Running out of conversation topics? We have nothing to talk about, because the information space is too scarce? Or maybe something has changed in us?
I often hear complaints that our communication has become poor. It’s not even about text messages, which have replaced letters from everyday life, not about Skype and chats that replace evening conversations. There are still feasts, presentations, and other club events. But what are we talking about?
We get all the news from one wallet. We watch some films and some round tables. It is impossible to surprise with a sensation: in one second it becomes public domain. We are discussing not so much the problem as the manner of the presenter or the blunder of the talk show participant. Those who defiantly declare that they do not watch TV are still in the know. On the same Internet, on the radio, they discuss a series or a dangerous pun by a TV star. The focus is often not so much on events as their reflections or reflections of these reflections. No food for the intellect, no real experiences. I know people who literally cultivate autism in themselves. That is, they avoid not only parties, but also friendly meetings. Loneliness is more meaningful.
All this seems to be true. However, the problem, in my opinion, is greatly exaggerated. It seems to a person that he is comparing the conversations that were held in his youth with today’s, and the latter are clearly losing. He is wrong.
The content of conversations in the company has always been about the same level. There are few works devoted to the analysis of oral dialogue, but they still exist. Researchers identify several characteristic properties: automatism, etiquette, everyday patterns, reflexivity, in which not so much the goals as the reasons for the statement are important. The interlocutor’s answer in most cases is a paraphrase or repetition of the remark: “It’s cold.” “Yes, frost! Are you home? – “Home.”
A person is burdened by silence, therefore, any speech irritation emanating from the interlocutor pushes the body of another to a speech response. The dialogues given in the book “Russian Colloquial Speech” are striking in their lack of content and indistinctness. This also applies to people with a fairly high intelligence. Then what is the reason for our today’s discontent?
First, when evaluating a conversation, we keep in mind the content of the characters’ conversations in literature. Indeed, as Lidia Ginzburg so aptly remarked, “the realism of the XNUMXth century offered its readers characters who speak like they do in real life.” But one must understand that this is not an exact, tape-recorded reproduction of conversations, but their modeling. Literary colloquial speech is well organized and subject to artistic tasks that genuine colloquial speech does not know.
In addition, the conversation of friends and colleagues is aimed not so much at the exchange of new information as at communication, that is, establishing an emotional connection. Of course, everyone has a need to objectify their emotions. It looks like a masquerade, because a person often tries to hide the true reason for love, hatred, jealousy or envy. Here, yes, the art of dialogue is required, because you must be, if not entertaining, then interesting and, to some extent, be able to exist in the role. Narrative is also possible, and not only interjections. But, as a rule, it is an anecdote or a short story. A person who embarks on a long explanation or story burdens the interlocutors and causes a feeling of embarrassment. Because everyone needs to express themselves.
And yet, the main thing in a friendly conversation is the exchange of affection, a sense of understanding, joyful peace that arises from communication with loved ones. What you thought was heard. The witty observation caused sincere laughter. You are generally pleasant to these people, you belong here, you are not alone.
However, again and again, why was a person pleased with all this before, but now not? It’s not about literature, is it?
In childhood and youth, we receive the lion’s share of information released for a lifetime. Everything serves as information: an unusual state, a line of poetry, someone’s word, a dream, a meeting, a lame dog, rain, the color of a sunset. And most importantly, there is an impatient need to share it all. An adult does not always want to talk about his condition. He is more restrained, moreover, delicate and tries not to burden another, even a close person, exclusively with “his own”. We try to highlight the important. We share an observation more often if it is funny, expressive in itself, and not because it caused a deep experience in us.
No, of course, it happens and then, and then, and then. But in other doses, or something. Something must really happen for us to encroach on the attention of others. Travel, death, marriage, the birth of a child, an incredible event.
Yes, and emotionally a person becomes less responsive. And the need for constant confirmation of intimacy is not so strong. In fact, we owe most of all our disappointment in communication to ourselves.
What is at stake is not the point. Everything can serve as an occasion for witty remarks and subtle observation. And for expressing affection, a reason is not needed at all. If only the ability of love and sympathy is alive in us, and at the same time the desire to hear a response.