When is the right time to see a sexologist?

1. You or your partner are worried about what is going on in your sex life.

The sign of a mental or psychological problem is not the behavior itself, but how you feel about it. This means that the lack of sexual desire is normal, as long as it doesn’t bother you. If a weak libido is bothering you or your partner and is interfering with your relationship, you may be talking about a problem.

Organize your sex life in the way that is normal for you. Do not compare yourself with other couples, everything can be different for you: different needs, different temperament, libido.

2. You can’t communicate effectively with your partner, and when you try to discuss something, you don’t get closer, but move away as a result

Sexual issues are a sensitive topic, and when we talk about them, we feel vulnerable and insecure. It seems that it is easier to talk about it together, but sometimes it is more difficult to be frank in private with each other – we begin to be afraid to say what we really think, fearing that we will hurt our partner or hurt him. Sometimes in the course of a private conversation, emotions quickly begin to heat up, and the conversation gets out of hand.

In such situations, a professional will be able to create a sense of a safe space in which an open and productive dialogue is possible. The specialist will control the pace of the conversation and help to interpret it correctly.

Perhaps you yourself do not know what you want to express, because you did not allow yourself to sort out sexual desires.

3. You do your best to solve the problem, tried several possible solutions, but nothing works.

If you don’t plan intimacy ahead of time but wait for things to happen spontaneously like before, you may need to adjust your expectations to bring them closer to reality related to long-term relationship dynamics, age, and psychological and emotional changes.

Numerous fruitless attempts to solve the problem cause stress and in the end can only aggravate it. For example, if a man suffers from erection problems or ejaculation, he loses sexual desire, which will make his partner feel unattractive and unloved. As a result, a vicious circle is formed, and the sexual life comes to naught.

There are many factors that affect sexual desire, health, and opportunities. Some of them are related to physiology, others to unresolved problems coming from childhood, or negative attitudes towards sex, instilled upbringing or society.

The dynamics of the relationship between partners is also important (for example, if one of them tries to assert his power over the other, blackmailing him with refusal to have sex). You may not be ready to let go of unrealistic expectations, and the accompanying anxiety makes things worse.

If it is not possible to solve the problem on your own, it is important to undergo a full examination – first with a specialist in physiological sexual problems (gynecologist or urologist, if necessary, they can also give a referral, for example, to specialized physiotherapy), and then with a psychotherapist-sexologist. Ideally, these specialists will work, solving problems in a complex way.

Our sexuality is complex, but problems in this area are treatable. Maybe you need to pay attention not so much to the purely physical as to the sensual and erotic aspects of intimacy. Many couples have managed to make their intimate life more complete and harmonious, and you can achieve this too.