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Sometimes fears hide not fears at all, but bad childhood habits.
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Not everything that people call fear is fear. Rejection of something, an internal protest against certain events, people often call fear: «I’m afraid of losing my job», «I have a fear of being alone.» This is just talking about fear, a bad habit of talking about your fears, learned from childhood, when mom or grandmother began to take care of us as soon as we began to be afraid of something.
Don’t have fun with psychotherapy
There are a large number of people who are just interested in delving into themselves, and working with their fears is one of their favorite pastimes.
“I’m worried about the fear of heights…” — If you ask how often a young person has this problem, it turns out that every few years it’s a few minutes of fear. Against the background of the fact that he has a mess in his room and debts at the institute, it seems that for him, working with this fear is not the most urgent problem, but rather entertainment that leads away from real life tasks↑.
«I’m afraid of dogs… At the same time, dogs feel that I’m afraid of them, and they bark at me!» How many times have you been bitten by dogs in your life? — “Once…” — “So, the probability of an event is once in 30 years. At the same time, most likely, she bit you not because you were afraid of her, but because there was such a dog. Yes?» — «Yes». — Bottom line: no problem. The problem is contrived.
“I have a fear of speaking in front of people. If I speak to people more often, the fear decreases, and if I haven’t performed for a long time, I start to be afraid again, fear comes.” “What is fear? “I forget the text, my legs are tangled.” “What’s the worst thing that can happen to the people you’re speaking to if your performance gets in the way of your fear? Will people suffer serious losses from the failure of your performance? (No) Will you fall and injure someone badly with your head during the fall? (Not). This means that your fear does not seriously interfere with anyone, you have nothing to worry about. There is no real problem, although if you want to be able to perform better, you need to learn this and in any case look for opportunities to perform more often.
These people create problems for themselves from scratch (for example, the problem “I have fears, they interfere with me, I need to fight them”, then they worry about these problems and sometimes turn to psychologists and psychotherapists to talk about it. In such cases, there is no such intention.
Leave fears that a person can handle on their own
Do not do their work for men: leave them fears that they can handle on their own. Fear as a physiological reaction of the body can someday happen in every person, but a boy brought up as a man must be able to overcome his fears. If a boy wants to become stronger, you don’t need to make his dumbbells lighter: the future man needs loads. If a girl (or, even more so, a young man) wants to learn how to become stronger than their fears, then what they need is not psychotherapy that makes life easier, but cooperation in developing their mental fortitude. See →
No need to remove useful fears
It is important to keep in mind that not every fear and not always needs to be removed: if a feeling of fear stops you in front of a real danger, then perhaps you should not remove fear, but stop risking your life for nothing and do something more productive.