Access to the digital space is open today to almost every inhabitant of the civilized world. This is not even a way out, but an instant and exciting march towards each other. Social media has drawn us into a giant web of continuous communication. What does this mean for authentic, tangible life?
“As soon as I wake up, I go into a corporate messenger,” says 29-year-old Oleg, a real estate agent, “we have both a work chat and personal communication there: we share news, discuss events in the world, throw off memes. When I go to the metro, I “check” Insta, at lunchtime I listen to music on VKontakte, and on FB I subscribe to all profile groups on the real estate market. During the day I actively correspond in Votsap and Telega — virtual communication takes up at least 60% of my time.
Most of us lead a similar lifestyle. In an embrace with a smartphone today there is not only a “digital generation”, but also those who are much older. For a long time we no longer shudder when we hear a sharp exclamation or laughter of a lonely passer-by walking towards us. We understand that he is not talking to himself, but to his wife, friend or relative living in another city.
We are used to meeting groups of young people at cafe tables who communicate “on two fronts” — with a neighbor and with a friend in a messenger. Actually, we ourselves often do this: passing a sandwich to our son, sending birthday greetings to a colleague, and after parting with a friend after the performance, we immediately exchange photos taken in the messenger. Where does real communication end and virtual begin? And is it possible in principle to draw a border?
Point, point, comma
“It is becoming more and more difficult to separate these two types of communication: online and offline, they merge into a single process,” notes Elena Belinskaya, Doctor of Psychology, social psychologist. — This is due to two factors: economic (there are fewer and fewer jobs where you can do without Internet communication) and technical (thanks to the mobile Internet, virtual communication is divided into small segments).
Here we went to WhatsApp for five minutes, hung for a second on our favorite social network, then held a meeting in zoom … This time cannot be counted, it is woven into our life, it becomes this very life.
A student or parent who does not have access to a study (or parent) chat runs the risk of not only losing contact with classmates, but also missing important information, not knowing the assignment, not seeing the schedule. The pandemic and the lockdown have greatly contributed to this merger.
The research results show a powerful surge in online life: over the past year, the audience of social networks in our country alone has grown by 4,8 million (+5,1%) and has a total of 99 million users, and the overall level of Internet penetration in Russia is 85,0 %1. Our communication is increasingly on the Internet. How does this affect its quality?
First of all, it is accelerating. And not only because the addressees (subscribers) see the posts instantly and react just as quickly. “In social networks, we use words less and more visuals,” explains Elena Belinskaya. — In a live dialogue, we do not exchange photos and emoticons, they are not needed: we see each other and everything that is around. In the narrow screen of a smartphone, we are deprived of context, and here symbols come to the rescue. At first it was abbreviations, capslock and brackets with dots to indicate joy, sadness or despair, and now we have a rich selection of images at our disposal for every taste.
We are perplexed — and choose emoji with a puzzled face; tired — and in response to a request to talk helmet to a friend of the cat, who lies on the pillow and makes «khirkhyr». And you don’t need to write anything else — our well-being is obvious. But are these symbols really enough?
Not my sadness
Clifford Nass, a professor of sociology at Stanford University, compared the emotional development of Internet regulars with those who spend less time online, and found that the former are much worse at identifying other people’s feelings, they are less empathic and capable of self-reflection.2.
“This thesis is confirmed by various studies,” comments Elena Belinskaya. “Young people today find it difficult to differentiate not only the emotional state of the interlocutor, but also their own, because one is connected with the other: it is impossible to understand whether the other is sad or bored if we do not recognize these feelings in ourselves, and vice versa.”
It is in our preference for emoji and pictures over text. Sending a picture of a cozy cat is not the same as saying, “I’m a little sad right now and I don’t feel like talking. Yes, I’m lonely, but still I want to be alone with myself.
