In Soviet times, everyone knew: at 6 months, a child should sit, at a year — to walk, at two — to speak. If this suddenly did not happen, everyone stood on their ears and doctors, physical education and special techniques began. Today, at least in the USA, there is a completely different position on this matter: a child at 6 months does not sit — nothing, these are his features, not walking at a year is normal, he will go later, at two years he does not talk — well, what are you worried about, he has his own speed of development! .. And this is called the acceptance of the characteristics of the child. Is it close to you?
I think we should distinguish between «acceptance» as a realistic view of things and «acceptance» as agreement with everything that happens. The first is reasonable almost always, the second is more than debatable.
Inner acceptance of everything is inner peace, but this does not mean that acceptance is always humility and humility, the cessation of attempts to fight with someone else’s opposing force. If we live not only by feelings, then we can change the situation in accordance with our plans for reconstruction. People who have their own views, their own values and will, consider it their right to choose their own way of life and the rules of the game of life.
As for relationships and interaction, each of us has our own territory, and between us there is a common territory. In this case, if something belongs to a person’s personal territory, then we like it or don’t like it, these are our problems. And if you don’t like it, our task is to learn to accept it: not to make noise, not to sulk, but to smile and accept. But if the territory is common, then you have the right to demand to agree on the conditions for joint interaction and the implementation of agreements. If they say to you “I’m like this and I’m not going to change” — this is a kindergarten and a manifestation of disrespect. Willingness to change is the payment for the fact that people are ready to live and interact with you, to help you.
You do not have to put up with the fact that someone uses your things, your time without asking, is jealous of you for every pillar or tells nasty things about you, you have the right to demand respect for yourself. In the common ground, «Take me for who I am» is only a form of cheap manipulation.
Need for acceptance
If we have people significant to us, we do not want to be for them — a stranger. We want acceptance. If a person is a stranger to everyone, it is bad for an ordinary person, and his desire to be his own for someone is called the need for acceptance. However, the desire to be one’s own (the need for acceptance) often pushes people to uncritically assimilate unnecessary, unpromising, and even downright antisocial norms, to erroneous behavior.