Grandmothers are joyful. Grandmother is already a wise woman who now has time to take care of her grandchildren with pleasure — that is, your children, for whom you sometimes do not have enough time. If the grandmother is still a loving and educated person, then your grandchildren are lucky.
However, grandmothers are different, and the main — traditional — complaint against grandmothers is that they pamper children. “And my grandmother allows me to watch this movie!” — a 6-year-old girl says with a challenge and pouts her lips. The child is about to cry, and the confused mother throws up her hands: what can you do, since the grandmother allows it. Yes, often after talking with your grandmother, the child begins to protest against the standards of your upbringing. And what to do?
Do not worry, do not get angry, there is nothing terrible in this yet, everything is solved. A simple explanation is usually enough for children: “That’s right. When you were with your grandmother, your grandmother was in charge there. At my grandmother’s, even we obey her. And when you returned to us, then we are the main ones and the orders are already ours. So here we go to bed on time!” — That’s all. This is the explanation for the change of power.
There is another option — an explanation for the change of circumstances: “You went to bed with your grandmother later, because you didn’t have to get up early. Now you’re going back to school and you need to get some sleep.» The main thing is to do everything calmly and confidently. Your policy is correct because it is your child.
Children adjust easily. They easily learn that there are some rules at home and others at school, while the teacher has some requirements for them, and their friends have others. And they change: with a teacher, the child behaves like a student, with friends — like their peers. This is natural and there is nothing complicated here.
It is not difficult for smart parents to control the behavior of children after contacts with grandmothers, the difficulty is rather in something else — in those suggestions, unwanted views that our children can receive from our grandmothers. Behavior can be seen and corrected promptly, but suggestions may not be noticed, and they can “shoot” later, when they have already taken root in the child’s head.
If a grandmother teaches a child about superstition, your child may become superstitious. This, of course, is not very scary, but perhaps it is not included in your plans. And if suddenly a grandmother begins to convey to your child religious views that are different from yours, there can be very serious problems.
What to do with it?
— Be careful. If possible, first give the child to the grandmother for a short time and then look closely, listen to what the child has in his head.
— It is always useful to talk with the child, find out how he spends time with his grandmother, what he likes and what not.
— When you gather at the table together at the grandmother’s territory, don’t talk a lot yourself, but listen to what the grandmother tells and inspires your children. If you hear very controversial things, it’s better not to argue with it here, at the table: disputes, it happens, just draw the child’s attention to the fact that in another case he will simply skip past the ears. As a last resort, you can say: “That’s what grandma thinks, and we love grandma. But in our family they think differently.”
— It is more difficult if the grandmother herself, in front of the child, runs into you, discussing and criticizing your methods of upbringing. “Why are you all so controlling children? Why don’t you let them watch these shows? There is nothing wrong with them!” Again: it is very undesirable to arrange discussions in front of children, because if the child suddenly takes the side of the grandmother, you find yourself in a very problematic situation. Kiss grandma, switch grandma, and theoretical discussions, if they seem necessary to you, organize later, without children.
— If the grandmother is trying to instill in the child principles and behaviors that are unacceptable from your point of view, you can try to talk to the grandmother. Without disputes: “Our children do not eat sweets. Can we agree with you that you don’t feed them candy?” And it is best to discuss not what is not necessary, but what you need, what you want, what a grandmother could give to your children. Our grandmothers have a lot of strengths as educators, and it is better to focus on this. If, for example, your grandmother is a really strong teacher, ask her to work with the child in depth on the subject. If she is into theatre, ask her to take her grandson with her to a few performances. When the grandmother gets carried away with the “task”, she will have less time for “education”.
And our grandparents need to be loved, and your attention, love and respect for them is the model that your children learn. Do you want your children to be loving? Take care of your parents and let your children help you. Do you want your children to respect their elders? Listen to your parents yourself when you come to visit them, and the children will learn your example. And if you are a very decent person, then our grandparents can also be loved because you, such wonderful ones, were born and raised by them after all. Thank you!