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What you may not know about people who are badly thought out
Psychology
Poorly thoughtful people have to change their beliefs about others and realize that everything they think does not have to happen in the future and, if it happens, it may not be as serious as they anticipate
Think badly and you will be right, the saying goes, but when this becomes a habit, day in and day out, in different matters of life, it may not be a success and rather a personality problem, because ill-considered people distrust people. others and do not trust anyone. In addition, this distrust It can also be transferred to the things that happen to them in their day to day, thinking that the worst possible option will pass or that something will not turn out well.
Laura Fuster, a clinical psychologist in Valencia, indicates that, therefore, these types of people have a high level of negative thoughts and emotions: «Frustration, anxiety, sadness or negative anticipation usually appear in these people almost permanently and in the vast majority of situations.
Let’s take an example: if they meet someone new, they think they are “going to play” or are going to hurt them in some way; If they show up for a job interview, they think it will turn out badly or that they will give the job to someone “plugged in” or if they go to buy they think that they have paid them the wrong money. As we see, says the expert, thoughts of mistrust can be extended to endless scenariosTherefore, “the life of the ill-thought-out person is conditioned and limited.”
As Laura Fuster commented, poorly thought-out people “have a high degree of negative thoughts and emotions,” so anxiety, sadness, frustration, etc. are very present in their lives. “In these cases, what psychologists call ‘self-fulfilling prophecy’ plays an important role, which consists in that if you think that things are going to go wrong or that others are not to be trusted, your emotions and actions will be directed towards that done ”, alerts the expert. In this way, more attention will be paid to these types of situations and people and, therefore, it will end up attracting exactly what you do not want to happen to us.
In addition, we must remember that human beings are social beings, we need contact with others, and distrustful people tend to shy away from people and are avoidant and elusive, so they tend to feel loneliness and isolation and, as Laura Fuster says, this is “Another proof of the self-fulfilling prophecy: since I don’t trust people I isolate myself, but if I isolate myself I can never prove that some people are good and gain confidence in others.”
Where is the origin
But why so much mistrust? As with almost everything in life, distrust is not born, it is done. In other words, as Laura Fuster defines it, being badly thought is usually “the result of some bad experience that person has had.” “It may be that someone disappointed you at some point in your life and has stayed with that learning,” he says. For example, discovering that the best friend from school speaks ill of him behind his back or that his first partner was unfaithful … “The thinking error that these people make is generalization,” he clarifies, that is, “if it happened to me once will always happen to me (all future situations) and with all people ».
How to trust more
According to the psychologist, ill-thought-out people can become more trustworthy if they adopt other attitudes such as those indicated below:
— Change of thoughts. Poorly thoughtful people have to change their beliefs about others and the world around them. They have to realize that everything they think does not have to happen in the future and if it does, it may not be as serious as they anticipate.
“They must learn to pay attention to people who can be trusted, to the good deeds of people, and to situations that work out for them. It is like changing the glasses of mistrust for other more neutral ones, that do not make you see all pink, but that they leave you room to see the good things that people have, “says Laura Fuster (@laurafusterpsicologa).
— Exhibition. The expert says that in her consultation, together with the work of thoughts, they do what they call exposure, which is nothing more than to face little by little the situations that scare us: «In this case, once the thoughts we generate less anxiety, the distrustful person should look for situations to trust, first very easy and then more complicated ».
For example, buying bread and not checking the change, delegating work trusting that your partner does it well, telling something intimate to another person, starting a relationship, etc.
— Accept emotions. Poorly thought out people “have to learn to tolerate uncertainty” and the frustration that starting to trust others can bring them. Of course, the expert assures that “it is not an easy road” and it is likely that we will continue to “have small disappointments.”
— Assertiveness. It is important that these people are able to set limits and express what they want to others. In this way there will be no misunderstandings that could lead them to increase their distrust.
— Self esteem. Distrustful people are likely to have to work on some part of their self-esteem. As we said, being badly thought can come from some past experience that has left its mark and may have affected self-esteem.