Contents
There are two extreme views on sex education:
- There is no need to discuss anything with the children, in due time they will find out everything themselves.
- It is necessary to provide as much information on these issues as possible.
Accordingly, the results of education are completely different. Some argue that any information of this kind corrupts, encourages early onset of sexual activity, increases the number of teenage pregnancies, abortions, etc.
Others are full of bright expectations: with the introduction of sexual education, neither adolescents nor adults will experience problems in this area, sexual violence will disappear, and complete sexual harmony will come in all marriages. But … «real pedagogical experience dispels both irrational fears and high expectations» (I. S. Kon). The main questions of this burning topic:
- When should you start talking to your child about sex?
- How to behave if he (she) himself (herself) asks about it?
- What should I say? Do you tell the whole truth?
- Who should speak?
When and how to start talking to your child about sex?
Usually a child is interested in where children come from at the age of three or four. Then you should start. At the same time, it must be remembered that sexual education should not be divorced from education in general. Where to start? With a clear explanation of the differences between men and women. At this age, the child must firmly know what gender he belongs to. The future sexual life will be harmonious if the child has the right psychosexual attitudes. Well-known experts on sexual education (American researcher K. Dion, German teacher H. Reinprecht) draw the attention of parents to the following points.
- Do not console yourself with the hope that in half an hour of talking with a child you can solve all the problems at once. Sexual education is a gradual process of discovery. It begins with a quivering surprise at the mysteries of life, at the processes taking place in nature.
- There should be no great difficulties in sexual education if the images of mother and father are clearly outlined in the family, if the family is prosperous.
- Sexual education in the family is impossible without trust between the child and the parent. If trust is lost, it is necessary to return it, then the child will go with questions to you, and not to the street.
- When talking about the innermost, try not to let in the fog, but also do not get stuck in the details. One of the misconceptions: if we devote a child to all the details, he will be confident and free in the sexual sphere. In fact, many people who enjoy and enjoy sex do not know anything about the physiological side of this process.
- Share with your child your knowledge and your experience, not the theory gleaned from “smart books”.
- Don’t bully a child or teen. For example, the terrible consequences of masturbation or the risk of sexually transmitted diseases. Fear is destructive.
Questions like «Where do babies come from?» the child asks, among other questions, about the structure of the world around him. And it is dictated by natural cognitive interest. Are parents evading or overreacting? Then this interest can become unhealthy.
Medical experts say that a normally developing child (without hormonal disorders) does not have true sexuality and sexual interests until adolescence. But with puberty, such interests awaken. At the same time, a too free or, say, encouraging attitude towards the research craving of children and sensual satisfaction from their genitals can threaten early and excessive excitation of sexuality.
Should the child be told the truth?
Oh sure. But depending on the age, it is necessary to give him that part of the information that he is able to adequately perceive. You can not bring down on him all the information entirely. And expressions should be accessible to children.
Parents can safely take as assistants modern literature on sexual issues, published specifically for children. Those who let their children read the French «Encyclopedia of Sexual Life» then met with an absolutely calm attitude of their son or daughter to this topic. If the answer to a question is known, interest in it fades.
“The task of adults is to help the child openly ask any questions … to hear them at the moment when they are asked — in the game, in words, in the behavior of the child, and answer them according to the good old rule: “Always the truth, only the truth”, but not all however, in accordance with the child’s ability to understand the answer ”(V. Kagan).
The child can not only ask questions. Everyone knows children’s games in the hospital or in mom and dad, in which boys and girls give injections, examine intimate parts of the body, imitate bed scenes. There is no erotic interest in this exploration of the body or imitation. Wanting to know the world around them, children also want to find out the structure of the body of representatives of the opposite sex. This is no more terrible than the desire to find out the device of a new car or clockwork in an alarm clock.
When informing children, it is important not to overdo it, not to inspire them with the significance of this side of life for an adult. If the child is not able to comprehend the information received, he begins to fantasize, and representations distorted in this way can injure his psyche.
It is unacceptable for the baby to witness intimate scenes on the screen, and even more so — the intimacy of the parents.
In adolescence, the emergence of sexual interests and needs is natural. Parents will not be able to control this concern during puberty with all their desire. The only thing to be feared is excessiveness in the manifestation of these interests.
Who should explain everything to children about sex?
This is where the opinions of many experts differ. Some insist that the main information should come from the parents. For example, the American physician and psychologist Dr. Dobson believes that if parents are able to correctly and tactfully explain everything related to sexual life, then these duties are best performed by them. You should start doing this by the age of three or four, and then maintain a relationship with the child at the same level of trust. Then you can expect that you will encounter a lot less problems in adolescence.
There is another point of view. Professor I. S. Kohn, a recognized specialist in the field of sexual education, believes that parents in the role of sexual educators are not particularly effective. The only, in his opinion, “working channel of sexual education” is when the mother tells her daughter information about menstruation, sexual hygiene, etc. Intimate information is perceived less painfully when the child does not receive it from the parents. There is a psychologically plausible explanation for this. If such information comes from a loved one, a “tense emotional-erotic field” arises between him and the child (I. S. Kon). Both parties in this case experience considerable discomfort. It is no secret that many teenagers prefer to receive such information not from their fathers and mothers. And it’s not because they don’t trust them. Many parents also feel uncomfortable at the thought of discussing these issues with their children. About ten years ago, to the question: «Did your parents talk to you about sex education?» — only 13 percent of adolescents answered in the affirmative; 87 percent answered: «No, they didn’t.»
Who, besides parents, can take on educational functions?
Now not only in the family understand the importance of satisfying this interest. Is it possible to hope that a well-placed sex education in school will replace parents and save them from feelings of embarrassment?
Most modern parents do not object to the introduction of sex education in public schools. But at the same time, you have the right to know who will conduct this course and according to what program. Find out what place in this program is given to the safety of sex, methods of protection, what is the technique of sex, and what is the moral side of sexual relations. After weighing all the pros and cons, you can either agree to conduct such a course in the class where your child is studying, or refuse this innovation.
An important channel for obtaining sexual information for adolescents is their peers. But in this case, the information can be both one-sided and unreliable. Often false myths about female and male sexuality come from this source. And yet, sometimes it is important for a teenager to consult a peer.
In some European countries (for example, in Germany), this can be done by logging into a special website on the Internet or by calling a helpline. Questions will be answered by specially trained peer counselors or adult professionals. If you wish, you can continue the conversation with a specialist (sexologist, psychologist, psychotherapist) in a personal meeting. There is another source of knowledge — youth magazines and special literature. Do not be too lazy to get acquainted with these sources: make sure they can be trusted.