Contents
Hello dear readers! The feeling of loneliness and uselessness is a rather acute and complex experience, with which a person does not always find the strength and resources to cope. This leads to depression and sometimes even suicide. A person constantly, even just in the background, feels dissatisfaction with life. From which he is ready to “rush” into any relationship, even destructive, just to get rid of the unbearable torment that the feeling that no one in this world cares about him entails. And today we will look at why this is so. And also learn how to cope with this condition.
Causes
When a child is born, a very important process takes place — the formation of basic trust in the world. That is, if the adult who takes care of him disappears for a while, it is important for him to know that he will definitely return. That’s why babies cry when they’re alone. They call the one on whom their life depends in this period, who satisfies their basic needs.
And if the baby does not have the knowledge that somewhere there is an Other who is currently absent, but he is in his life, then in the future he will have few resources and abilities to cope with the feeling of loneliness. He will try his best to avoid it. Although in fact we are all alone in fact, and it is important for us to be able to deal with ourselves. Otherwise, it is impossible to build a full-fledged contact with others, which will bring joy, peace and satisfaction, saturation.
The reasons for the formation of distrust can be completely different. Sometimes an adult is simply not able to recognize and meet the needs of a child. Although in fact he sincerely loves him and tries to do it. A traumatic event can make itself felt, for example, mom did not come up for a long time to calm her down. Then anxiety appears, what if it will be uncomfortable again, and mom will not appear, like last time? Even despite the fact that it arrives in a timely manner for each subsequent call, this anxiety will remain background and will make itself felt.
Difficulties can also begin if in the history of the individual there was an experience of rejection that he could not cope with. Especially during a crisis, for example, adolescence. When the need for recognition among peers comes to the fore, there is a desire to please the opposite sex.
What to do?
Relationship quality
When feeling useless, a person is tempted to enter into a relationship without really looking closely at what he really is, this other. Just to grab into it and feel that now you are not alone. Like someone needs it. And what is not so scary now, together you can stand against the whole world. And it is precisely for this reason that later disappointment sets in, from which loneliness is lived even more acutely. Because there seems to be someone with whom you can feel closeness, but it is still impossible, inaccessible. And a person is already, for example, in a marriage that has not brought happiness.
It is clear that it is very difficult, but still, give yourself the opportunity to get to know the other better. Without being fascinated, and without flattering yourself with the illusion that if it’s bad now, then the moment will surely come, and the person will correct himself, realize his mistakes, and you will live on the envy of everyone. Everyone has flaws, and you should not ignore them, just listen to yourself, are you ready to accept them or not.
If you tend to distrust people, then “slow down” yourself at the moments of suspicion. If on the contrary, ask at least a couple of questions to understand why you decided that this person will justify your trust.
Healthy lifestyle
In psychology, there is such a thing as addiction. This is when a person is unable to satisfy their needs without compulsive activity. It can be both chemical, that is, drug addiction, alcoholism, and non-chemical, for example, shopaholism, overeating, dependence on relationships, pornography, and so on.
In fact, this is a replacement, that is, a person has at least something stable in life that he can rely on. Even if it’s just alcohol or a cigarette. This is what to be near in stressful and tense moments.
So, if you have at least some kind of bad habit, try to “deal” with it. So you will become not only physically healthier if the addiction was chemical. But the rejection of it will provoke you to go in search of a more useful way to relax, calm down, and so on. Let’s say if you go in for sports, you will become more active, happy, fit and healthy. And who knows, maybe in training you will meet exactly the one next to whom you will forget about your uselessness.
You will find recommendations on how to stop smoking here, and how to stop playing computer games — here.
Self-concept
If you’re not comfortable with yourself, why would the other person want to be alone with you? And in some cases, and still live life together, give birth to children and lead a life? Just because you are like that in the world is not an argument, right? Unconditional love comes only from parents, and even then, not always. People around you will treat you the way you let them. And if you respect your personality, you will never let your boundaries be violated. Accordingly, there will be no people in your life who do not consider you or do not appreciate you.
So, first of all, start working on self-worth. And how to love yourself, you will learn by clicking on this link.
Reality testing
Take a look, stop. Are you really as lonely and useless as you think? There is such a thing as tunnel consciousness. This is when a person is so obsessed with something that his vision narrows. And he is able to notice only what interests him at the moment. Therefore, if you are in pain because no one in this world cares about you, do the following exercise. Write a list of 5 people who show even the slightest sympathy for you. And next to each of them, indicate at least 3 situations in which this manifested itself.
Perhaps you are simply devaluing, or do you not notice that others are sincere with you, but you simply do not let them get closer? Or do you just frighten with your desire to «bite» into another, «emotionally merge» with him? Even in the family, such behavior occurs and causes horror. Not every person is ready to endure psychological fusion, even with a beloved and valuable partner. Encroachments on his freedom and at least some independence can be repulsive.
So, before you get upset and hurt, remember, maybe there are people who care about you, but you just don’t have enough of what they are able to give you?
Interests and hobbies
Explore what gives you pleasure in this life? And when you do not know what to do, start this activity. A hobby is the best way to relieve stress, relax and feel satisfied. Yes, and you will become more interesting to others. New friends will appear who share your hobbies. This means that you can at least occasionally feel the closeness and presence of another person in your life. His participation and interest.
Completion
And that’s all for today, dear readers! Loneliness causes difficult feelings, and if you understand that you are unable to cope with them on your own, seek help. Let to relatives, friends, experts. Most importantly, do not isolate yourself, and be attentive to your condition.
Also, I recommend that you take a test of your ability to overcome difficulties.
Happiness to you and health!
The material was prepared by a psychologist, Gestalt therapist, Zhuravina Alina.