Surely you have heard many times that you can not restrain your emotions. But why shouldn’t we behave the way we feel? Explains children’s analyst Anna Skavitina.
“For a child to be happy, you cannot restrain his emotions.” This rule has become an axiom not only for psychologists, but also for many parents. Difficulties arise further. Until when is it impossible? To what extent is everything possible for him, and after what is it still impossible? That’s when he insults his mother, he gets angry, so you can’t slow him down, otherwise problems will arise. But if you do not slow down, then the mother will have problems. Or he hits a child on the playground, what should I do? Hit him in the ass or let him express his emotions – after all, you can … And how to be an adult? Can we do everything then? For example, get angry at the mother-in-law and tell her everything as it is? And then explain to yourself your impulse by saying that you can’t restrain yourself, otherwise it will only get worse – after all, psychologists say that the suppression of emotions leads to illness and depression.
Read more:
- Julia Gippenreiter: “Follow the child and help him grow”
Emotions and truth cannot be inhibited. But only because it is impossible to slow them down – they are reflex, we cannot control their appearance, they arise in addition to our desires. Emotions cannot disappear because someone wants them to disappear. But the actions that we perform under the influence of emotions are conscious or can be conscious. That is why we can (and should) control them. How? To begin with, we need to learn by ourselves and teach children two very important rules:
1. Call your emotions words: it makes the inner storm understandable and therefore bearable. “Honey, do you know what word is called what is happening to you now? This is grief. You’ve been upset all day today.”
2. Control your actions under the influence of emotions. This becomes possible only after the first step is completed. “Sunny, even when you are very upset, you still can’t fight. The other person is upset too. He gets sick, he gets angry and sad.”
If the first step (naming) is not passed or not mastered, then the action under the influence of emotions can be stopped by words and actions. For example: a child hits another on the playground. You stop him if necessary, hold his hands and tell him that he is very angry. Very very angry! The name makes clear what is happening inside. The next stage: “Even when you are very angry, you cannot beat others.” This is how the inhibition of external, non-social actions that occur under the influence of uncontrolled emotions occurs.
If we manage to put only these two rules into our children, their lives will change for the better. And that means, regardless of our spiritual strength and capabilities, we can consider ourselves wonderful parents. Which, however, will be confirmed by our children all their lives. And very often.”