There are so many stupid, rude and illiterate people around. I want to remake all of them, re-educate, point out mistakes. But this is impossible. What then to do with the imperfection of the world? Maybe inspire others by personal example?
“What nonsense” – sometimes such thoughts visit each of us in communication with those whose point of view seems unreasonable. And we are also outraged by the disgusting when neighbors in the area do not bother to clean up after their dog, who planted a “mine” in the middle of the footpath, or throw garbage right out of the window.
As for those who litter, one can dream that they will be weaned from this, at least with the help of fines. And the first ones sometimes want to “open their eyes” to the fact that the world is bigger and wider than they think, humanity is more complicated and you should not repeat other people’s judgments without subjecting them to meaningful analysis.
But can anyone forcefully change the point of view or way of thinking of another person, especially if that person is completely satisfied with everything? Obviously not, and you shouldn’t. What then can we do in such situations? It is in our power to share our judgments and thoughts with those we care about. And also – to influence a lot in ourselves.
Of course, blood type, race, nationality and many other innate characteristics remain with us for life. But how many prospects open up for those who are ready to change their way of thinking.
A lot has been written about the ability of the brain to create new neural connections – physiology confirms that we can indeed transform consciousness and habits. And instead of “remaking” someone else, they are able to become an example for him. To be that part of the world that has already become better thanks to our efforts.
Circles on the water
In the early 80s, American sociologists formulated the Broken Windows Theory. In Russian, it is easiest to explain it with the saying “a bad example is contagious.” If one window is broken in the building and no one replaced it, then soon all the windows will be broken. If in the park someone first threw garbage past the bin, then soon a mountain will grow there.
The effect of circles on the water extends to “good deeds.” For example, thanks to this, volunteering has become fashionable. Another example is a personal experiment, repeatedly tested: if you stand up in a subway car and defiantly give way to an elderly person, the same thing is done in the next 10 minutes by one of the other people sitting next to you, regardless of gender.
Start with yourself
What steps can be taken to start changing the world? Stress management and social relations consultant Beverly Flegsington gives 5 recommendations:
1. Examine your beliefs and biases. Understanding our own motives gives us the opportunity to choose how to respond to a particular event or word. Everyone has not only beliefs, but also prejudices. And they can be “activated” by certain triggers.
For example, we are comfortable with the fact that others have a different point of view on foreign policy issues, but we are instantly thrown off balance by discussing racial inequality. We need to understand why we “boil up” and what inner strings or traumatic experiences touch these topics.
2. Become curious and open to information. Many people love to teach others. Isn’t it worth starting to think about what experience led a person to his life position, so different from ours? Why does he think so, how did this attitude develop? It is not necessary to agree with him in everything or adopt his opinion, but such curiosity will at least expand our own point of view.
3. Pause before jumping. Or bite your tongue before the words of judgment come out of it. Sometimes it is enough to take a few breaths or close your eyes to give yourself time to react and think about it, as well as decide what to say and what not to say.
If, even after a pause, you still want to say what immediately came to mind, there is always such an opportunity. But it is worth remembering that a minute taken or not taken in time for reflection can save or destroy relationships.
4. Check with your ego. What is more important – to maintain friendship, love, family ties, or to remain right? The need to always have the last word can sometimes be a defensive reaction and hide vulnerability and kindness, and sometimes it simply indicates an inflated ego and disrespect for the opinions of others.
Whatever is hidden inside, outwardly such behavior repels people. And even if we are very often right, it is worth admitting that others can be right, at least sometimes. Therefore, from time to time it is worth asking yourself: “What is the purpose of my statement – to affirm or to share?”
5. Look in the mirror. As soon as we are again overcome by the desire to correct someone else, change their mind or make them better, it’s time to look in the mirror. Yes, there are people in the world whose IQ is much lower than ours. Whose opinions are a repetition of what they heard on the Internet or on TV. People incapable of reflection or devoid of empathy. But their faults are much easier to see than your own.
The Gospel says: “Why do you look at the speck in the eye of your neighbor, but do not notice the beam in your own eye?” But do not judge, scold and urgently remake yourself. The most important thing is just to remember that the main people for whose words and actions we are responsible are ourselves.