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The school psychologist is expected to be able to provide students with the help they need, from improving academic performance to building relationships with classmates, teachers, and parents. In practice, sometimes it turns out quite differently: the specialist not only does not support the child, but also inflicts psychological trauma on him. Our reader shared her experience of working with a school psychologist, and a practicing educational psychologist commented on her story.
«Each consultation was severe emotional torture»
Maria Osterman, 18 years old
I studied at the lyceum, where two psychologists worked, who actively participated in the life of the educational institution and deserved universal trust. They often conducted conversations with students on various topics and tests on relationships with classmates. Each student came to them for consultations at least once a year to talk about choosing a future profession. The lyceum took the issue of career guidance seriously, because graduates influence its reputation.
In 11th grade, I lived with my father. I don’t have a mother, but I still have a warm relationship with my stepmother, whom I call mother. They divorced my father a year before these events, so I was left alone with him. From sudden loneliness, my father began to perceive me as a girlfriend. I constantly had to listen to his stories with intimate details about numerous mistresses, although I repeatedly said that I did not want to know anything about it.
One day my father brought home a mistress when I was at home. I perfectly understood what they were going to do, so I said that I wanted to take a short walk — because that would make everyone more comfortable. However, he forbade me to go out on the pretext that it was dark and cold outside. We began to argue, but at some point my father began to blackmail me with paying for classes with a drawing tutor, which I treasured very much. In the end, I stayed at home and listened to how my father had sex with his mistress.
When they finished, I told his mistress everything I thought about her, and my father took her side and yelled at me. I had a strong tantrum: I called my stepmother and sobbed into the phone. She advised me to go to the lyceum to psychologists and ask them for help.
The next day I did just that. When I told the psychologists about what had happened, they just started laughing. They thought it was funny that my father had a «mid-life crisis», that he took four mistresses and tells me about them. All they advised was to silently accept the antics of my father, because I am his only close person, and he is just having a difficult period.
At the same time, for the first time, I learned the universal phrase-filter of bad specialists: “Does not thump, which means that it is not so bad”
Psychologists did not even condemn his behavior and did not call him for a conversation, which I actually expected.
From that moment on, I began to seek help from the guardianship authorities, but they could not do anything: in order for the abuser to be held accountable, he must either beat or kill the victim. At the end of the school year, my father beat me. He found out that I was applying to the guardianship authorities and my stepmother was helping me.
I wrote a statement to the law enforcement agencies against him and filmed the beatings. Then the psychologist invited me to talk alone. She dissuaded me from going to court, arguing that my father was threatened with a ban on traveling abroad and dismissal from work. As a result, the court imposed a fine on him, and the authorities put the family under control.
Now the lyceum psychologists were obliged to work with me and with him. We were invited to mandatory joint consultations, which were severe emotional torture for me. One of the psychologists diligently tried to “reconcile” us and make me feel guilty. She was seduced by his sugary smile and ability to flirt with women, so she completely went over to his side.
The psychologist constantly agreed with him and never once tried to talk about his actions.
My father interrupted her and me in order to talk more on abstract topics. For example, once he discussed with her my wrinkled sweatshirt and my terrible appearance. They both also liked to scold my stepmother in front of me: supposedly she is a bad person who uses me to quarrel with her father.
Another example: I wanted my stepmother to come to my graduation, but my father said that he would come out of spite so that she would not come. When I told the psychologist about this, she replied that I did not have the right to choose who came to my graduation.
Before the entrance exams, the same specialist called me and said that my stepmother and my own grandmother, who supported me all this year, were simply using me and would leave me when I left. She didn’t know them, but the phrase sounded suspiciously familiar. Before I left for school, they came to visit us and talked about how a decent girl should behave in society. Now I have already moved to another city and am successfully studying in the first year of university.
“In an acute conflict situation at home, it is important to make the school the most comfortable place for the child”
Anna Bashovich, educational psychologist
You don’t have to be a psychologist to understand that professional ethics are violated in this story. This can be inferred, if only from the information that psychologists came to clients’ homes, which clearly goes beyond the therapist-client relationship.
In an ideal world, a school psychologist is a multidisciplinary specialist: a child, family and individual therapist, as well as a coach for teachers. He should be engaged in career guidance, and establishing communications, and improving academic performance, and preventing bad habits. In practice, one psychologist is assigned to the whole school, so there is no opportunity to conduct full-fledged therapy with everyone who needs it. That is why the school psychologist must quickly determine what kind of help the student needs and which specialist to refer him to — a family therapist, a psychologist, a psychiatrist, a speech therapist …
In this case, after the first introductory meeting-consultation, I would recommend that the heroine contact a family therapist. For example, use the help of specialists from city and district psychological centers or those who work with schools for free. I would also suggest starting individual therapy.
Family Systemic Therapy (FTS) is the most effective method of helping in this situation. Family consultation implies the obligatory presence of all family members (in this case, not only the father and daughter, but also the grandmother, stepmother and, possibly, other important people), a circular interview that helps to hear everyone, a positive connotation, and much more. SST makes it possible to hear kind and supportive words directly from a loved one. Even if sometimes they are mean, it is hundreds of times more valuable than from any psychologist.
SST — a way to hear and understand each other with the help of a «translator», in a safe place
Such therapy does not consider the personality of each of the participants, but the connections that have developed between them at a given moment in time, and seeks the answer to the question not “why did this happen?”, But “how to change it right now?” The main principle of family therapy is not the search for a victim and an aggressor, but neutrality and a desire to help all family members.
CCT is a crisis therapy with quick results. So, improvements are noticeable after the first meeting, and on average, about 10 consultations are enough to overcome the acute period.
In a conflict situation at home, it is also important to make the school as comfortable as possible for the student. For example, you can organize training with teachers: discuss the student without violating the anonymity of the meeting, and give them recommendations. Ask him not to call him to the board for a while, offer him community work, or come up with activities that allow him to stay at school for a long time after school. This will make it possible to reduce the student’s anxiety level, which is useful when he has problems at home.