Elena asks:
Good day! I have already read many articles, but I just can’t find a suitable one … Help, please. Second child, daughter 1 year 4 months. Her behavior torments everyone, including herself. She, as it were, chooses a “friend” for herself and does not see or hear anyone else. If I (mother) is nearby, then it’s definitely me. If I am not there, then it can be any adult: dad, grandmother, grandfather, uncle … But someone alone. And this «friend» kapets! Not to leave the room (not to the toilet, she will yell under the door; not to drink, not to leave), she constantly “monitors” — in a second she will already notice that they have left. Don’t get up, she immediately asks to be held in her arms, and if you immediately sit down, then she no longer needs to be held in her arms. If you tell her that you are leaving, then, as luck would have it, as a rule, an op with tears begins. With all this, she can calmly play if I sit on the floor and look at her. As soon as I took the phone in my hands, then she immediately needs to see me, and the phone itself is not interesting to her. If I sat down at the computer, then she immediately needs to come to me, there are already more to the computer — to press the buttons on the keyboard. In the kitchen, she wants to be only on her hands, she doesn’t give anything, interest quickly disappears in everything, I put her on a stool with me, I let her do everything with me, but she needs to be in her arms if I’m standing. If I sit down on the floor, then it is no longer necessary. When she starts crying, she can’t hear or see anything at all. Natural hysteria, and very often. And only this «friend» in his arms can reassure. She doesn’t need anyone else. I have an older daughter, she will be 4 in May. She is completely bewildered by this behavior too. Nothing like this had ever happened to her, it was always possible to agree almost from birth. What should I do in such a situation? Thank you in advance!
Response:
Elena, I know that my answer will hardly suit you, but if you ask me, I will answer you how I would solve this situation. I would solve this situation not like a woman, but like a man, that is, in a businesslike and adult way. And in the adult world, they do not react to crying.
Imagine that your baby is in the hospital (there is nothing terrible in this, it happens), and next to her in your place is a smart and caring nanny. The nanny, besides your baby, still has a lot to do. When the nanny is free (which is not often), she will come and play, and take the baby in her arms: the nanny loves children. But when the nanny is busy, when you need to clean up and do procedures for the children, then cry, don’t cry — the nanny will do her own thing. The nanny will take it easy because she is at work. What about baby? The baby will cry for a couple of hours in a row — and stop, because she gets tired and realizes that she is crying in vain: she will understand that this does not work with a nanny in a hospital. The baby will soon rest and will definitely try to tame the medical staff for another two days, but she will be examined for health and if she is healthy, no one will react to her crying. And then the baby will stop behaving like that and will do more calm things.
Therefore, first contact a good neurologist and make sure that the child’s nervous system is in order. Suddenly he lacks some vitamins. But for some reason, I’m sure that your baby’s health is all right, and thank God!
Therefore, next I will suggest that you start to be afraid. Elena, you are afraid, but you are doing it wrong: you are not afraid of what is really scary. While you are afraid for your baby, she begins to command you. This is what is scary. It is very bad that you are afraid of her crying and are not afraid of the fact that she gets used to dispose of adults and command them. If you plan to educate her, and not just grow her, you need to decide on the issue of power in the only right way. The family agrees, does not command. And if they are already in command, then not children, but adults. Yes?
Only in this way will you raise a smart and healthy girl. Next is your choice. Can you handle it? I hope that your loved ones will support you in your efforts.
By the way, if you do not solve this issue, in a couple of months your eldest daughter will master the same behavior. Do you need it?
Video from Yana Shchastya: interview with professor of psychology N.I. Kozlov
Topics of conversation: What kind of woman do you need to be in order to successfully marry? How many times do men get married? Why are there so few normal men? Childfree. Parenting. What is love? A story that couldn’t be better. Paying for the opportunity to be close to a beautiful woman.