Hello, dear readers of Valery Kharlamov’s blog! In the life of every person there comes a moment when the old values and ideals do not work or lose their relevance, and he begins to rethink his life. This moment is called a crisis. And today I want to tell you when the midlife crisis begins in men.
How is it manifested?
Having noticed the symptoms below, you should not be afraid, because in fact the crisis is a natural process of growing up, and you should worry if it is absent. By the way, in a strong half of humanity, it is sometimes called male menopause. It lasts depending on the structure of the personality, its characteristics, features and reasons that provoked the occurrence. So how does it show up:
Irritability
If you notice that you or your loved one suddenly, for no particular reason, began to often break down on you, constantly dissatisfied and quick-tempered — this can serve as the first bell. Especially if such a state dragged on and periodically turns into sentimentality. For example, unexpectedly for yourself, you, who seem to be always a brutal and serious man, shed a tear of tenderness when you see a cute little dog, and after about 10 minutes you are already very angry at your beloved because of a trifle.
Sometimes it can be confused with overwork, then irritation is also a frequent companion. A special difference for you will be the intensity of affect, that is, feelings, and their duration. It seems that you understand with your brains that nothing terrible has happened, but you can’t pull yourself together and calm down.
Over-concern for yourself
Also, the crisis manifests itself in the form of excessive unexpected concern for one’s health and appearance. You notice that you are not as energetic, that wrinkles are noticeable and chronic diseases appear more often, and this causes fear, anxiety, sadness and despair. Moreover, despite the fact that usually women are very worried about their appearance and attractiveness, men are suspicious. Have you heard the joke when a husband says goodbye to his wife before he dies because he has a temperature of 37,1°C? No matter how funny it may seem, but a representative of the strong half of humanity can really panic during this period, especially if he notices that changes are taking place in his sexual life, activity is weakening, or erectile dysfunction, that is, impotence, makes itself felt.
Closure
Having begun to have doubts about their attractiveness and in general, to realize that time goes by and life is finite, especially if they are worried about diseases caused by bad habits and an unhealthy lifestyle — even the most avid party-goer is likely to lay low, refusing to communicate. This also should not be frightened and think about what to do in order to return to the previous activity. Give yourself time to be alone, focus on inner feelings.
During this period, an important process takes place — the revision of values, the discovery of new behaviors and the assignment of new experiences that you can rely on in the future when difficulties arise. Also, isolation is, as it were, a defense mechanism so that others do not notice that changes have happened to him, and not for the better. Fear of losing authority and admitting one’s vulnerability, imperfection pushes one to extreme methods — to completely limit oneself from the world until it becomes better.
Depression
Most often against the background of a decrease in sexual activity. It seems that the feeling of inner emptiness will last indefinitely, the former hobbies no longer bring joy, and with the help of what to experience it, he still does not know. Hopelessness frightens, and isolation deprives the support of loved ones, which is why the state of devastation intensifies, and thoughts arise about the meaninglessness of later life. Time drags on for a very long time, especially when you don’t know “where to apply yourself” and what to do with yourself.
Decreased alertness and poor concentration
From the fact that a person is almost completely immersed in himself and his experiences, more and more often remembering “the old days and good luck”, thinking that it will no longer be possible to feel the taste of victory in the future.
Uncertainty
It makes itself felt insecure, manifesting itself in anxiety that the wife will leave or the boss will fire, choosing a more active and enterprising employee. Sometimes even thoughts may arise that friends will turn away due to the avoidance of companies and the absence of joint holidays.
Disappointment
Being young and inexperienced, we had a completely different attitude to life, expecting that at the age of 30 we would achieve almost world recognition. Such inflated ambitions and demands on oneself usually break into a harsh reality, when not everything is as smooth and beautiful as in dreams. It is especially difficult if by this time the man did not have a family. The absence of children can deprive the meaning of life. Working for someone else while fantasies had their own business — all this can increase insecurity and cause a depressive state.
Recommendations
1. Awareness
The most important thing is the realization that this state is not eternal, and soon you will again enjoy life and feel your attractiveness, having changed your attitude to what is happening. No matter how impossible it may seem.
2. Be open with loved ones
Tell them what really happened to you, especially if you lash out at them periodically. In addition to being able to get support this way, you will be able to learn about what happened or is happening to them. Menopause happens to everyone, and no mentally healthy person is able to avoid it. And the understanding that you are not alone, that others are experiencing similar suffering and doubts will significantly affect your self-esteem and perception of what is happening.
In addition, while you are experiencing the above symptoms, your beloved may decide that you just lost interest in her and fell out of love. Believe me, it is better for her to know the truth than to suspect you of treason. And children do not need additional injuries, because most of the complexes and problems arise in childhood. And your breakdowns, nagging and coldness can provoke an inferiority complex in a child who will also believe that you no longer love him. And if you ruin relationships with loved ones, it will be very difficult to restore them.
3.Children’s dreams
Remember some of your boyish dreams, for the implementation of which you still couldn’t find the time, and make it a reality. Go on a trip, skydive or conquer some mountain peak, the main thing is that you experience new emotions and sensations. Even if you don’t feel like lifting yourself off the couch and delivering it somewhere, appetite comes with eating, so, having suffered enough, pack up and open up new horizons. You can even go to a new place with your family, this will bring you closer.
4. Family life
If you are married and notice that you have lost interest in your spouse, you should not jump to conclusions about a divorce. Usually, by the age of 40, life “eats up” couples so much that they don’t feel anything but tension towards each other. It is during these years that a large number of divorces occur. But remember that «the salvation of the drowning depends on the drowning themselves»? Try, despite resistance, to remember something good from your married life, how you met, first dates, and so on. Write a list of 20 things you love about her. If you don’t feel the same excitement for your beloved, offer to try something new, or vice versa, a long-forgotten old one.
5. Go to the gym
In addition to becoming healthier and more physically attractive, your activity will increase and you will not have much strength to suffer and indulge in despondency. The best healer for emotional pain and distress is physical action. Switch to sports, it is more effective than self-flagellation. You will experience the hormones of joy that are released in the body during training, raise your self-esteem by setting even minor goals and achieving them. Compete with yourself by pushing several times more than usual, run one more kilometer and do more sets with strength exercises.
6. If you are afraid that your health is deteriorating
Maybe the moment has come when it’s time to start leading a healthy lifestyle? After all, no advice will help to cope with such a condition if you show weakness, following the lead of addiction. Read the article «How to start a healthy lifestyle at 30: TOP 15 fundamental rules.»
7.What have you achieved?
Make a list of 30 items in which indicate what you have achieved by your age. Just try to hold on so as not to devalue all your efforts. The fact that you have close and loyal friends is a huge achievement, good relations with parents, a child or giving up cigarettes are also your victories. Think carefully and thank yourself, even if there is no Ferrari you want at the moment, but you have a stable job or a faithful wife. Some do not even have a roof over their heads, or they are rich, but lonely …
Appreciate what you have, and then you will be happy. To do this, read the article “How to learn to live here and now: consciously and in the present moment?”, There you will find a large number of valuable and worthwhile tips.
8.Cinema
And for inspiration, I want to invite you to relax a little and watch films that can restore the thirst for life and motivation for action. You will find them in the article «Overview on motivational films».
Conclusion
And that’s all for today, dear readers! It does not matter what time the midlife crisis occurs, the main thing is that at any moment you can really cope with it, becoming stronger, more experienced and more mature. Strength and patience to you!
The material was prepared by Zhuravina Alina.