives in the language of behavior. Move away from the formulations associated with feelings, use formulations associated with a reasonable approach more often. Immediately everything will go easier and more accurately!

And, by the way, one more thought, suddenly you will like it … And what will happen if you replace the wording “I want” with “I set a task”? Try it… It seems that “I set a task”, as a business format, immediately organizes thinking into a stronger and more authorial position. Experiment. If you find something interesting, write in the comments!

Negative customer requests

Out of 10 letters asking for a consultation, 9 contain a request in a negative form: “how to get rid of, how to stop, how to stop, how to ignore …” Negative goal setting is a typical disease of our clients. And our task is to teach clients, instead of talking about what they don’t like, what they want to get away from, to formulate what they want, what they want to come to. See →