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We inevitably compare ourselves to others. Because of what we miss our own happiness, social psychologists Adam Galinsky and Maurice Schweitzer say. Is there a way to benefit from comparisons?
American business school professors Adam Galinsky and Maurice Schweitzer argue that comparing ourselves to others is an innate need by which we measure our personal level of happiness. They cite a study by Frans de Waal of Emory University in which test monkeys only judged their prey after comparing it to that of other monkeys. Frans de Waal trained them to use pebbles as currency, and for each pebble he gave a slice of cucumber. All the monkeys were perfectly happy until the scientist started giving some of them a juicy sweet grape. As soon as the animals noticed this, they became furious. Those who received a cucumber instead of grapes refused it or even threw it in the scientist’s face. “This experiment demonstrates that our ancestors did not evaluate the results separately, but approached the evaluation in a complex way,” the authors of the book write.
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- Overcoming the vertical
- Question to the expert: “Social envy”
- Question to the expert: “Why do I react so painfully to other people’s successes?”
As an analogy for the monkey experiment, Adam Galinsky and Maurice Schweitzer cite the story of one Scott Crabtree, who climbed the corporate ladder for ten years and eventually rose to a relatively high position. He felt completely happy until a college graduate came to the company, who was taken to a position with a salary that Scott had been knocking out for himself for years. This situation hurt him so much that he decided to leave the company in which he had been happy for so many years. “We often think: do we need to do repairs? Are we earning enough? Have you achieved much? It is impossible to answer these questions on your own. And then we start to look around and compare our achievements with others,” explains Maurice Schweitzer.
So comparisons are unavoidable. But we can make them work for us. Healthy competition certainly motivates. New York University psychologist Gavin Kilduff has proven that people work much more efficiently when they see and know an opponent in person than when they simply imagine his image. For example, he studied the results of runners. When the athlete knew that this time his direct competitor was running with him, he began to run faster than usual. And if there were several competitors, then the speed increased several times.
Pass the tests
- Why are you comparing yourself to other people?
Yes, comparisons can motivate, but they can make us unhappy. Maurice Schweitzer and Adam Galinsky prove that a competitive spirit and a spirit of cooperation exist in a person at the same time, while neither of these feelings is dominant. We should learn to use both of these qualities, but each in its own time. So, Olympic silver medalists feel miserable because they compare themselves to champions. On the contrary, bronze medalists are much happier than silver medalists, although it should be exactly the opposite. The secret is that the bronze winners compare themselves to those who took fourth and other less prestigious places. And they are already happy that they are standing on a pedestal and bringing medals to their team. “Look for profitable comparisons if you want to feel happier, and disadvantageous ones if you need to stimulate yourself to further achievements,” the psychologists write. Of course, we will never stop comparing ourselves to others. But we will learn to use it to our advantage.
For more details, see A. Galinsky, M. Schweitzer, Friend&Foe: When to Cooperate, When to Compete, and How to Succeed at Both. , and in another”, Crown Business, 2015).