When life gets out of control, focus on yourself

For most, control over life is important. We like everything to be familiar and predictable. It is important for us to be able to plan for the future. We like it when everything goes the way we wanted. We want to believe that we are able to protect ourselves and loved ones from the bad that can happen.

Feeling in control gives you a sense of security, but such control is just an illusion. In most cases, it is impossible to control other people and the course of events. In addition, trying to control everything, we take on a colossal responsibility. We are essentially claiming that we know exactly what is true and right and what is not.

Sooner or later, we find that the area of ​​control is not far away: it includes mainly our thoughts and actions. Everyone has periods when everything goes wrong and there is nothing you can do about it.

Dealing with feelings of powerlessness is difficult. I recently experienced it myself. Life seemed to spin around me like a whirlwind, and I didn’t know what to do with my many problems. I noticed that I constantly think about how much better it would be if the people around me changed and did everything the way I think is right.

It seemed as if a hurricane had burst into my life and taken away calmness, stability and predictability from it. And then I remembered: if life has turned into a hurricane, you need to become the «eye of the storm.»

The eye of the storm is the calm area at the center of a hurricane. Despite the wind and waves raging around, silence and tranquility remain in it. So you can stand firmly on your feet and remain calm, despite the violence of the hurricane of life around.

When life gets out of control, the only way to get through it is to focus on what you can control. By shifting your attention back to yourself, you will regain a sense of security and calmness.

But how to do that? To calm yourself, get together and start acting, you need to:

…take a break from communication; sometimes being alone and reflecting on life, freeing up the schedule, giving up unnecessary obligations,

…focus on the present

…meditate

…to be in nature more often, without being distracted by anything (walking alone, without headphones, turning off the phone),

…take care of plants

…do yoga,

…get support from a psychologist or psychotherapist,

…talk heart to heart with a friend,

…keep a diary or make a list of goals to organize the surrounding chaos, prioritize and look at the situation differently,

…listen to music,

…do sport,

…communicate less with negative people,

…do the cleaning (this allows you to control the physical space around you),

…swim in the pool or lie in the bath (water helps to recover, cleanses and gives a feeling of lightness),

…color pictures,

…get enough sleep.

HOW TO KNOW IT IS TIME TO TAKE MORE ABOUT YOURSELF?

To survive the “storm” with minimal losses, it is important to understand in advance that life is starting to get out of control.

It’s easy to overlook the signs of increased stress levels. It is only by listening to ourselves that we can understand how well we are actually coping with the current difficulties. Pay attention not only to your feelings, but also to the state of the body, it can tell about emotional well-being.

Worth considering if you:

• constantly worrying, often crying,
• do your best to control people and events,
• suffer from insomnia
• feel like you’re on the edge
• go into yourself
• suffer from headaches, feel muscle tension,
• fixate on one thing
• start to avoid people and certain situations,
• feel a loss of energy or motivation, have difficulty concentrating,
• eat too much or too little, suffer from problems with the gastrointestinal tract,
• get angry often, become more irritable.

It’s like we all have to look like we’re always okay. Letting go of that habitual fake smile and admitting that you have problems is not easy. Periods of chaos in life are normal. Everyone has to go through them.

If you feel that you are not coping and losing control of your life, focus on yourself. Self-care and compassion should be the first priority. Do what helps you calm down.

About the author: Sharon Martin is a psychotherapist.