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The family is a support, here we are loved and accepted as we are, supported and forgiven, no matter what happens. This is how it should ideally be. But, unfortunately, relatives are different, and some of them manage to poison life. What are the symptoms to determine that a relationship with them is toxic?
We are conceived as tribal creatures and therefore crave recognition and acceptance. Even at the dawn of civilization, most people realized these aspirations in the form of a family.
The family is a fundamental social group, the basis on which all life relationships are built and kept. Breaking these ties, whether through death, separation, enmity or strife, is always difficult. Therefore, it is so difficult to break off unhealthy relationships with relatives and disperse.
Ending a toxic relationship is okay
We don’t have to tolerate those who engage in toxic relationships. Thinking about growth and surrounding yourself with positive-minded like-minded people is moving forward. It makes no sense to hold on to the remnants of the past with those who do not inspire and support, but, on the contrary, pull to the bottom.
This also applies to relatives. It doesn’t matter if it’s abusive parents or narcissistic siblings. If the relationship is toxic, there is no room for compromise and there is no hope for change for the better, forget about it. It’s frustrating, but sometimes there’s no other way out.
Five alarms
There are several ways to identify toxicity in a relationship.
1. They communicate with us when we are needed.
In a healthy relationship, the principle of “give and take” is respected. When someone close remembers us only out of necessity – for example, to borrow a car for moving or ask for moral support in difficult times, but you can’t reach them when it’s hard for us, it’s clear that they don’t appreciate us, they only use us when necessary and then immediately disappear.
2. They can’t live without tragedy
People obsessed with all sorts of tragedies definitely poison our lives. They live for thrills, gossip, fried facts. If these are relatives, we are constantly participating in this to some extent, even if indirectly. Such people harm our physical and mental health.
3. They can’t be trusted
It is disgusting when relatives abuse trust. The family should love and respect us, which also means keeping secrets, caring and protecting. Untrustworthy relatives poison our lives.
4. They are quick to judge
Everyone makes mistakes, and constructive criticism never hurt anyone. But the flurry of offensive comments, which boil down to how terrible everything is, and how ashamed we should be, is an example of the negative behavior of relatives.
5. They manipulate
Manipulation is one of the most characteristic signs of toxicity, and it is not so easy to recognize it. To keep us in control, manipulators use a variety of tactics, from denying hard evidence and gaslighting (when they make them doubt their own sanity and memory) to changing their behavior from benevolent to spiteful and unpredictable when something does not suit them.
Limit contact with toxic relatives
Definitively ending a relationship that has turned out to be toxic is incredibly difficult, but most often necessary. Toxicity is due to immaturity, a lack of self-awareness and understanding of what is truly important in life. This behavior is difficult to correct.
Man can change only at his own will and in his time. Some never change. Do not try to influence relatives. Be that as it may, but most often adult toxic people remain so all their lives.
We need to make a commitment to ourselves and those who really care about us, to surround ourselves with positive people we can trust. If you focus on this, it will be easier to prevent toxic factors and feel self-sufficient.