Parents always do their best to protect their children from stress. But sometimes they themselves are in a vulnerable position, and it is important for them to know how not to transfer their anxiety to the child. We share the advice of a psychologist.
Take care of yourself
If you are exhausted and tired, you may not be able to cope with stress, and your anxiety will be reflected in the children. You should act as instructed on the plane: first help yourself, and then the child. Set up basic things: daily routine, nutrition, sleep. Only after that, go out to talk with the children.
Talk to your child
Do not mask or hide from children that something is happening in your life. They all feel, it is important for them to understand that the problem is not in them.
Be confident and calmly talk about what is bothering you. Try to tell the child only the information that directly concerns him and the changes in his usual life. That is, what he can understand.
If the parents’ anxiety is related to world events, then the children will understand that in connection with this you are worried about the possible loss of a job or a move. But don’t take all your fears out on them and don’t talk too much. The child first needs to understand why your behavior has changed. In this conversation, you need to say about yourself: «I’m worried about the safety of our family, so I behave like this.»
Instill confidence
Any events and worries of parents affect children, so it is important to remind them of unshakable things. For example, that you still love them, that you still have a home, that you will still support each other. It is very calming for both the child and the adult.
Delegate
Do not take on all the responsibilities when you have a difficult period. Ask for help from grandparents, friends. You must remember that you have a responsibility to yourself and your child to take care of your mental health. You can make time for yourself to mourn. This time should not concern children. Perhaps a walk or a shower or even watching a funny sitcom or listening to music will be a great way for you to let off steam.
An adult needs to look for different strategies to relieve anxiety, aggression and stress in order to protect children. You can try meditation, sports, walking with friends. It’s simple physiology: daily exercise and activity helps produce endorphins, distracting the mind from negative thoughts.
Voice an action plan
You have explained to your child that these are difficult times that will continue for some time, and now it is important to talk about your plan of action. For example, you lost your job and are now looking for a new one. Children watch how adults in practice cope with experiences and get out of the situation. And they will use such an example of behavior for themselves in the future.
I know of a case where a girl asked for the help of a psychologist who does not work at her school in order to maintain confidentiality. She did this because she knew from the example of her parents that there is such a way out. The child, even in the most difficult situations for you, does not stop learning from you.
Even if everything collapses, then mom and dad always have a responsibility to their children. Ask yourself each time, “What can I do as a parent?” Sit down and write a to-do list: buy medicine, food, go to the doctor. It calms, allows you to concentrate on the most important and systematizes to do something useful.