“With the help of words, you can describe your condition in detail, but instead one picture is chosen,” the social psychologist continues. “And then what happens?” We get used to quickly labeling our feelings with symbols — drawn by someone else, mind you! — instead of experiencing them. Only by designating a feeling with a word can we appropriate it.
In addition, a picture is simpler, but far from always clearer than words: it captures only an instantaneous state, sometimes we choose it inaccurately, incorrectly — it just caught our eye faster, and the interlocutor will understand it completely differently, in his own way, and may not put into it the same meaning that we put into it.
Feel the skin
Short phrases, memes and emoticons make virtual communication sketchy and simplified. And, as a rule, we intuitively feel that there is a significant difference between meetings on the Internet and in life.
“In the circle of my peers there is an unspoken rule: to raise serious issues only in private,” said 27-year-old Arina (more precisely, she sent this remark as a voice file on WhatsApp). — On the phone, I’m ready to discuss anything: music, cinema, household chores — but not what concerns me personally. When I want to share my feelings or find out how a friend I haven’t seen for a long time is doing, we arrange a face-to-face meeting, and instant messengers are a great help in this.
When we use social media to strengthen the connections we already have, that is, as a bridge to direct communication, they give us a feeling of support and satisfaction. And vice versa.
“When we sit at the same table with our loved ones, buried in gadgets, we fall out of the real situation and destroy what is happening here and now,” explains Elena Belinskaya. — No one notices that the grandmother is very bored, the sister is nervous about the upcoming date, and the mother wants to hear: «Thank you, it was very tasty.» Losing this actual situational context, we understand each other less and feel more unhappy and lonely.”
It is no coincidence that in recent years, trainings and practices related to attention to one’s condition, and the slogans “be in the moment” and “live in the present” have been so in demand on the market of psychological services. I would like to believe that such “grounding” balances virtual weightlessness, helps to regain contact with one’s feelings and maintain connection with reality.
Leaving traces
Going into social networks, we cannot remain invisible there: in order to see others, you have to show yourself. What are we presenting to the world?
“As a rule, not all of ourselves, but one or two roles: we appear as the head of a large family, a competent professional or an outrageous brawler, depending on the goal we are pursuing,” says psychologist Anna Ayanyan. — But there is a pattern: the majority seeks to show themselves in a favorable light. We broadcast socially approved behaviors and adjust our actions in anticipation of acceptance and support.”
Almost every second user, wanting to make a better impression of himself, distorts information about himself in networks: from age, appearance and income to religious views and musical preferences3.
US researchers have found that the weight reported by women on dating sites is 3-9 kg lower than the average weight of American women of the same age, and the height of men and women is also higher than the average for the population.4. But embellishing yourself is unlikely to cause harm to others, in contrast to the more serious threats that network communication can carry.
“Wherever communication begins, in a group of husky breeders or a community of jazz lovers, we are not immune from meeting scammers who can abuse trust,” warns Anna Ayanyan. — But those who are looking for a partner or planning a purchase / sale need to be especially vigilant. Prolonged virtual communication with an online acquaintance creates the illusion of security, but does not guarantee that you will not be harmed in real life. Do not provide confidential information to those with whom you have not personally communicated.
Blurring the line between the real and virtual worlds, along with many benefits, comes with risks. A careless statement or a caption to a photo can lead to the loss of a job and reputation. As, however, and vice versa: thanks to bright publications, you can get a big contract and (or) find personal happiness.
Everything we say and write on the Web — even likes and reposts — leaves an indelible digital footprint. Perhaps this is a sufficient reason, going out into the public space, to take care of their boundaries and the measure of responsibility.
1 According to Digital 2021: The Russian Federation (January 2021).
2 Sherry Turkle «In a Living Voice. Why talk and listen in the digital age” (Corpus, 2021).
3 According to VTsIOM for 2011 (wciom.ru).
4 Hitsch G.J. et al. Matching and sorting in online dating // American Economic Review, 2010, Vol. 100 (1).