When is it time to see a psychologist?

“A thinking person is simply obliged to do this from time to time,” said “the same Munchausen.” What exactly is “it”? Pull yourself out of the swamp by your hair. And – not only himself, but also a horse to boot. This phrase from your favorite Soviet movie is a great metaphor for psychotherapy. A thinking person – a conscious person, as they say today – at some point asks the question: isn’t it time for me to turn to a psychologist? What markers show that the help of a specialist is desirable and it’s time to pull yourself out of the swamp?

Friends or psychotherapy?

“When the question arises – “why is this happening to me, what is wrong with me?” – many people understand that they can no longer answer on their own, – Yulia Gradova, a practicing psychologist in the modality of transactional analysis, argues. – You can once again go to your girlfriends and talk about all the problems. Most likely, the acute question will simply be postponed and after some time it will surface again. But if in a difficult situation the client turns to a psychologist, then with a high probability the issue will be resolved and will not arise again.

Friends play a significant role in our lives. But it is not always positive: due to their own upbringing, habits, experience, which they consider to be the only correct one. “It’s OK. Time heals. Be patient,” they say. “That is, the environment encourages a protracted difficult situation,” explains research psychologist Vladimir Shlyapnikov. – Moreover, sincerely believing that they help, they give wrong advice, which not only does not help, but even harms.

For example, a couple breaks up. Usually a healthy psyche overcomes grieving about this in six months or a year, and former partners should not be broken. But if one of the two is stuck in grief for years, this already requires work with a specialist. We need participation, but it does not replace the help of a professional, because relatives may not be able to distinguish the “black streak” in the life of a loved one from the manifestations of prolonged depression, and even more so a mental disorder.

An analogy can be drawn with medicine. “When do we go to the doctor? When we understand that the symptoms do not go away on their own, the temperature does not subside, and the folk remedies that usually helped have ceased to work, continues Vladimir Shlyapnikov. – But everything is clear with the doctor: there is a clinic where the path has been beaten. But where to turn when it comes to a psychologist?

In our country, the tradition of turning to psychotherapists for help is still very young. Psychotherapy in Europe and America has more than a century of history, is represented by various schools and psychological centers, and is paid for by medical insurance.

“10 consultations in Germany are included in the insurance package. That is, consultation is a common practice there,” says Yulia Gradova. — In our country, for a long time, psychological assistance was provided within the framework of psychiatry. And punitive psychiatry, when a psychiatric diagnosis could be made for political purposes for dissent, has not yet been erased from memory.

In addition, in our mentality it is considered right to endure, Vladimir Shlyapnikov is convinced: “There is an attitude in culture that suffering is not scary. Even honorable, “God endured and ordered us.” This is so deeply rooted that it becomes a barrier on the client’s path to a psychologist. And we endure until it “locks” at all. But it can be recognized that such installations are long outdated. And it’s time to take care of your mental health, “without waiting for peritonitis.”

“Fix them!”

From a psychologist’s point of view, unhappiness is a good reason to seek help.

“They often come to my office when the quality of life decreases,” says Yulia Gradova. “After all, psychotherapy is designed to help the person who has applied learn to be happy. I’m not talking about walking constantly with a joyful smile. I’m talking about finding a state of calm happiness, being balanced. If you are constantly dissatisfied, irritated, crying for any reason, or find yourself in a protracted conflict with someone and do not know how to resolve it, this is a reason to turn to a psychologist. But much more often I hear from clients: “Do something with the boss, children, spouse, mother.” Such a desire to “fix” another is a sure marker that you need the help of a psychologist in the first place.”

Sometimes we notice that we regularly get up on the same rake. “A classic example is the second divorce. It is worth considering why the second woman or man is not suitable for you. Or something happens to the children – they forget about their studies, become uncontrollable, – Yulia Gradova suggests. “Often this is not a childish problem at all. Often, things don’t even come to work with a child, we start working with parents, and suddenly, miraculously, the child “corrects” himself.

It is more difficult to recognize SOS signals in the work area. Is the boss screaming? This is how it is accepted, this is how management is arranged in a large company, but how else to keep discipline? Or so corporate etiquette dictates.

“Business owners or managers contact me and complain about employees: “They don’t want to take responsibility for themselves, they don’t work in a team, they don’t follow the plan. Conduct some kind of training so that they can improve, ”says Yulia Gradova. – And this “teach them” is a signal to the leader to think about their own psychotherapy, because the responsibility for the discord is divided 50/50 between the team and the leader. But if 10 years ago I only heard “fix them”, today most businessmen understand that you need to take care of yourself.”

And this is true not only for businessmen.

“In Moscow and St. Petersburg, you won’t surprise anyone by visiting a psychologist,” Vladimir Shlyapnikov assures. – It’s just not customary to advertise it yet, because a psychologist is not a hairdresser or a dentist, whose contacts can be easily shared. In other cities, private practice is also gradually developing, but not as fast as in the capitals. But I think it’s a matter of time. The recent situation with self-isolation and the transition of psychotherapy to online has expanded the boundaries, even ardent apologists for face-to-face consultations have recognized that virtual work is no less effective.”

Specialists have become available to anyone with an Internet connection.

Find the best

Suppose we decide to pull ourselves out of the swamp, but, unlike Münghausen, we understand that our hands are not enough, and we are looking for someone who will help with this. How to choose from a variety of qualified and suitable specialists?

A beautiful site and the number of likes under posts, even numerous customer reviews do not guarantee quality: hired copywriters can write texts, and paid SMM agencies can put likes. Therefore, it is good if among acquaintances there is someone who will share his own experience and contacts. But such a friend may not be. Then we have to do our own research. The first condition is that a candidate for the role of a personal psychotherapist must have a basic psychological education.

“Our Russian fundamental psychological education is very strong,” says Yulia Gradova. – It is also important whether the psychologist undergoes supervision – when complex cases and his work are evaluated by experienced colleagues.

In addition to the basic diploma, a psychologist must have a specialization: psychoanalysis, transactional, Jungian, Adler analysis, existential, cognitive psychotherapy, logotherapy. After all, psychology exists both as a science and as a practice. Therefore, a university graduate with theoretical knowledge but no applied skills can hardly be considered qualified.

“When you see a diploma of higher psychological education, check if there is such a university,” recommends Vladimir Shlyapnikov. – Because, as in all unregulated areas (and the law on psychological assistance to the population has not yet been adopted. – Approx. ed.), There is a great chance to run into a diploma from the Horns and Hooves office. And pay attention to certificates of participation in seminars, conferences, publications in professional journals: a good psychologist is constantly evolving. A degree will be an additional sign that a specialist is not an accidental person in psychology.

And, of course, a good psychologist will not promise unrealistic results – for example, to cure depression in one session or return a runaway partner, emphasizes Vladimir Shlyapnikov.

The rule of good form is to explain the working conditions in advance: tell how the therapy will take place, what are the terms of payment. If a psychologist offers to conclude an oral or written contract, this is also a sign that you are on the right track. And one more thing: a good psychologist never puts pressure on a client and does not impose his values ​​on him.