When a woman chooses a man much older: what does it mean?

Since school days, everyone remembers that girls develop faster than boys physiologically and, as a result, psychologically. While classmates awkwardly pull their pigtails and defiantly communicate only with each other, a good half of the girls are drowning in romantic dreams about Serezha from 11 «A».

This trend persists until about 23-25 ​​years old: peers are not very interesting, and girls choose older men. However, when the age difference is 10, 15, or even 20 years, the reason lies not only in physiology.

According to Freud

Sigmund Freud also wrote that parents become the prototypes of the partners we choose. Boys fall in love with girls who look like their mother, girls fall in love with men who look like their father.

Many women instinctively look for older men because they did not receive fatherly love, care and attention in childhood. There are many options, but perhaps they were not told in childhood: “I love you” or “You are my princess.” Or maybe the woman grew up in an incomplete family, where for some reason there was no father.

Another sad story, when physically the father was, but emotionally he was not. A prime example is alcoholism. You cannot rely on such a father and get support. At the moment when he is most needed, he goes on a binge. And the girl is desperately looking for love, understanding and care from others and most often does not find it.

Fear of separation from parents

When a woman has not achieved full autonomy from her parents, she seeks to return to this relationship. She is afraid to lose the parent-child connection forever. It is cozy in the parental nest and I want the man nearby to become a senior comrade or guardian who will provide financially and help morally. Such a woman cannot (and more often does not want to) solve financial issues on her own and feels uncomfortable without support. She is very afraid of being alone.

Family Scenarios

At an unconscious level, children are given generic life scenarios that are reproduced from generation to generation. A striking example is when all women in the family are unlucky with their husbands: they drink, beat or gamble, but their hands are “golden”. And women endure, raise children and pass this script on to their daughters.

In such cases, they say that it is «written by birth.» And if “it is written in the family” for a man in a couple to be older than a woman, he, obviously, will die earlier. And the woman will need to cope with this situation, survive it psychologically.

Inequality

A man chooses a woman younger than himself, too, for a reason.

Such relationships are often based on inequality, since parent and child are, by definition, unequal. The reverse side of security and comfort is the dominance of a man, in which a woman has to sacrifice her own «I», push it into the background.

A man may consider a woman as the material from which he molds an ideal partner. He can be annoying with constant instructions and moralizing. Considering himself more experienced and wise, he will single-handedly make important decisions for both.

It is very difficult to get along with such a person. Especially if he is jealous of his young and attractive wife, while he is rapidly aging. Then the desire to limit the communication of the partner with the same age will be added to the moralizing.

Benefit

At the same time, a mature man is a reliable rear, behind which a woman feels good for many reasons:

• material benefit. A financially accomplished man is a reliable support for a family in which a woman can take care of the house, hobbies and raising children without needing anything.
• Interesting person. An adult man is a person who has seen and knows a lot. Of course, it is more interesting with him than with a peer who has not yet decided who he is and what interests him.
• Emotional support and care. With age, men begin to understand women at least a little, or at least pretend to. They know how to listen and support in difficult times, which can be difficult for young couples.
• Reliability. A mature man has already “walked up”, he knows what he wants. It is not scary to create a family with him, you can rely on him.
• Sex life. An experienced one knows how, how much and what a woman wants, and is not obsessed with her sexual success.

Pitfalls

• different values ​​and interests. Partners listened to different music in their youth, read different books, watched different films. On the one hand, this can be a problem, on the other hand, on the contrary, it increases interest in each other.
• An unflattering comparison with previous wives and partners. There is a risk of getting taunts about culinary abilities, habits, skills. The main thing here is to gently but firmly make it clear that you are you. What he was used to was left in the past, with which he himself decided to part.
• Reluctance to have children. He has children from previous marriages and wants no more. He, as they say, «ate» and wants to live for his own pleasure, while the young woman is ripe for the family.
• Disharmony in activity. An ideal weekend for a man is at home on the couch, and his partner misses skiing. Here it is important to negotiate, find compromises and spend leisure time both together and separately from each other. For example, one weekend you stay at home, the second you spend in nature, the third — the husband lies on the couch, and the wife goes skiing with her friend.

Chances for a long-term relationship

If a parent-child relationship suits both, the chances of the couple staying together are high. What is important is not the age difference as such, but how old each of the partners is. With age, we better understand who we need, learn to build relationships, discuss problems, instead of slamming the door, and try to be more condescending to each other’s shortcomings. It all depends on the emotional maturity of each of the partners and the desire to be together, despite the differences.