When an adult holds out a business card, and it says «Lesha» or «Marusya», what does this say about its owner? Can it be taken seriously? Or maybe the name does not mean anything at all and it is important to look at qualities and skills?
“Somehow they sent me a resume. I read — everything seems to be fine, a competent specialist, 32 years old. I decided to invite for an interview, opened the mail for an answer and saw the address from which the applicant wrote to us. Something like «katenok» (the name Katya is played up). And I saw a photo — a girl in a swimsuit on the avatar of mail. If a person at the age of 32 does not understand that you need to send a resume from a mailbox with a neutral name, I have doubts whether he has matured to a high position, ”shares Galina, an employee of the HR service.
Elena, 27, faced similar doubts. “On a dating site, men 40-45 years old with nicknames like Vasek, Vitek knocked on me. To be honest, the image of a sort of bastard in an alcoholic T-shirt was immediately born in my head. I definitely don’t want to not only build relationships with this, but even get to know each other. ”
There is a saying: «They meet by clothes, see off by mind.»
“I bet — not only on clothes. Your name is the first thing you say when you meet someone. And how you present yourself determines how you will be perceived. Think about how different they sound: Dmitry, Dima, Mitya, Dimon, Dimochka … Behind these names lie different images of a person, ”says psychologist Marina Terentyeva.
There are many diminutive variants of names in Russian. No one is surprised if they are used at home or in a friendly environment. But if this is how it appears to us in a business conversation, and even more so if they insist that we address ourselves in this way?
“In our culture, it is customary to call children by short names — Vova, Vitya, Sveta. Mom calls her son Sasha. At school, his name is Sasha. Friends in the yard — Shurik. The child responds to all these names, but inside he calls himself one name. And he lives with the feeling that he is Sasha (or Shurik, or something else). The boy grows up, turns into a man. And Sasha turns into Alexander, continues Marina Terentyeva. “But sometimes that doesn’t happen. And then we come across at work with Shurik 45 years old, on a dating site — with Sasha 37 years old, and in difficult negotiations with Sasha 53 years old.
Borders and distance
By the way a person introduces himself in person, in social networks or on a dating site, you can form an opinion about him, the psychologist is sure. The full name in a personal acquaintance speaks of the desire to keep a distance between you and the interlocutor. This form of address makes communication more formal.
“A full name on a social network or dating site is quite appropriate. However, if a person uses the full name everywhere, even in a friendly informal setting, then most likely he cannot relax. Out of habit, he builds a boundary between himself and people. Imagine a serious boss who walks around in a suit and tie all day and even at home does not allow himself to put on a T-shirt and relax.
When a person uses the full name in informal communication, most likely he seeks to emphasize his status, raise self-esteem. A short name (Volodya, Liza, Sveta) suggests an informal attitude when communicating and reduces the distance. But it is important to consider the relevance and context, as in the case told by Galina.
“Those who, even in serious negotiations, appear with a short name, want to feel free in any situation,” believes Marina Terentyeva. — Such a person protests against social norms or does not feel them. It is difficult for him to follow the rules, the meaning of which he does not understand.
A short name in social networks and on a dating site can be used depending on the purpose of creating an account, the nature of the person and the image that we want to create.
“This may be appropriate for a mom on maternity leave who wants to get close to her subscribers, but it’s not at all suitable for a serious trader who needs to gain credibility,” the psychologist believes.
Kindergarten, and only
When a person is introduced by diminutive names (Lekha, Gosh, Seryoga), this speaks of infantilism and immaturity, the expert suggests.
“This form of communication is more typical for teenagers. Perhaps a person has not advanced in development if he continues to use that name.
If it’s more comfortable for us to introduce ourselves this way, it’s worth considering what issues we lingered in puberty and how it helps or hinders us. An additional emotional load is carried by the diminutive forms Olenka, Tanechka, Pavlik. There is something childishly touching and tender in this. The slang forms Dimon, Seryoga, Andryukha take on an aggressive tone.
“Consciously or unconsciously, a person, using such a form, creates a certain image. His diminutive name is taken as permission to be familiar. Don’t be surprised if they suddenly react to you in an over-familiar way,” remarks Marina Terentyeva. “But as with any rule, there are exceptions. Sometimes this or that form of a name is associated with some kind of memory. And it can be both pleasant and causing irritation, resentment or even pain. “For example, my mother called her little daughter Masha, and when she scolded her, she said loudly: “Maria! Aren `t you ashamed!» So it stuck with Masha that Maria is something shameful. Deep seated. Maybe the adult Masha no longer remembers how it was. But the dislike for the name remained.
Name and personal brand
When a person creates a personal brand, his name comes to the fore. It gives rise to a mood, an association, a certain image for the target audience of its «owner».
“For example, Katya Lel — do you remember what songs she sang? «Musi-pusi, my marmalade.» Lightweight, funny. Imagine if the conductor Vladimir Spivakov suddenly called himself Vova Spivakov. Do you notice how the abbreviated name does not fit the image of a famous conductor? Or Dima Zitser — author of books, teacher. It would seem that it would be inappropriate to call yourself a short name with such a serious profession (on behalf of «Vadim», by the way, and not «Dmitry»). Teachers are accepted by name and patronymic. But Dima Zitser advocates non-formal education. Watch his video: how harmonious he is in his manifestations, with this short name! The image of “his boyfriend”, freedom in self-expression, emotionality, openness — this is reflected in his personal brand, ”the psychologist is sure.
If we want to match the chosen image, it is worth analyzing our social media page, especially if it is professional. What name is there? Does it fit with the image we want to create for users? How does it fit with the profession, character, approach?
“Look at your profile on a dating site: what is your name there? Does it fit with your goals? Do you want to be seen that way?» the psychologist asks.
change destiny
“On my 55th birthday, I made myself a present: I changed my name from “Anastasia” to “Ekaterina”, I got a passport, new rights. I never liked my name, and my parents called me by my full name from infancy. But everyone, except for them, strove to call Nastya, Nastenka, Nastya. It irritated me wildly. I’m sick of correcting everyone. I have no irritation with the name «Katya». On the contrary, I really like it, as well as its full version.
“Usually there are reasons for such a decision,” explains Marina Terentyeva. — For example, in adulthood, family secrets are revealed. And it turns out that the son was given the name of the father, whom he hated all his life. Or the daughter was named after her father’s mistress. Any associations with unpleasant people can provoke dislike for your name. And it happens that a person’s own name seems not native. As if putting on a thing from someone else’s shoulder … «
To change or not to change the name is the choice of everyone. But before you decide to take such a step, it is worth understanding the true reasons. And it is possible to look for alternative solutions to the issue, and only then make a decision.
“If the reasons for changing the name are weighty, then such a change can really lead to changes in life. There is no esoteric in this. A person lives with disgust for his name — and therefore for a piece of himself. And after the change, his name became harmonious and familiar, he seemed to accept himself. Forces appeared — those that used to go to the internal struggle with both the name and disharmony. Increased self-confidence.»
But, the psychologist is convinced, it is not enough just to make changes in the “Name” column in the passport. If we want to achieve meaningful change, we will have to act.