Contents
What you should know if your partner is your co-worker
Couple
Avoiding talking about work issues at home and naturalizing the situation with colleagues are key factors
Companies that romantic relationships in the workplace they are very common. They happen in both companies and are a dynamic that many are forced to do: proximity, the number of hours together and sharing work objectives is a sum that often has an inevitable result.
But, even with the frequency of these relationships, there are many people who, seeing themselves in such a situation, have problems to assume and naturalize them in your enviroment. “We are all adults and we have voluntary and free relationships, within the Constitution. You do not have to give explanations, or ask anyone for permission to have a relationship with a co-worker, “explains Arantxa Coca, a psychologist specializing in couples. Once the note is made, the professional advises that, when you want to explain in the work environment that a relationship between colleagues has begun, naturalness should prevail above all. “You do not have to do any drama or add a special connotation to it because it is at work,” says the psychologist.
The psychologist Amparo Calandín, an expert in Doctoralia, agrees with her colleague: «People are in a work environment demonstrating our professionalism. We have to give it the right importance, we have a relationship outside of work, emotionally, but here we are still companions, like the rest”.
When communicating the relationship to the bosses, both advocate again to try to naturalize the situation as much as possible. “Must emphasize the honesty that we are showing. Although we do not have the obligation of having to transmit it, we are putting it on the table so that they know it, to see that we do not want to hide anything, “says Calandín.
Avoid secrecy
Even so, many couples, to avoid humorous comments and the perception that their professionalism and efficiency is less, decide to keep their relationship a secret, which, on some occasions, can negatively affect this. “Secrecy prevents the situation from being naturalized. It is a social environment in which you can meet someone very similar to you and, if it conditions you to meet him in a certain context, it is a shame. In the end, what should be valued is professionalism and not so much the personal relationships that are generated “, Amparo Caladín points out.
The moment in which you recognize that you begin to feel something for a coworker can be difficult for some. Arantxa Coca explains that, in the event that both people are single, the situation “must be approached like any other relationship.” Feel if the other person begins to feel the same, and little by little see where the situation leads. He asserts that the complication arrives when you already have a partner: «The couple’s relationship should be reviewed, and, if one is becoming very intimate with a partner, cut down on the time spent with that person. I would recommend avoiding leisure times, because sometimes you work and breaks are done together.
The professional explains that if you are in a relationship and you start to have other feelings, it may be because you already have a relationship. couple crisis. In the event that this is not the case, it must be taken into account that “another person who is not our partner has become an accomplice” and points out that “if nothing is done, in the end it is already known what will happen ». “There are people who even ask for a change of department, or table, to cut the time spent together,” explains Coca.
Can feelings be confused?
The expert relationship psychologist Arantxa Coca explains how it is easy to confuse what we feel when it comes to finding a romantic relationship in the workplace.
«With whom you spend the most time every day is with co-workers. If you share space, project and also leisure breaks, it is a time bomb, ”says the professional. “A complicity is created,” he adds. “When that link is established, it is easy for us to find confusion,” says the doctor.
He compares it to a situation between close friends. “The borders are blurred. They are two people who explain everything to each other, they see each other a lot during the week, they explain confidences … From there to take the next step there is nothing. And the same thing happens at work, ”he emphasizes.
Once a relationship has already been established, is known by peers, and has become naturalized in the environment, the couple must set limits to prevent the professional environment from being affected by it. “It is important that everything remains the same as always, maintain a professional attitude and keep work spaces as separate as possible,” says Arantxa Coca. For her part, Amparo Calandín explains that you have to put up barriers and know which conversations belong to the workplace and which to the personal environment. “Communicative limits must be established, and if they are not enough, even physical ones, such as the change of position in the company”, explains the psychologist.
Essential communication
In the event that the relationship is sporadic and does not end up being consolidated, Dr. Coca recommends “establishing a verbal contract” as soon as possible. «The best thing is to talk about it, go for a coffee and make it clear that this should not affect the professional relationship, that discretion be kept and professionalism and not withdrawing the greeting, this is very important, “he says.
When not only working in the same company, but also sharing a home, couples must make an effort so that the situation does not affect their relationship. «You have to respect everyone’s space, do independent things outside of work, that each one have their hobbies, their plots, that they disconnect and be with other people “, says the professional Amparo Calandín.
Likewise, it is important to avoid talking about work at home, to achieve “mental hygiene”. To do this, Arantxa Coca proposes a very easy trick: «If, for example, you are cooking and you start talking about work, you have to know how to say ‘this for tomorrow at the office’. If it costs us, we can call our partner by his last name instead of by name. In this way, attention is paid to the fact that work no longer has to be talked about ». “It is important to broaden the conversational register and share other matters, not only at work,” concludes the psychologist.