“What was at school?”: how to get an honest answer from a child

So what should parents do who (quite naturally) want to understand what is really going on in the life of their son or daughter? These simple rules will help the child tune in to a confidential conversation.

All conversations are after meals

“A child needs a lot of energy to remember all the significant events of the day and describe them in words. If you are unable to get a detailed answer from your son or daughter, perhaps the point is not in secrecy or stubbornness, but in elementary fatigue. Therefore, it is better to talk about the past day 20-30 minutes after a hearty lunch or dinner, ”explains Rebecca Jackson, an expert in cognitive development of children.

Find the right time to ask questions

To get an honest and detailed answer, it is important to find the right moment to talk. “When you pick up a child from school, you probably want to immediately listen to his story about the past day, and he, most likely, needs to relax and rest first of all. Wouldn’t it be better to postpone the conversation until the evening? Or even for the weekend,” explains Rebecca Jackson.

It often turns out that the best time to ask questions is when driving or going to the store. In these situations, the conversation does not drag on too long and the child does not have to make eye contact with the parents, which can help him open up.

Combine conversation with entertainment

“If I want to know what is really happening in my son’s life, I try to ask him when we play ball in the yard. At this point, he is very talkative. But it’s better to talk with your daughter while walking or going to a coffee shop, ”says the expert.

Research shows that the effectiveness of communication often depends on the environment and what we are doing at the moment. According to some reports, business negotiations and meetings are more effective while walking – physical activity stimulates creativity and helps fight psychological fatigue. These principles are quite applicable to conversations between parents and children.

Use what you already know about the school environment

“Parents should also do some sort of homework. It is worth learning as much as possible about the child’s teachers, his classmates and the school schedule. This will help keep the dialogue going,” emphasizes schoolteacher Christopher Pursley.

He recommends writing down everything you hear at parent-teacher meetings and even taking an interest in the school cafeteria menu. This helps formulate questions for the child and shows him that you are actively interested in his life.

Ask specific questions that allow you to give a detailed answer

Many parents understand that questions like “How was your day?” are vague and therefore do not encourage the child to be frank. But too narrow questions allow you to get off with monosyllabic answers: “yes”, “no”, “okay”.

Ideally, you should formulate the questions quite specifically, but still so that the child can give a detailed answer. For example: “Tell me about the best moments of the day. Did the guys do anything funny today? Tell! Did you do anything new today?

Perhaps, before asking questions, you should first share your own experience: “When I was (a) at school, we always played (so-and-so) at recess, and what do you and your friends do?”

Don’t Start Problem Solving Immediately

If the child has told about a problem that may require your intervention, do not rush to immediately rush to solve it. For example, if his classmates are bullying him (or he himself acted as an aggressor), for a start it is worth listening to all the details of this story – no matter how hard it may be.

Give your child the opportunity to explain what happened and share their experiences. It is important to show that you are really ready to listen to him. “It is best if parents are driven by sincere curiosity and interest in the life of the child. He will feel it and will be much more willing to share the details,” emphasizes Rebecca Jackson.